My Brother's Books
Non Fiction writing ( sent)16 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Cass.
Sorry about the late review, mate. I'm about one hundred years behind the rest of the world so, nothing changes, I guess. Lol.
"mainly for their beautiful leather covers and gilt(-)edged pages."
"I'd sneak off to my little nest hidden up the almond tree and drift away on a cloud of magical words." (Lovely description. Ah, I see you were a shifty little thing lol.)
" Down low near the floor(,) there was a cupboard"
""In my day anyone caught reading that kind of stuff would have been given a good thrashing." (Yep. I only buy them for the articles hahahaha!)
"The question was , who would administer such retribution to tall, muscular Phil?" (You have an extra space before the comma, ma'am.)
"My elder sisters, Bess and Dolly, made haste to agree with her, not telling her that they had perused the"filth" at length on more than one occasion when she had been absent. " (Hahahaha!)
"The two girls were horrified !" (Oops! Another extra space after the thing with the dot under it (!)
" They shoved the dog(-)eared pages back in the cupboard,"
" Alone(,) at last(Oops! Backspace) , they made plans for what would inevitably be said to Mum the next morning.
From my bed(,) in the room across the hall(,) I heard them creating a story to hide behind, and fell asleep before they had finished."
" Bess, the eldest girl fixed him with a puzzled look(Oops! A bit heavy on the space bar, me thinks lol.) ,just as Mum came in the door."
"No dear, we found you at the cupboard. Don't you remember?" (Hahahaha! Cop that ya little bugger!)
"She found the story of Bobbie's sleepwalking (was) quite feasible as"
"instead of lying abed (in bed) until nearly midday."
"Saw nothing. Know nothing" response
which invariably got me off the hook and the girls and I got" (Back space to bring the lines together.)
"Finally(,) Bobbie's kicking and shouting began to wear on Mum's patience,"
"he slouched off down the yard and
made the chickens' lives miserable for a while calling them with a food call and then driving them away when they came racing up to him. (Back space the lines together... I used to do that to mum's rat-dogs.)
"What are you doing over there?" he called, his face dark with envy." (Sheesh! A serial pest.)
" Then he spotted the slender, red(-)covered book"
""I'm telling Mum." and was down the tree and running for the kitchen door before I could move . (Hoy! Back space the period lol.)
"my mother came striding down the yard with the pot stick from the laundry in her grasp. " (That flying leap sounds pretty bloody good about now.)
"brutal pot stick held in her large, capable hand and said one word . (Oops! Those darn extra spaces before the period remind me of Bobbie! Lol.)
""Do you like poetry.?"
"Yes(,)" I answered "
"Her eyes twinkled in amusement(Oops!) ."
" Bess's full mouth twisted in a sneer. I knew she was put out because I had not only escaped
punishment, but had gained Mum's approval. No fun in that!" (Back space the lines.)
"Don't let him catch you. (Remove the period and add a comma.)" she said.
"I won't" I answered."
Well, all's well that ends well lol.
My question is... Did Phil ever catch you?
Now, that's the way life should be... poets sticking together.
A really enjoyable yarn, mate.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2017
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G'day Cass.
Sorry about the late review, mate. I'm about one hundred years behind the rest of the world so, nothing changes, I guess. Lol.
"mainly for their beautiful leather covers and gilt(-)edged pages."
"I'd sneak off to my little nest hidden up the almond tree and drift away on a cloud of magical words." (Lovely description. Ah, I see you were a shifty little thing lol.)
" Down low near the floor(,) there was a cupboard"
""In my day anyone caught reading that kind of stuff would have been given a good thrashing." (Yep. I only buy them for the articles hahahaha!)
"The question was , who would administer such retribution to tall, muscular Phil?" (You have an extra space before the comma, ma'am.)
"My elder sisters, Bess and Dolly, made haste to agree with her, not telling her that they had perused the"filth" at length on more than one occasion when she had been absent. " (Hahahaha!)
"The two girls were horrified !" (Oops! Another extra space after the thing with the dot under it (!)
" They shoved the dog(-)eared pages back in the cupboard,"
" Alone(,) at last(Oops! Backspace) , they made plans for what would inevitably be said to Mum the next morning.
