Hearts Disintegrate
definitely not autobiographical19 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a very good poem, Joan, and I do think many people can identify with it. What is the turning point couples face that turns off the consideration and respect? We may never know, but something changed. You've expressed it very well here. Excellent work. Marilyn
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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This is a very good poem, Joan, and I do think many people can identify with it. What is the turning point couples face that turns off the consideration and respect? We may never know, but something changed. You've expressed it very well here. Excellent work. Marilyn
Comment Written 24-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2017
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Glad you liked it and feel in will resonate with many. Thanks for the review and the five star rating.
Joan
Comment from pome lover
for something that is not biographical, it expresses the feelings of a break-up very well. If I may make one suggestion - strictly my feeling when I read it - in the 4th two-line verse, I think it would be more powerful if you said, "Now we are surrounded by silence." or sadness - either one, but just that short, simple statement.
Anyway, it's a good poem.
pome lover
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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for something that is not biographical, it expresses the feelings of a break-up very well. If I may make one suggestion - strictly my feeling when I read it - in the 4th two-line verse, I think it would be more powerful if you said, "Now we are surrounded by silence." or sadness - either one, but just that short, simple statement.
Anyway, it's a good poem.
pome lover
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the review and editing help. I will take it on advisement. I am glad you found it life like,
dp
Comment from Brigitte Elko
This poem will be one others can easily relate to. It was easy to read and the content understandable. Thank you for sharing these sad state of affairs in poetry.
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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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This poem will be one others can easily relate to. It was easy to read and the content understandable. Thank you for sharing these sad state of affairs in poetry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the review and rating.
dp
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You are very welcome. Keep writing!
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I'll keep writing for as long as my mind an fingers allow me to.
dp
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This is good to hear.
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Hearts Disintegrate, is a sad look at the unwinding of a relationship that leaves two hearts adrift in a world, different, really, than the one they were single in before. Glad it's just art.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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This poem, Hearts Disintegrate, is a sad look at the unwinding of a relationship that leaves two hearts adrift in a world, different, really, than the one they were single in before. Glad it's just art.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the comments and all the stars. I am also glad it's not art mirroring life.
Joan
Comment from jaded831
I enjoyed your poem. Unfortunately it describes too many relationships. Your poem is very emotional, flows, has a theme, I feel is universal. Even happy relationship have their moments. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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I enjoyed your poem. Unfortunately it describes too many relationships. Your poem is very emotional, flows, has a theme, I feel is universal. Even happy relationship have their moments. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the kind comments. You are right about the happiest of relationships having their down times.
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Comment from lyenochka
That is so tragic when that happens. And it happens all too often at surprising stages of life. I like the use of the "attic" for those long lost shared memories and the "souls entwined are now two strangers." Hope they can at least heal from the "implosion/explosion" and can talk civilly with each other again.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
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That is so tragic when that happens. And it happens all too often at surprising stages of life. I like the use of the "attic" for those long lost shared memories and the "souls entwined are now two strangers." Hope they can at least heal from the "implosion/explosion" and can talk civilly with each other again.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. Glad it resonated with you.
dp
Comment from LaRosa
the opening stanza is powerful!
The flow of emotion, of desire followed by loss, the expressions of love that ceases to exist..are beautifully expressed throughout the entire poem. It grows and ebbs, rises and falls, unable to exist as One.
The rhythm is natural, conversational.
I love the concept that a safe haven has become a war-zone in need of an Ambassador!
Wow.
I have a thought and don't want you to think I don't like any part of the poem, because I do. You have two poem opportunities here. You could even have just spoken the first stanza and had a winner!
Ouch, where'd all my Sixes go?
a dusty attic of memories,
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
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the opening stanza is powerful!
The flow of emotion, of desire followed by loss, the expressions of love that ceases to exist..are beautifully expressed throughout the entire poem. It grows and ebbs, rises and falls, unable to exist as One.
The rhythm is natural, conversational.
I love the concept that a safe haven has become a war-zone in need of an Ambassador!
Wow.
I have a thought and don't want you to think I don't like any part of the poem, because I do. You have two poem opportunities here. You could even have just spoken the first stanza and had a winner!
Ouch, where'd all my Sixes go?
a dusty attic of memories,
Comment Written 20-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
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Thanks for such a thorough and encouraging review. I am honored you though it deserved a six star rating.
Joan
Comment from sandy montgomery
A sad end to a love story indeed. I like how you used alliteration and rhyme as devices to emphasize certain ideas or words. It has an effective simplicity that hints of that dryness that comes at the end when there is nothing left to do. Thank you.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
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A sad end to a love story indeed. I like how you used alliteration and rhyme as devices to emphasize certain ideas or words. It has an effective simplicity that hints of that dryness that comes at the end when there is nothing left to do. Thank you.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
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Thank you very much the the kind words and all the stars.
dragonpoet
Comment from tfawcus
A poem in contemplation of a situation that faces many. The love that waxed in the face of the moon, begins to fade. The metaphor of the fire works well, with its initial heat and its dying embers. Loved that cryptic one word ending! One wonders if a Phoenix will arise from the ashes! LOL
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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A poem in contemplation of a situation that faces many. The love that waxed in the face of the moon, begins to fade. The metaphor of the fire works well, with its initial heat and its dying embers. Loved that cryptic one word ending! One wonders if a Phoenix will arise from the ashes! LOL
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the thorough review, Tony. Glad you liked it. Sometimes a single word has more impact.
Joan
Comment from Mustang Patty
This is incredibly sad. I'm glad you noted that it wasn't autobiographical. It does have the ring of truth -- you attend a couple's wedding one year and just a short time later, they are in divorce court. The battles for property are fierce and no one seems to remember the loving decisions once made.
Well done,
~patty~
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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This is incredibly sad. I'm glad you noted that it wasn't autobiographical. It does have the ring of truth -- you attend a couple's wedding one year and just a short time later, they are in divorce court. The battles for property are fierce and no one seems to remember the loving decisions once made.
Well done,
~patty~
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review, Patty. It does seem like that sometimes. Luckily for me I have been married for 31 years.
Joan
