Like The Ancient Prophets Taught
A bit if philosophical blendings8 total reviews
Comment from AnnaLinda
Easy,
I've not been on the site much...but I came across this brilliant
entry of yours. I enjoyed every line and the depth within along
with your superb rhyme and all kinds of poetic devices that
added to the impact of your thought provoking message.
This is a winner for me,
Linda
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2017
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Easy,
I've not been on the site much...but I came across this brilliant
entry of yours. I enjoyed every line and the depth within along
with your superb rhyme and all kinds of poetic devices that
added to the impact of your thought provoking message.
This is a winner for me,
Linda
Comment Written 10-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2017
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Thank you very much AnnaLinda.
Most honored. easy
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Hi AnnaLinda. Thank you so much for
this exceptional review. I am honored.
easy
Comment from Heidixoxo
Hello friend,
I can see how some may be intimidated slightly by your writing. I personally found this one to be exceptionally well written and created!! You did a great job with how you have worded it all and it is almost a little bit of teaching so to speak. Very nicely done....best of luck to you with this and all future postings.
Heidsxoxo
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2017
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Hello friend,
I can see how some may be intimidated slightly by your writing. I personally found this one to be exceptionally well written and created!! You did a great job with how you have worded it all and it is almost a little bit of teaching so to speak. Very nicely done....best of luck to you with this and all future postings.
Heidsxoxo
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2017
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Thank you Heidixoxo. I am
most honored. easy
Comment from michaelcahill
Wow. Welcome, welcome, welcome. AND thanks so much for entering. This is just excellent. It has a smooth flow and great rhyme. All of that lets your wisdom shine through with no distractions. An incredible philosophic deluge and quite original. This is thought provoking and illuminating at the same time, so it hits you AND sticks with you as well. A great piece that should do well. You'll love it here and we'll love having you. mike
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Wow. Welcome, welcome, welcome. AND thanks so much for entering. This is just excellent. It has a smooth flow and great rhyme. All of that lets your wisdom shine through with no distractions. An incredible philosophic deluge and quite original. This is thought provoking and illuminating at the same time, so it hits you AND sticks with you as well. A great piece that should do well. You'll love it here and we'll love having you. mike
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
Comment from Lucian Carter
What a cool little philosophical work. An excellent choice for a contest with no rules, a poem with no limits. There are a lot of great images here; "within a Gypsy curse." is inspired.
I think you have a typo in your Description.
Ultimately, I really like it. I think you'll do well in the contest.
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What a cool little philosophical work. An excellent choice for a contest with no rules, a poem with no limits. There are a lot of great images here; "within a Gypsy curse." is inspired.
I think you have a typo in your Description.
Ultimately, I really like it. I think you'll do well in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
Comment from nbonner
So true, you must take the chance on life to truly live and not be scared just because of the pain it MIGHT cause. Nice metaphors and imagery used in this poem. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest, NB
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So true, you must take the chance on life to truly live and not be scared just because of the pain it MIGHT cause. Nice metaphors and imagery used in this poem. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest, NB
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
Comment from Thal1959
A very interesting work - to be able to squeeze so much philosophy in one work. Reads smoothly in ABAB rhyme scheme with no strains to the meter. Very well done.
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A very interesting work - to be able to squeeze so much philosophy in one work. Reads smoothly in ABAB rhyme scheme with no strains to the meter. Very well done.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
Comment from rama devi
Love seeing your name in my inbox. So many of my favorite friends left FS over the years, and you are one of the top three all time favorites. So your return is simply *wonderful*!
Superb phonetics in phrasing with a smattering of alliteration, assonance and consonance plus rhyme and internal rhyme...and inventive slant rhymes too. Love regret and debt. Forged an gorged, serenade and promenade, unique and seek are all superb. My favorite rhyme pair is universe and curse. Well done!
Flawless meter.
Fine punctuation choices to sculpt phrasing
Superb flow.
Favorite lines:
We are the loss - we are the gain
Perfected by our flaws.
Great AHA.
Favorite stanzas for the recipe of meaning and phonetics:
But love allowed can offer hope
For finer fruits of fate,
So one more day your soul can cope
Eluding Dante's gate.
and
The truths of long ago were forged
By scars of last regret;
At pleasure's banquet you have gorged
And left your soul in debt.
and
We are the stain of grain upon
Totality of time;
A micro-part of dusk and dawn;
Redemption and each crime.
and (of course):
Assimilate 'till you become
A universal thought;
Allow your mind to merge as One
Like ancient prophets taught.
Spag suggestions:
A perfect balance(,) bought with pain(,)
By time(')s eternal laws.
Perfect closing note:
Assimilate 'till you become
A universal thought;
Allow your mind to merge as One
Like ancient prophets taught.
Wish I had a six!
****** (virtual radiance in rating).
Love,
rd
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Love seeing your name in my inbox. So many of my favorite friends left FS over the years, and you are one of the top three all time favorites. So your return is simply *wonderful*!
Superb phonetics in phrasing with a smattering of alliteration, assonance and consonance plus rhyme and internal rhyme...and inventive slant rhymes too. Love regret and debt. Forged an gorged, serenade and promenade, unique and seek are all superb. My favorite rhyme pair is universe and curse. Well done!
Flawless meter.
Fine punctuation choices to sculpt phrasing
Superb flow.
Favorite lines:
We are the loss - we are the gain
Perfected by our flaws.
Great AHA.
Favorite stanzas for the recipe of meaning and phonetics:
But love allowed can offer hope
For finer fruits of fate,
So one more day your soul can cope
Eluding Dante's gate.
and
The truths of long ago were forged
By scars of last regret;
At pleasure's banquet you have gorged
And left your soul in debt.
and
We are the stain of grain upon
Totality of time;
A micro-part of dusk and dawn;
Redemption and each crime.
and (of course):
Assimilate 'till you become
A universal thought;
Allow your mind to merge as One
Like ancient prophets taught.
Spag suggestions:
A perfect balance(,) bought with pain(,)
By time(')s eternal laws.
Perfect closing note:
Assimilate 'till you become
A universal thought;
Allow your mind to merge as One
Like ancient prophets taught.
Wish I had a six!
****** (virtual radiance in rating).
Love,
rd
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
Comment from beizanten
A pretty powerful and well written first stanza. A well written and poetic second stanza, great job! A very well written third and fourth stanzas. Overall great job! Keep up the great work!
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A pretty powerful and well written first stanza. A well written and poetic second stanza, great job! A very well written third and fourth stanzas. Overall great job! Keep up the great work!
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