From my bed(,) in the room across the hall(,) I heard them creating a story to hide behind, and fell asleep before they had finished."
" Bess, the eldest girl fixed him with a puzzled look(Oops! A bit heavy on the space bar, me thinks lol.) ,just as Mum came in the door."
"No dear, we found you at the cupboard. Don't you remember?" (Hahahaha! Cop that ya little bugger!)
"She found the story of Bobbie's sleepwalking (was) quite feasible as"
"instead of lying abed (in bed) until nearly midday."
"Saw nothing. Know nothing" response
which invariably got me off the hook and the girls and I got" (Back space to bring the lines together.)
"Finally(,) Bobbie's kicking and shouting began to wear on Mum's patience,"
"he slouched off down the yard and
made the chickens' lives miserable for a while calling them with a food call and then driving them away when they came racing up to him. (Back space the lines together... I used to do that to mum's rat-dogs.)
"What are you doing over there?" he called, his face dark with envy." (Sheesh! A serial pest.)
" Then he spotted the slender, red(-)covered book"
""I'm telling Mum." and was down the tree and running for the kitchen door before I could move . (Hoy! Back space the period lol.)
"my mother came striding down the yard with the pot stick from the laundry in her grasp. " (That flying leap sounds pretty bloody good about now.)
"brutal pot stick held in her large, capable hand and said one word . (Oops! Those darn extra spaces before the period remind me of Bobbie! Lol.)
""Do you like poetry.?"
"Yes(,)" I answered "
"Her eyes twinkled in amusement(Oops!) ."
" Bess's full mouth twisted in a sneer. I knew she was put out because I had not only escaped
punishment, but had gained Mum's approval. No fun in that!" (Back space the lines.)
"Don't let him catch you. (Remove the period and add a comma.)" she said.
"I won't" I answered."
Well, all's well that ends well lol.
My question is... Did Phil ever catch you?
Now, that's the way life should be... poets sticking together.
A really enjoyable yarn, mate.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 18-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2017
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Well, well, you finally came out of the closet and put your money where your mouth is! This has to be the most thorough and careful review I have ever received. Thank you very, very much. I do have a problem with the placement of full stops and commas. I tend to forget them in the haste to get the story written. I will go back over this piece and edit it carefully according to your instructions. Once again my sincere thanks for your review .(Sheesh! talk about under a microscope) Where do you hide? LOL cheers Cass
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You are always welcome, mate.
I'm bloody hopeless with commas. Sometimes when I read my stuff back it goes so slowly because there are way too many commas, and others it speeds along and I lose my breath because there are none. lol
Comment from frogbook
We are all quite glad, I am sure, that you read those books so we can be graced with your wonderful stories and poems. This was a well written biographical tale.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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We are all quite glad, I am sure, that you read those books so we can be graced with your wonderful stories and poems. This was a well written biographical tale.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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Dear JoAnn, ( You are JoAnn aren't you?) My memory takes Seniors' moments at times and I get things crossed and confused.
Anyway , thank you for your review and the five stars. It is nice to hear from you too. I always enjoyed poetry, both reading and writing it, but only since I joined FanStory have I received any real encouragement from people who "speak the same language as me" namely other poets and writers who don't have any personal axe to grind (like a chum who feels obliged to say something nice). Writing is a huge release for me, and something that I love doing. I never thought I'd come this far, but still the horizon beckons. Lead on McDuff cheers Cass
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Yes, JoAnn it is!
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written entry for the Non-Fiction Writing Contest. I think bigger brothers and sisters have always gotten into big brother, or big sister's room and look at or took items they enjoyed reading. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
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This is a very well written entry for the Non-Fiction Writing Contest. I think bigger brothers and sisters have always gotten into big brother, or big sister's room and look at or took items they enjoyed reading. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 16-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
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Dear Teri. Thank you for your review and the five stars. My bigger brothers and sisters were territorial to say the least, and very possessive of their own little "paddock". I didn't know what it was like to be able to lay claim to anything or any place until I was 16 or older. My belongings were seldom off limits to my younger siblings, who usually got into them no matter what threats were mad or what dreadful fate awaited any one who poached in private reserves. thing is though, that's all they were! "THINGS!"
