Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "Chapter Dreizehn part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
24 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb,
what is so good about this chapter is how I felt a bit of tension between Jeff, Philip, and Anderson at Anastasiya's Tea Room when they saw ---
two men standing at the bar watching from the mirror,
it seemed to me it was hard for all of them to make a decision of what they wanted to order for food and drink.
Gert
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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Hello Barb,
what is so good about this chapter is how I felt a bit of tension between Jeff, Philip, and Anderson at Anastasiya's Tea Room when they saw ---
two men standing at the bar watching from the mirror,
it seemed to me it was hard for all of them to make a decision of what they wanted to order for food and drink.
Gert
Comment Written 01-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the generous reviews.
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You are welcome Barb
Gert
Comment from bookishfabler
Hello there. So sorry again. It really is taking me a long time to get to things. Just so busy. I don't know when I will even post again. Hopefully Sunday unless Joe has other plans, that never coincide with mine. Anyway, a very good chapter. I like the atmosphere you created and the food sounded good. I wish I could afford it.
Hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Hello there. So sorry again. It really is taking me a long time to get to things. Just so busy. I don't know when I will even post again. Hopefully Sunday unless Joe has other plans, that never coincide with mine. Anyway, a very good chapter. I like the atmosphere you created and the food sounded good. I wish I could afford it.
Hugs Heidi
Comment Written 30-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I understand being busy and family interfering with our writing. LOL
Comment from Macsween
Nice. Liked it. First art I've read. Good build of tension leading to the end cliff hanger. I'd like to continue reading. I'll go back and read the previous chapters first.
Good work.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Nice. Liked it. First art I've read. Good build of tension leading to the end cliff hanger. I'd like to continue reading. I'll go back and read the previous chapters first.
Good work.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
EXCELLENT SECTION--DREW ME RIHT INTO THE SCENE. the tension is tangible. Good use of descriptive detail to make it come to life and enhance characterization too. Great pacing. A few suggestions:
*
A tall, slender, young man came to their table and(,) with an Eastern European accent(,) said, "I'll be your server this evening. My name is Maxim. What can I get you to drink?"
* As he left, Maxim right(-)angle(-)turned, again, and nodded toward the two men watching Jeff,
Anderson, and Philip.
Alternative; As he left, Maxim MADE A right angle turn,
* "It sure is(,) and I predict it's about to get busier."
Waiting to see what happens next...
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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EXCELLENT SECTION--DREW ME RIHT INTO THE SCENE. the tension is tangible. Good use of descriptive detail to make it come to life and enhance characterization too. Great pacing. A few suggestions:
*
A tall, slender, young man came to their table and(,) with an Eastern European accent(,) said, "I'll be your server this evening. My name is Maxim. What can I get you to drink?"
* As he left, Maxim right(-)angle(-)turned, again, and nodded toward the two men watching Jeff,
Anderson, and Philip.
Alternative; As he left, Maxim MADE A right angle turn,
* "It sure is(,) and I predict it's about to get busier."
Waiting to see what happens next...
Love,
rd
Comment Written 29-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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I waited to answer until I had time to make the corrections. Thank you.
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:-))
Comment from Sis Cat
A compelling transitional scene representing the calm before the storm. There is an underlining tone of danger in this meeting in such an opulent setting:
Jeff's napkin slipped to the floor. He bent to get it and lingered as he studied the men. When he sat upright, he nodded. "At least two are carrying and have backups," he mouthed.
I fear a restaurant shootout scene like those in the Godfather. These Russians have an air of danger, making me agree with Shana's hesitancy to risk lives to retrieve her family's painting.
Tiny edits:
Maitre d'
has an accent at the end. FanStory will never be able to convert that hat-like figure over the "i" in Maire d' .
Also, you have a gap between these portions of the same sentence which need to be closed:
nodded toward the two men watching Jeff,
Anderson, and Philip.
