Reviews from

Under the Golden Arches

Big Macs, fries, and Cokes...

19 total reviews 
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Excellent
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A very interesting and well written story.

I like the way you took an extreme direction with the dining out prompt. It's funny, but you almost had me cheering for the bad guys to get away and live out their lives away from society.

All but for the Golden Arches.

Great job,
Rhonda

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 14-Nov-2017
    Yes, they can be pesky when it comes to people wanting to live their lives. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cybertron1986
Excellent
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Quite a different and unexpected storyline involving an experience in McDonald's. Didn't think from the start it'd end up a crime story. However, the subject and storyline had me hooked from the start. I like the style of voice that you wrote. Yet, it did tend to jump around a lot and, as a reader, I did have to reread parts of the story to get my headings straight. Great implications, but too many. Overall, a strong five

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 14-Nov-2017
    Thanks. I'll see if I can streamline it a bit more.
Comment from Janilou
Excellent
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I don't think I could ever miss McDonalds. LOL But hey, I don't know what it's like to be locked up, so....

Notes:

Ted Thankfully resumed eating and those teeth were out of sight. Able to focus again, Bill studied his burger.

Thankfully should be thankfully unless you switch the sentence around like this:

Thankfully, Ted resumed eating and those teeth were out of sight. Able to focus again, Bill studied his burger.

so I figure he'll get us a good discount ... three hundred ...maybe three fifty."

Suggest adding a space after the ellipses before the word "maybe" for consistency.

Otherwise, a great story and I wish you all the best in the contest.
Jan

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 14-Nov-2017
    Thank you. I'll fix those.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent
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Excellent. A very clever story you created from the contest prompt. It is well-written and a most interesting read. Good entry for the contest. I wish you the best of luck.

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 14-Nov-2017
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Ricky1024
Excellent
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This was well written of course this was about McDonald's the Happy Meal Ronald McDonald and lastly but not least leave the golden arches which are the fries which are times as they're being created of course cooked in lard I would most likely imaginalis it's a mixture this was very well written and I hope your child enjoyed the Transformer toy that was in the recent Happy Meal thanks talk to Ricky

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
    Thank you kindly.
Comment from Liberty Justice
Excellent
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GREAT STORY filled with suspense and excitement. Conversations between Ted and Bill are totally unexpected in those old clothes that are too big. What a shocking ending about the police running up on them and the helicopter. Just saw competition and you have my thumbs up and great chance to win. Congrats!
lol liberty justice

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Mustangpatty1029
Excellent
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Hi there;
This was an excellent take on the prompt 'Dining Out,' and I enjoyed the tale. Your characters were realistic and the plot was plausible. Good luck in the contest,

~patty~

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
    Thank you for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from apky
Excellent
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This certainly was some dining out. A very well-written story, that proved suspenseful complete with the surprising ending. If only the two would have made do with a single hamburger each, and then out of Dodge to go burn those prison clothes!

minutes ago. (A)a woman called and reported seeing the pair at a McDonald's

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
    Thanks very much. I'll check that.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Excellent
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William Walters was serving twelve for statutory rape, having had sex with a fourteen-year-old student named Emily Simon. Now, they faced three murder charges and many more felonies. Glancing up at the Golden Arches, Detective Tanner hoped they'd enjoyed their last trip to McDonald's.' Wow, what a story I was NOT expecting. Brilliantly told and much enjoyed though of course the sexual abuse element is so awful. Well done kindest regards Meia xx

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
    Well, he and his buddy will pay the price for all of it. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Nice piece for the competition. Good solid characterisation and storyline.

stuffing the food back in the happy meal bags - I think they come in boxes rather than bags.

Ted Thankfully resumed eating - thankfully.

I got a very familiar feeling when reading this. Did you rework a previous piece for the competition? Ot maybe a read part of it before but didn't review... not sure.

Though He didn't want to, Bill had to concede defeat - he.

"Do Whatever it takes." - whatever.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
    I posted this about a month ago, shortly after the competition was announced. Thanks for reading and reviewing.