Some people never get their priorities right, do they? cheers Cass
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Cass. What struck me most about your story (aside from it being well written, clear, and interesting) was the difference of families now and then. Mothers had children, but they weren't as involved in their lives as we are nowadays with our kids. The change in your mom's feeling toward you went from impersonal to warmth and camaraderie. Nicely done. Marilyn
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
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Hi Cass. What struck me most about your story (aside from it being well written, clear, and interesting) was the difference of families now and then. Mothers had children, but they weren't as involved in their lives as we are nowadays with our kids. The change in your mom's feeling toward you went from impersonal to warmth and camaraderie. Nicely done. Marilyn
Comment Written 15-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
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Dear Marilyn Thank you for your review and the five stars. Yes, you are right. Mum was never really "involved "with us as children. She never went to Mothers' Club at school and rarely turned up at the end of year visit to our class rooms. Although there was one year she came and visited all of us at school. She had been to the hairdresser just recently and had a new frock to wear, so we all had a treat that year .I'll never forget the look on Bess's face as I passed her with Mum's arm around me. She was livid. But she wouldn't dare incurring Mum's wrath by whispering in Phil's ear that I had been reading his poetry books. That would have taken a lot more daring than she had. Mum's anger (when roused) was "tres formidable" Cheers Cass
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Hi Cass. I guess parents do the best they can with the tools they have. If they've never received affection themselves, it's hard to give it.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
why did you never tell him that your love of poetry and writing started with him?
An excellent piece for the contest. You need to go back through and put periods where they are missing
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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why did you never tell him that your love of poetry and writing started with him?
An excellent piece for the contest. You need to go back through and put periods where they are missing
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Dear Barb, Thank you for your review and the five stars. The reason I never told him I had "borrowed" his books was that he was
a selfish, arrogant pratt who never had any time for anyone but himself. If he had known even long after the fact, he would have made me pay in some way. Thank you for the reminder about full stops. I've gone through and fixed it up. Cheers Cass
Comment from Joy Graham
I like your overall story :) It reminds me of some of my own family moments. I like that you borrowed books that improved your mind. I wish I had done that when I was a kid. Now you have me wanting to get a book of Wordsworth poetry. I've heard good things about him.
A few things I noticed as I read:
- a bunch of your paragraphs need a space to separate them from each other. It gets messy at times. Especially since this is a contest entry.
- "One night Mum went out leaving Bess and Dolly in charge( )" - needs a period to end the sentence.
- "(what ever,) it was (to) late to escape..." - should be one word I think - "whatever" and it should be, "too".
Best wishes to you in this contest. This has some elements of fun :)
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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I like your overall story :) It reminds me of some of my own family moments. I like that you borrowed books that improved your mind. I wish I had done that when I was a kid. Now you have me wanting to get a book of Wordsworth poetry. I've heard good things about him.
A few things I noticed as I read:
- a bunch of your paragraphs need a space to separate them from each other. It gets messy at times. Especially since this is a contest entry.
- "One night Mum went out leaving Bess and Dolly in charge( )" - needs a period to end the sentence.
- "(what ever,) it was (to) late to escape..." - should be one word I think - "whatever" and it should be, "too".
Best wishes to you in this contest. This has some elements of fun :)
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Dear Joy, thank you for your review and the five stars. If you haven't read Wordsworth ( goodness me!! tut tut) you have missed out on some sublime moments. I would definitely recommend a trip to the library ASAP for a volume of his works and settle down one dull, rainy day with a plate of your favourite food, a pot of coffee and the next few hours with the phone off the hook.
Bliss, darling. Utter, sheer, complete bliss. thank you also for pointing out a couple of errors. I fixed 'em up. cheers Cass
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
thank you so much for sharing your entry in the 'Non-Fiction' writing contest. Your story told of things some of us encountered as our love of books and poems grew from a bud of interest to downright obsession.
The thought you would tease the ire of your brother's anger made me smile.
Some things shouldn't be put on a shelf and not shared,
Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Hi there;
thank you so much for sharing your entry in the 'Non-Fiction' writing contest. Your story told of things some of us encountered as our love of books and poems grew from a bud of interest to downright obsession.
