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Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Ode to Autumn"contemporary poetry
10 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Autumn is my favorite season for the same reasons, my friend.
LOVE THIS LINE:
Air that tastes like biting into an apple,
*Don't recommend repeating picked twice here:
We picked and enjoyed until the boughs were picked clean,
*
As we fly into the futures of our lives.
suggest trimming off OF OUR LIVES as it is implied and the phrase would be stronger as fly into the future (my opinion).
Love the phonetics of L and V consonance here plus alliteration of P and L:
It is that time of year again, when the living green fades,
That rich, verdant, living film of life
Which lent itself to our passions and our plays
Wears thinner and thinner, then disappears
LOVE THIS SIMILE duet and eloquent phrasing:
Like breath that hangs for an instant in the crystal air
Before becoming nothing in our eyes,
And the leaves, in their scarlet and gold dresses,
Dance one last dance to the wind's music,
*To the cold ground,(no ,) and the frost;(,)
Fading into the pale hopes of the spring to come.
Love the medley of S and E sounds here:
I listen to that wind, now, in the forest's restlessness,
*
Falling away, leaf by splendored leaf,
suggest using SPLENDID instead.
*
Wondering what hold me to it,
holds or held
Eloquent phrasing and flow and nice medley of S sounds:
Where the mind and body, lost in a moment's quickness,
Continue on with it
Into the eternity of generations and seasons and stars.
Absolutely outstanding phrasing, imagery and meaning here:
Is this the hand that holds mine,
The hand of that spirit, more beautiful than light,
And yet more fragile, paper thin,
Passing as a rainstorm through the autumn hills,
As an hour of daylight, a drop of water
Lost in the silver moments of the running stream?
Utterly outstanding closing note (and imagery) so eloquently voiced:
Even as we reach out to grasp it,
The light wanes into long shadows across the stubble fields,
The last leaves slip away on the wind, and are gone,
And we hear the last goose flying under the cold, white moon.
No sixes left, alas. This is beautiful, poignant, rich in meaning and musical nuance.
Bravo
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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Autumn is my favorite season for the same reasons, my friend.
LOVE THIS LINE:
Air that tastes like biting into an apple,
*Don't recommend repeating picked twice here:
We picked and enjoyed until the boughs were picked clean,
*
As we fly into the futures of our lives.
suggest trimming off OF OUR LIVES as it is implied and the phrase would be stronger as fly into the future (my opinion).
Love the phonetics of L and V consonance here plus alliteration of P and L:
It is that time of year again, when the living green fades,
That rich, verdant, living film of life
Which lent itself to our passions and our plays
Wears thinner and thinner, then disappears
LOVE THIS SIMILE duet and eloquent phrasing:
Like breath that hangs for an instant in the crystal air
Before becoming nothing in our eyes,
And the leaves, in their scarlet and gold dresses,
Dance one last dance to the wind's music,
*To the cold ground,(no ,) and the frost;(,)
Fading into the pale hopes of the spring to come.
Love the medley of S and E sounds here:
I listen to that wind, now, in the forest's restlessness,
*
Falling away, leaf by splendored leaf,
suggest using SPLENDID instead.
*
Wondering what hold me to it,
holds or held
Eloquent phrasing and flow and nice medley of S sounds:
Where the mind and body, lost in a moment's quickness,
Continue on with it
Into the eternity of generations and seasons and stars.
Absolutely outstanding phrasing, imagery and meaning here:
Is this the hand that holds mine,
The hand of that spirit, more beautiful than light,
And yet more fragile, paper thin,
Passing as a rainstorm through the autumn hills,
As an hour of daylight, a drop of water
Lost in the silver moments of the running stream?
Utterly outstanding closing note (and imagery) so eloquently voiced:
Even as we reach out to grasp it,
The light wanes into long shadows across the stubble fields,
The last leaves slip away on the wind, and are gone,
And we hear the last goose flying under the cold, white moon.
No sixes left, alas. This is beautiful, poignant, rich in meaning and musical nuance.
