Emancipation Day
I licked my lips and you, like Texas barbecue.46 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
That was a weird experience. I was expecting to read historical poetry. Surprised by a hip-hop melody. Song writing... well, nice work. It work together well. Good lyrical flow and rhymes. Great, but crazy visual imagery comes to mind. Nice work. Good luck. God bless you :)
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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That was a weird experience. I was expecting to read historical poetry. Surprised by a hip-hop melody. Song writing... well, nice work. It work together well. Good lyrical flow and rhymes. Great, but crazy visual imagery comes to mind. Nice work. Good luck. God bless you :)
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Thank you, sunnilicious, for your generous, six star review. I surprised myself with the crazy, visual imagery I concocted for my song. I am glad you noted the hip-hop melody because I was considering every musical style from punk rock to country. I will keep your suggestion in mind. Once again, thank you for your review and wishing me luck in the contest.
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, a song worthy to be sung - reminding us of those tenuous years and the fact that in some ways we are still there. The poem is constructed well and emotional in its message and delivery - appearing to be fully compliant with the prompt. Best of luck in the contest for this intended tribute...
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
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In my opinion, a song worthy to be sung - reminding us of those tenuous years and the fact that in some ways we are still there. The poem is constructed well and emotional in its message and delivery - appearing to be fully compliant with the prompt. Best of luck in the contest for this intended tribute...
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
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Yes, evesayshi, in some ways we are still there.
I am grateful the Beatles' "She Love You" taught me how to construct a song. I started an eleven week songwriting class last Tuesday in which the teacher told his students, "You can learn everything you need to know about songwriting by studying the Beatles early music." His comment confirmed I am on the right track to study the Beatles. He then gave me a tip sheet on how to construct a song and an assignment to write a love song by next week. Within two days I finished my song which I began a month ago.
Thank you for your review and for wishing me luck in the contest.
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You are most welcome...
Comment from oliver818
I like your lyrics they are great. If you ever put them to music it'd be interesting to hear. I especially liked the line about strawberry pop and the next bit. Thanks for sharing and have a really great day
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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I like your lyrics they are great. If you ever put them to music it'd be interesting to hear. I especially liked the line about strawberry pop and the next bit. Thanks for sharing and have a really great day
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Yes, Oliver, when I read that folks in Texas drink strawberry soda pop on Emancipation Day/Juneteenth, I had to get that in my song. The rest came naturally, so to speak. Thank you for your review. I started taking a songwriting class and hope to hook up with musicians who could put music to my lyrics.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Thanks for entering my Lyrics Make The Song Contest.
These lyrics are different and that make them unique.
By that, I mean they address a topic seldom considered in a song.
Colorful, descriptive, language adds another dimension to them as well.
Should make an interesting entry into this contest.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Thanks for entering my Lyrics Make The Song Contest.
These lyrics are different and that make them unique.
By that, I mean they address a topic seldom considered in a song.
Colorful, descriptive, language adds another dimension to them as well.
Should make an interesting entry into this contest.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Oh, thank you, Brett, for your review, compliments, and for holding the contest. I can't recall a single song that addresses Emanicpation Day/Juneteenth. Add to this a comparison of slavery to adultery makes my song different and unique.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks how is the order of feeling getting the true celebration of Emancipation Day as the mark of end of slavery, but the exploitation and abuse of sex could not be forgotten; I liked.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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This speaks how is the order of feeling getting the true celebration of Emancipation Day as the mark of end of slavery, but the exploitation and abuse of sex could not be forgotten; I liked.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Yes, my great, great, great grandmother was the slave mistress of a tobacco planter, but not by choice. That is partly why I'm twelve percent English and Irish. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi - a very clever, well written entry to the lyric contest. Well rhymed in good aabb rhyme, lengthy but never boring as the story is an interesting take on Emncipation Day. I like the repetition at the end. Very good. Warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Hi - a very clever, well written entry to the lyric contest. Well rhymed in good aabb rhyme, lengthy but never boring as the story is an interesting take on Emncipation Day. I like the repetition at the end. Very good. Warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Oh, thank you, Dorothy, for your review of my song what took over a month for me to write. What made the song was that I told a story and provided a clever twist on Emancioation Day. Thank you for your support.