Thank you for sharing. I look forward to your next chapter.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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A compelling transitional scene representing the calm before the storm. There is an underlining tone of danger in this meeting in such an opulent setting:
Jeff's napkin slipped to the floor. He bent to get it and lingered as he studied the men. When he sat upright, he nodded. "At least two are carrying and have backups," he mouthed.
I fear a restaurant shootout scene like those in the Godfather. These Russians have an air of danger, making me agree with Shana's hesitancy to risk lives to retrieve her family's painting.
Tiny edits:
Maitre d'
has an accent at the end. FanStory will never be able to convert that hat-like figure over the "i" in Maire d' .
Also, you have a gap between these portions of the same sentence which need to be closed:
nodded toward the two men watching Jeff,
Anderson, and Philip.
Thank you for sharing. I look forward to your next chapter.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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I had that sentence without the space and a reviewer told me I needed one. I took it back out. Thank you.
Comment from kathleenspalding
OOooo! good cliffhanger ending! Good chapter keeps the story moving and kept my interest. One typo and a couple things for your consideration.
..left side of the room.
..scanned the room. (might want to change one of the 'room's)
I'll (immediately - can delete) bring your drinks.
...two men watching Jeff,(delete hard return)
Anderson, and Philip.
...been watching (from the bar? to remind the reader?) occupied it. (or could show them walking over from the bar to take their seats at the table)
That's it. Good job!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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OOooo! good cliffhanger ending! Good chapter keeps the story moving and kept my interest. One typo and a couple things for your consideration.
..left side of the room.
..scanned the room. (might want to change one of the 'room's)
I'll (immediately - can delete) bring your drinks.
...two men watching Jeff,(delete hard return)
Anderson, and Philip.
...been watching (from the bar? to remind the reader?) occupied it. (or could show them walking over from the bar to take their seats at the table)
That's it. Good job!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the catches. I appreciate the help.
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You're welcome
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
You set the scenes so well, Barbara - and gradually build up the intrigue that holds the readers' interest. I really enjoy your work. Well penned, my friend.
Blessings,
Margaret
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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You set the scenes so well, Barbara - and gradually build up the intrigue that holds the readers' interest. I really enjoy your work. Well penned, my friend.
Blessings,
Margaret
Comment Written 29-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Nice to see the boys out of the apartment for a change and seemingly making a presence in the tea room.
I wondered why a Russian restaurant serving Beluga caviar would have 'frites' (French) on their menu? It just seemed at odds with the other items, both in terms of class and culture.
watching Jeff,
Anderson, and Philip. - unneeded line break here.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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Nice to see the boys out of the apartment for a change and seemingly making a presence in the tea room.
I wondered why a Russian restaurant serving Beluga caviar would have 'frites' (French) on their menu? It just seemed at odds with the other items, both in terms of class and culture.
watching Jeff,
Anderson, and Philip. - unneeded line break here.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
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I don't understand the French either, but i took it from a Russian Tea Room menu. LOL Thank you for the help.
Comment from Wendy Winter
It seems real to me. I jumped into the story late but I am interested to learn more. I found it easy to follow and have a good sense of the relationship between Philip, Jeff and Anderson. Good Job.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
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It seems real to me. I jumped into the story late but I am interested to learn more. I found it easy to follow and have a good sense of the relationship between Philip, Jeff and Anderson. Good Job.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good afternoon, Barbara.
Excellent scene structure, you were able to show the smallest of details. The intrigue builds slowly, the anticipation of of conflict between your characters and the men who now occupy the table adjacent to them soon to come to a head. Enjoyed.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
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Good afternoon, Barbara.
Excellent scene structure, you were able to show the smallest of details. The intrigue builds slowly, the anticipation of of conflict between your characters and the men who now occupy the table adjacent to them soon to come to a head. Enjoyed.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 28-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
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I hope I can satisfy that anticipation. Thank you for the kind review.