Bravo
Love,
rd
Comment Written 21-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much for your excellent review and all your wonderful comments supporting this poem, glad you enjoyed it. The ending of this poem is my favorite part of it, I think it probably is some of the best poetry I have ever written, at least in ode form. This was written in a coffeehouse in Middlebury Vermont after a day of leaf peeping. A few rewrites tightened up the basic metaphor of autumn as the season of fading memories, of life in transition, of a precious moment slipping away from the present. estory
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Ah, leaf peeping in Vermont in fall--doesn't get much better than that! Enjoyed this. Warmly, rd
Comment from bertranclan
This is indeed a beautiful ode. I could see all the colorful images in my mind as you walked me through the season until the next one. Very rich imagery. Thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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This is indeed a beautiful ode. I could see all the colorful images in my mind as you walked me through the season until the next one. Very rich imagery. Thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Thank you for the five star review and all your wonderful comments supporting this poem. Glad you enjoyed the walk in the woods. In this poem I kind of used the sense of autumn to talk about the passing of time, the passing of life. estory
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning, my friend: BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO!...APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE!
I feel really guilty for reviewing this poem now as I do not have six stars to give it. This is why I love poetry so much. It is so honest and awesomely gorgeous when those who can actually write it so perfectly -- write it.
You say that you love autumn and that autumn is your favorite time of the year. Well, this poem is singing and screaming that love out loud. I cannot even pick my favorite lines because it was all so marvelous and remarkable. This is the kind of poetry that I want on my book shelves so that in my free times, I can read it over and over again.
I don't know how long it took you to write this poem but I do know sometimes the great Poets could take from four days to ten days to write a great poem and then sometimes it just all falls out all over the page perfectly and right away but this is one of those great poems.
You should have entered it into the contest that I entered, "Two Boys Stabbed In School Classroom" in. This contest was for any poem entry. This poem is a sure win. I am in love with this poem and for someone like me who particularly does not like this time of the year, you have just given me so many reasons to think again and possibly love it.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Good morning, my friend: BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO!...APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE!
I feel really guilty for reviewing this poem now as I do not have six stars to give it. This is why I love poetry so much. It is so honest and awesomely gorgeous when those who can actually write it so perfectly -- write it.
You say that you love autumn and that autumn is your favorite time of the year. Well, this poem is singing and screaming that love out loud. I cannot even pick my favorite lines because it was all so marvelous and remarkable. This is the kind of poetry that I want on my book shelves so that in my free times, I can read it over and over again.
I don't know how long it took you to write this poem but I do know sometimes the great Poets could take from four days to ten days to write a great poem and then sometimes it just all falls out all over the page perfectly and right away but this is one of those great poems.
You should have entered it into the contest that I entered, "Two Boys Stabbed In School Classroom" in. This contest was for any poem entry. This poem is a sure win. I am in love with this poem and for someone like me who particularly does not like this time of the year, you have just given me so many reasons to think again and possibly love it.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much for this stellar review, and all your wonderful comments supporting this poem. I am glad you enjoyed it so much. This is the reason for writing, to touch someone else, to have the words explode into another dimension entirely, and put life and emotions into focus for people. In a musical format. That's what poetry does. This poem was written during a trip to Vermont in 2008, in a coffeehouse in Middlebury. That's where the basic skeleton of the poem emerged, and those critical closing lines and images that really nail this poem home. It underwent several rewrites, as do all my pieces. Take a ride up to Middlebury on route 30 on Columbus Day weekend. Stop at Bennington. Walk the Robert Frost trail. See Frost's tomb at Benniington. {his epitaph is one of the best: "I had a lover's quarrel with the world"}. Take a ride on the Green Mountain Flyer in Bellows Falls. You won't regret it. estory
Comment from GracieAnn
Estory,
This write uses a fresh approach to the Autumn theme which does not require pictures but instead allows the words to draw their own. Solid word choice. Seems to me that Autumn pushes everything she has to conclude her last hurrah. I like the sense of time passing, or our loved ones, without our permission. Nicely done. :0 GracieAnn
Do you mean holds or held here Wondering what hold me to it?
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Estory,
This write uses a fresh approach to the Autumn theme which does not require pictures but instead allows the words to draw their own. Solid word choice. Seems to me that Autumn pushes everything she has to conclude her last hurrah. I like the sense of time passing, or our loved ones, without our permission. Nicely done. :0 GracieAnn
Do you mean holds or held here Wondering what hold me to it?
Comment Written 18-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and for all your wonderful comments supporting this poem. So glad you enjoyed it. the trick of writing good poetry is to find images that fit into the music of the language, and reach deeper than the surface, in a subtle way, making us think of life and death, the passing of life, of seeing symbols of life and its experience in the natural world. Seamus Heaney and WB Yeats were great influences for me in this regard, but this poem draws from the rich English ode tradition, particularily Coleridge's beautiful poem, Frost At Midnight estory
Comment from Irish Rain
This is just SO beautiful!! I love every line. Autumn is my favorite season, and winter is next. You've described it beautifully, and all the reasons I love it so are here. A lovely free verse ode, blessings...