Comment from Mustang Patty
thank you for sharing your entry in the Lyrics Make the Song entry. The flow of your words work well for a song, and the historical and current significance of the piece was well planned. If only Emancipation Day truly ended the strife,
~patty~
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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thank you for sharing your entry in the Lyrics Make the Song entry. The flow of your words work well for a song, and the historical and current significance of the piece was well planned. If only Emancipation Day truly ended the strife,
~patty~
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Yes, Patty, Emancipation did not end the strife that persists to today. I turned to the Beatles for tips on structuring a song and to my family's heritage as descendants of Texas slaves for the subject. Thank you for your review.
Comment from michaelcahill
Hmmm ... well, this is clever as hell, I can't deny that. AND this does happen though, of course, such temptation would never sway my angelic self ....
Exceptional flow and unique rhyme and imagery. Great historical references throughout. You managed to keep this fun enough that I doubt anyone will object, you may even get some offers. LOL mike
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Hmmm ... well, this is clever as hell, I can't deny that. AND this does happen though, of course, such temptation would never sway my angelic self ....
Exceptional flow and unique rhyme and imagery. Great historical references throughout. You managed to keep this fun enough that I doubt anyone will object, you may even get some offers. LOL mike
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Who knows, Michael, about offers, but it may happen because I hang around singers, songwriters, musicians, and teachers at the local folk club. I tinkered with this song since August 13 when I made a twenty-seven second demo recording of a melody on my iPhone and then struggled to put words to it. At one point I wrote an anarchic punk rock song about revolution. Last Tuesday, I signed up for an eleven week songwriting class which gave me an assignment to write a love song in one week. I brushed off my draft and got busy finishing my song.
Martina McBride's "independence Day" inspired me to write a song that told a story. I also borrowed six syllables per line from the Beatles' "She Loves You" and the idea of a pre-chorus from the late Glen Campbell's "Rhinestone Cowboy." I changed my song from random raging against tyranny to a story specific to Texas where my family is from and where we were freed as slaves one-hundred and fifty-two years ago. Moving the song away from my personal story of temptation allowed me to imagine characters meetin' and cheatin' at an Emancipation Day celebration in East Texas. Layering historical references to this story deepened it and yet my song remained fun.
I look forward to sharing my song to eight classmates and a teacher next Tuesday. Who knows. I might get an offer if it doesn't happen on FanStory first.
Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Bill Schott
These lyrics to the song, Emancipation Day, are a lot of fun to read and keep the topic lighthearted. "Orgasms that won't stop" seems like the most significant line here, being a good reason to stay bad. You should include a little audio to give this a kick. Nice going with this.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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These lyrics to the song, Emancipation Day, are a lot of fun to read and keep the topic lighthearted. "Orgasms that won't stop" seems like the most significant line here, being a good reason to stay bad. You should include a little audio to give this a kick. Nice going with this.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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I hope you're not asking for an audio of the nonstop orgasms, Bill. But, yes, many reviewers asked for an audio of singing and or music but the contest is lyrics only. Nevertheless, this is my songwriting assignment for a class I started this week. My dream is to hook up with some of the musicians in class who could play the music for me to sing to. Thank you for your encouraging review.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Thank God for the emancipation of slaves, the slaves and their families who suffered the atrocities and those who bravely fought for them and their rights... bless them all. This was very well written and an excellent write kind regards Meia :)
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Thank God for the emancipation of slaves, the slaves and their families who suffered the atrocities and those who bravely fought for them and their rights... bless them all. This was very well written and an excellent write kind regards Meia :)
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Yes, Meia, my song caused me to reflect that my slave ancestors in Texas slaved for two years after the Enancipation Proclamation because it took so long for Union troops to gain control of the last holdout of the old Confederacy. Thank you for your review and rejoicing about the end of slavery. Thank God, indeed.