The thought you would tease the ire of your brother's anger made me smile.
Some things shouldn't be put on a shelf and not shared,
Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Dear Patty, thank you for your review and the five stars. The "ire of my brother's anger" was frightening in its strength and viciousness. He was a spoilt, vain , self indulgent pratt, who enjoyed making life difficult for those who got in his way or displeased him. "His books" were available to me in the Library as soon as I was old enough to join. There were many more whose works hadn't graced the dining room shelves that I found in the library. Swinburne, Noyes, Scott and many others. In later life I discovered Robert Frost and am still enchanted by his words. cheers Cass
Comment from Bill Schott
This story has a cool twist in it as a budding reader discovers both the highs and lows of published media. Pornography, like poetry, is pervasive and cannot be 'unseen'. The negative impact is a subconscious, salacious bent that will taint one's image of others. The positive is a love for the printer word and its power to entertain, uplift, and inform.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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This story has a cool twist in it as a budding reader discovers both the highs and lows of published media. Pornography, like poetry, is pervasive and cannot be 'unseen'. The negative impact is a subconscious, salacious bent that will taint one's image of others. The positive is a love for the printer word and its power to entertain, uplift, and inform.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Dear Bill, thank you for your review and the five stars. Your words about the "taint" of pornography strike a resounding note with me. I fully agree wholeheartedly .I did have a quick flick through the dirty books in the bottom cupboard, but they made me feel unclean and so I never looked at them again. I was far more content with my own choice of literature. Thanks again cheers Cass
Comment from MJ McIntire
This was an enjoyable story to read. It must have been wonderful to see all those books and take them out look through them and sneak off to read them.
I wonder what would have happened if permission was asked to read the books or was doing it secretly more exciting.
Why is it that your brother did not like to share?
Things did not work out so well for your younger brother Bobby that day-I thought that was funny.
MJ
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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This was an enjoyable story to read. It must have been wonderful to see all those books and take them out look through them and sneak off to read them.
I wonder what would have happened if permission was asked to read the books or was doing it secretly more exciting.
Why is it that your brother did not like to share?
Things did not work out so well for your younger brother Bobby that day-I thought that was funny.
MJ
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Dear MJ.Thank you for your review and the five stars. The day I realised what those books contained was the day my mind took flight. I remember being propped between the back of the couch and the cupboard door behind the dining room door and reaching for volume after volume of wonderful, beautiful words. There would have been Hell to pay if Phil had ever known I had dared to invade his space. M y school books would have been found ripped and scribbled in and I would have been the butt of every spiteful comment and practical joke. He was a big, strong young man and used his looks as a weapon. You either did as he said or else. Bobbie was a survivor and ended up getting books down for me. Mind you he let Mum know .
Cheers Cass
Comment from emptypage
This is a lovely story.
I, too, loved books from early on and often read books my mother checked out at the library, as well as the ones I checked out for myself. I read at a twelfth grade level in first grade, so those books weren't hard, but some concepts a young child shouldn't grasp were understood in my brain far sooner than was proper.
I love that you bonded with your mother over poetry.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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This is a lovely story.
I, too, loved books from early on and often read books my mother checked out at the library, as well as the ones I checked out for myself. I read at a twelfth grade level in first grade, so those books weren't hard, but some concepts a young child shouldn't grasp were understood in my brain far sooner than was proper.
I love that you bonded with your mother over poetry.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
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Dear Friend, Thank you for your review and the five stars. I taught myself to read and was following the serial in my mother's magazine at the age of eight. I also read to my Grandmother from her Bible when she lay terminally ill in bed and unable to go to church for any spiritual comfort. My brother's books were meat and drink to me, something my mother said she understood at a later date when I told her how I wanted to be a writer. Not that she ever did anything about it of course. that would have been too real, too actual for her. As long as we kept anything we dreamed of at a "pie in the sky " level it was alright. The minute it started to become real she would turn on us and say things like "don't get ideas above your station" ending up with "who do you think you are?" Anyway, I got part way there, and while there's life there's hope. cheers Cass
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You can still be a writer.
