Dinner
Romance Renewed10 total reviews
Comment from beizanten
Interesting first paragraph. the setting is describe very well. The character is believable, well describe, interesting and pretty much come to life. Keep up the great work!
Best of luck with your contest
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
Interesting first paragraph. the setting is describe very well. The character is believable, well describe, interesting and pretty much come to life. Keep up the great work!
Best of luck with your contest
Comment Written 29-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
-
So glad you enjoyed this thank youndornyour support
Comment from sunnilicious
Dresses look nice, however, you're right we women enjoy being in comfy clothing. Good storytelling narrative with dialogue. Romance in the air. He better work on keeping if it's really love. Nice work.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
Dresses look nice, however, you're right we women enjoy being in comfy clothing. Good storytelling narrative with dialogue. Romance in the air. He better work on keeping if it's really love. Nice work.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for your support
Comment from N.K. Wagner
You've got a little editing to do, I'm afraid. Didn't finish all the corrections, but this will give you an idea what to look for. A sweet love story. :) Nancy
Saving money traveling together was a plus for them.s - remove "s"
The walls were decorated with rodeo star pictures and a collection of her accolades she had won over her mere eighteen years. - "a collection of THE accolades" might flow better.
There was even pictures of her and Matt together - There WERE
it was all she could do not to stare. She stared at Matt - shew didn't stare, but she did?
She couldn't help tease Matt she said "your moving too slow for a hungry man!"-
"teasing"/period after Matt. / She said, You're moving too slow..."
Just a quiet weekend here in the mountains with the phone turned off,no worrie,or any place to rush off too. - space after "off,"/"worries," space/rush off to.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
You've got a little editing to do, I'm afraid. Didn't finish all the corrections, but this will give you an idea what to look for. A sweet love story. :) Nancy
Saving money traveling together was a plus for them.s - remove "s"
The walls were decorated with rodeo star pictures and a collection of her accolades she had won over her mere eighteen years. - "a collection of THE accolades" might flow better.
There was even pictures of her and Matt together - There WERE
it was all she could do not to stare. She stared at Matt - shew didn't stare, but she did?
She couldn't help tease Matt she said "your moving too slow for a hungry man!"-
"teasing"/period after Matt. / She said, You're moving too slow..."
Just a quiet weekend here in the mountains with the phone turned off,no worrie,or any place to rush off too. - space after "off,"/"worries," space/rush off to.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for the heads up and the wonderful support
-
Hope it helped. :)
-
Thank you kindly for your support
Comment from doggymad
A nice entry for the contest. Just one suggestion, you could have told the reader that she worked at the diner. I actually thought is was at her grandpa's house.
I wish you all the best in the competition
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
A nice entry for the contest. Just one suggestion, you could have told the reader that she worked at the diner. I actually thought is was at her grandpa's house.
I wish you all the best in the competition
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 14-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for your kindness and support
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
end of first paragraph take off the s
comfort clothes (a lot) -take that out
There (were) even pictures
tease Matt. She said
to remind him that he and Cali weren't
cowboy! Did....supper."
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
end of first paragraph take off the s
comfort clothes (a lot) -take that out
There (were) even pictures
tease Matt. She said
to remind him that he and Cali weren't
cowboy! Did....supper."
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
-
Rewrote had computer problems
-
Rewrote had computer problems
-
Raised to a 5. Thank youfor letting me know
-
Smiles
-
I made some corrections
Comment from mkflood
interesting story. i do want to thank you for selecting my work. it is an honor to have my work included with yours. good job on the story and thanks again..mkflood
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
interesting story. i do want to thank you for selecting my work. it is an honor to have my work included with yours. good job on the story and thanks again..mkflood
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for your kindness and support
Comment from Ric Myworld
I can see me traveling the rodeo circuit, enjoying the events, socializing, and of course, eating. However, I would have to be a rail bird, hanging over watching. My days of bronc riding, bull riding, roping or tying, or even having much of a seat in a saddle are gone. Besides, these days I would rather ride in a comfy seat with air conditioning, stereo, and cup holder. Thanks for another fun read. :-)
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
I can see me traveling the rodeo circuit, enjoying the events, socializing, and of course, eating. However, I would have to be a rail bird, hanging over watching. My days of bronc riding, bull riding, roping or tying, or even having much of a seat in a saddle are gone. Besides, these days I would rather ride in a comfy seat with air conditioning, stereo, and cup holder. Thanks for another fun read. :-)
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
-
Than you for your sip port and kindness
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks the cultural manifestation and state of affairs and people's thought and activation for living the year round, especially from spring time to approaching winter; I liked.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
This speaks the cultural manifestation and state of affairs and people's thought and activation for living the year round, especially from spring time to approaching winter; I liked.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for your kindness and support
Comment from Poetic Friend
I like this very short story. There seems to be lots to do, and everyone was trying to get things done.
Presumably, everyone was trying to get things done for the romantic dinner.
Just a few comma suggestions for your consideration:
It was springtime down on the ranch(,) and everything and everyone one was in a hurry to get things done. Winter had been long and drawn out this year(and) everyone was getting on each other's nerves. Winter in Montana was now over(,) and everyone would become rushing to get out on the rodeo circuit again. They all had so much to be thankful for.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
I like this very short story. There seems to be lots to do, and everyone was trying to get things done.
Presumably, everyone was trying to get things done for the romantic dinner.
Just a few comma suggestions for your consideration:
It was springtime down on the ranch(,) and everything and everyone one was in a hurry to get things done. Winter had been long and drawn out this year(and) everyone was getting on each other's nerves. Winter in Montana was now over(,) and everyone would become rushing to get out on the rodeo circuit again. They all had so much to be thankful for.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for your support and kindness
Comment from Mustang Patty
Your entry for the romantic dinner contest didn't strike me as a story about a romantic dinner as much as it felt like a dinner to give thanks after a long winter.
Much of the writing is stilted because there are missing words or the wrong form of the word used. I've made some notes;
A nit: 'It was springtime down on the ranch and everything and everyone (-one)'
'this year (and)everyone was getting on...'
' would become rushing to' (either become to OR would rush to)
I gave you a four star because it needs some editing and to meet the prompt of the contest better,
~patty~
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
Your entry for the romantic dinner contest didn't strike me as a story about a romantic dinner as much as it felt like a dinner to give thanks after a long winter.
Much of the writing is stilted because there are missing words or the wrong form of the word used. I've made some notes;
A nit: 'It was springtime down on the ranch and everything and everyone (-one)'
'this year (and)everyone was getting on...'
' would become rushing to' (either become to OR would rush to)
I gave you a four star because it needs some editing and to meet the prompt of the contest better,
~patty~
Comment Written 13-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
-
Thank you for your support and kindness