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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This is just SO beautiful!! I love every line. Autumn is my favorite season, and winter is next. You've described it beautifully, and all the reasons I love it so are here. A lovely free verse ode, blessings...
Comment Written 18-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Thank you for the excellent review and for your wonderful comments supporting this poem. Glad you enjoyed it so much, and I am satisfied that so many people had such a strong reaction to it. This is what I write for, this is what makes all the work worthwhile. estory
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Good!! You're welcome!!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Smiles estory
I like you ode of how describe the beauty of the season of Autumn in the motnh of October
You brought out so many things that I didn't realize (even when I reside in Vermont
EX.
Air that tastes like biting into an apple,
And all the fresh, crisp tastes of life
Very nice
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Smiles estory
I like you ode of how describe the beauty of the season of Autumn in the motnh of October
You brought out so many things that I didn't realize (even when I reside in Vermont
EX.
Air that tastes like biting into an apple,
And all the fresh, crisp tastes of life
Very nice
Comment Written 18-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
-
Thanks for the excellent review and all the wonderful comments supporting this poem. I am glad you enjoyed it so much. This poem was written in a coffeehouse in Middlebury in 2008, and that's where the skeleton of the poem, and the critical closing lines, were sketched out. One of my favorite places in the world. estory
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Smiles to you estory
Middlebury is a few miles from where we live.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi estory - what a lovely Ode to Autumn - your favourite time of year. This is truly a lovely use of language, very descriptive and romantic. You have used some lovely metaphor - I like 'As we fly into the futures of our lives.' - very nice. Also 'And the leaves, in their scarlet and gold dresses, Dance one last dance to the wind's music,'
A romantic free verse, very well written and a joy to read. Warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Hi estory - what a lovely Ode to Autumn - your favourite time of year. This is truly a lovely use of language, very descriptive and romantic. You have used some lovely metaphor - I like 'As we fly into the futures of our lives.' - very nice. Also 'And the leaves, in their scarlet and gold dresses, Dance one last dance to the wind's music,'
A romantic free verse, very well written and a joy to read. Warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 18-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much for the five star review and all your wonderful comments supporting this poem. It is a romantic ode, very much in the English tradition, and I just love this sense of a moment that is fleeting, that despite its perfection, we can't seem to hold onto it. That's the essence of romanticism, for me. estory
Comment from DonandVicki
Your well-versed poem was written, in my opinion, like prose. It leads the reader into using their imagination., this is a good choice not using an image. Your words are enough.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Your well-versed poem was written, in my opinion, like prose. It leads the reader into using their imagination., this is a good choice not using an image. Your words are enough.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Thanks for the excellent review and all your comment supporting this poem. Glad you enjoyed it. I work hard to create images that go under the surface, deepening the sense of experience, and putting life and the experiences of life into focus through that natural image. estory
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
Thank you for sharing this beautiful free verse written about the most beautiful of the seasons. I think there is something about this time of year that appeals to many of us. It could be seen as the death of summer, but instead, we see it as a new beginning, and its beauty portrays the promise of the future.
Well done,
~patty~
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Hi there;
Thank you for sharing this beautiful free verse written about the most beautiful of the seasons. I think there is something about this time of year that appeals to many of us. It could be seen as the death of summer, but instead, we see it as a new beginning, and its beauty portrays the promise of the future.
Well done,
~patty~
Comment Written 18-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much for the five star review and all the wonderful comments supporting this piece. I am glad you enjoyed it. Part of this poem is about the passing of precious moments, but it also does look to the future, to the transitory nature of life. estory
Comment from Liberty Justice
FIVE STARS for you, dear poet. This is so beautiful as you describe Autumn in all its splendor. Leaves falling blowing away in the wind paints vivid picture of how summer changes into autumn. Your spicy metaphors and similies make this poem so delicious to read and feel. Check out mine also and 2 books. lol your pen pal friend, liberty justice
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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FIVE STARS for you, dear poet. This is so beautiful as you describe Autumn in all its splendor. Leaves falling blowing away in the wind paints vivid picture of how summer changes into autumn. Your spicy metaphors and similies make this poem so delicious to read and feel. Check out mine also and 2 books. lol your pen pal friend, liberty justice
Comment Written 18-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much for the five star review and all your wonderful comments supporting this poem. I am glad you enjoyed it and found it so special , appreciated all the images. I will try to check yours out as well, i'm sure it will be interesting estory
