Autumn prelude
Stacked 5-7-524 total reviews
Comment from Irish Rain
I love every verse of this. It paints autumn for me, and I love it getting dark early, leaves falling, chilly breezes, all of it!! A great entry, blessings...
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
  |
I love every verse of this. It paints autumn for me, and I love it getting dark early, leaves falling, chilly breezes, all of it!! A great entry, blessings...
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
-
A superb review -thanks for reading zanya
Comment from bsmath
The picture you chose for your poem is very beautiful. Your poem is very well written and entertaining. I especially enjoyed the metaphor "shades". Have you ever written any poetry that rhymes and has meter like sonnets and limericks?
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
|
The picture you chose for your poem is very beautiful. Your poem is very well written and entertaining. I especially enjoyed the metaphor "shades". Have you ever written any poetry that rhymes and has meter like sonnets and limericks?
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
-
Thanks for reading and encouraging review - I plan on trying my hand at writing that great form of the sonnet !! zanya
Comment from jaded831
I like the way you incorporated sound into your poem. You paint a beautiful picture with your words. Each stanza flows int the next. You have great form and a picture to compliment your words. Flawless presentation. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
|
I like the way you incorporated sound into your poem. You paint a beautiful picture with your words. Each stanza flows int the next. You have great form and a picture to compliment your words. Flawless presentation. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
-
Wow ! -most encouraging - thanks for critique- yes I always think sound matters a lot when we are expressing words on a page zanya
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Very atmospheric and no picture required here, great descriptive words with a sense of change in the air, I wish you luck with the contest, best wishes, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
|
Very atmospheric and no picture required here, great descriptive words with a sense of change in the air, I wish you luck with the contest, best wishes, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
-
Great review -thanks for the accolade zanya
Comment from Thal1959
Thanks for posting this. I just went through several other poems, all of which seemed to be about depressing things. I enjoyed reading a "normal" poem here. Autumn is just around the corner, and with it comes Halloween and All Saints/Souls day - my favorite time of the year.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
|
Thanks for posting this. I just went through several other poems, all of which seemed to be about depressing things. I enjoyed reading a "normal" poem here. Autumn is just around the corner, and with it comes Halloween and All Saints/Souls day - my favorite time of the year.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
-
Great review - thanks for reading - yes Autumn brings such significant change zanya
-
You're welcome - it was my pleasure.
Comment from LIJ Red
Images of the fall are described clearly in the stack of five seven five stanzas.
This looks to me like an excellent entry for a stacked five seven five contest.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
|
Images of the fall are described clearly in the stack of five seven five stanzas.
This looks to me like an excellent entry for a stacked five seven five contest.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
-
Thanks for reading and a great critique zanya
Comment from smileycloud
very nice stack indeed
your description of the season to come is really well represented with great imagery and vivid word pictures
funny;- Our September brings spring before summer;-
I had to do a really speedy mental note thinking you had named the wrong month
it is easy to forget the writers on this site are American
have a smiley day
well done
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
|
very nice stack indeed
your description of the season to come is really well represented with great imagery and vivid word pictures
funny;- Our September brings spring before summer;-
I had to do a really speedy mental note thinking you had named the wrong month
it is easy to forget the writers on this site are American
have a smiley day
well done
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
-
Very interesting review !-yes we live in an upside down world ! -makes it so much more exciting !zanya
Comment from fastdigits
A stacked writing composed of seventeen syllables times three which meanders down the page playing a melody of the changing seasons that we experience each and every year, with each its own individual beauty.
Well done
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
|
A stacked writing composed of seventeen syllables times three which meanders down the page playing a melody of the changing seasons that we experience each and every year, with each its own individual beauty.
Well done
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
-
What a lyrical review -enjoyed reading this -thanks for the critique zanya
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Mystery Author
I enjoyed your stacked 5-7-5 as we edge ever closer to Autumn, my favorite time of year.
You must already know that the full moon we just experienced isn't the Harvest Moon of 2017. That will occur in October, closest to the equinox. So last week's full moon is called the Corn Moon (sometimes Fruit Moon or Barley Moon.) I'm a member of the Saint John Astronomy Club, and we learn all about this stuff at our monthly meetings. Harvest Moons can be in September, but not this year. So your poem is accurate.
Suggestion,
"September corn moon
glows over fields of ripened
bountiful harvest" ...(I suggest,
September corn moon
glows over ripened fields of
bountiful harvest)
"Chillier breezes
blow swirling russet brown leaves
to vagrant clusters" ...(I suggest,
Blustery breezes
blow swirling russet brown leaves
to vagrant clusters)
One other thing here, though. "russet" means "reddish brown", so you're overdoing the color there. It's a lot of adjectives for the leaves, just to get those 7 syllables in. I'd say give it just a bit more thought. But I like what you're trying to do, showing how these dry leaves swirl into a circle. They are hobos, blowing anywhere, doesn't matter. Love the adjective, "vagrant" to describe them! Wanderers.
I also like the homey feeling in your final verse, the logs crackling in the fireplace.
Nicely penned for the contest. Good Luck!
cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
|
Hi Mystery Author
I enjoyed your stacked 5-7-5 as we edge ever closer to Autumn, my favorite time of year.
You must already know that the full moon we just experienced isn't the Harvest Moon of 2017. That will occur in October, closest to the equinox. So last week's full moon is called the Corn Moon (sometimes Fruit Moon or Barley Moon.) I'm a member of the Saint John Astronomy Club, and we learn all about this stuff at our monthly meetings. Harvest Moons can be in September, but not this year. So your poem is accurate.
Suggestion,
"September corn moon
glows over fields of ripened
bountiful harvest" ...(I suggest,
September corn moon
glows over ripened fields of
bountiful harvest)
"Chillier breezes
blow swirling russet brown leaves
to vagrant clusters" ...(I suggest,
Blustery breezes
blow swirling russet brown leaves
to vagrant clusters)
One other thing here, though. "russet" means "reddish brown", so you're overdoing the color there. It's a lot of adjectives for the leaves, just to get those 7 syllables in. I'd say give it just a bit more thought. But I like what you're trying to do, showing how these dry leaves swirl into a circle. They are hobos, blowing anywhere, doesn't matter. Love the adjective, "vagrant" to describe them! Wanderers.
I also like the homey feeling in your final verse, the logs crackling in the fireplace.
Nicely penned for the contest. Good Luck!
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
-
A superb. comprehensive review - loved it - and the practical suggestions -thanks for reading zanya
Comment from June Sargent
You've painted a lovely picture with your words of the changes that come from autumn ushering our summer's warmth. Swallows prepare to migrate while the rest prepare to hibernate indoors by the fire. Well done. Should do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
|
You've painted a lovely picture with your words of the changes that come from autumn ushering our summer's warmth. Swallows prepare to migrate while the rest prepare to hibernate indoors by the fire. Well done. Should do well in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
-
Thanks for reading and the review zanya
