Cape of Good Hope
Death or treasure on the high seas.16 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
Your accompanying picture of Poseidon--Greek god of the sea, earthquakes, and horses--bares a striking resemblance to Hannibal Lecter of Silence of the Lambs fame, Kay. LOL...
In all seriousness, I felt you did a fabulous job in the composition of this poem.
"Ships lay 'neath the wrecking waves.
Once proud vessels--wat'ry graves.
Greedy for treasure, nothing doth last;
Poseidon's Trident holds them fast" ... And let's not forget Davey Jone's locker, 'ey?
Excellent...
~Dean ;)
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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Your accompanying picture of Poseidon--Greek god of the sea, earthquakes, and horses--bares a striking resemblance to Hannibal Lecter of Silence of the Lambs fame, Kay. LOL...
In all seriousness, I felt you did a fabulous job in the composition of this poem.
"Ships lay 'neath the wrecking waves.
Once proud vessels--wat'ry graves.
Greedy for treasure, nothing doth last;
Poseidon's Trident holds them fast" ... And let's not forget Davey Jone's locker, 'ey?
Excellent...
~Dean ;)
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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Ho, Ho, Ho and a bottle of rum! Thanks so much Dean. Pleased you enjoyed my poem. Love the skull you sent to me! XXK.
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The pleasure was all mine, Kay.
I gotta soft spot for pirates, mariners and adventure on the high seas, lol... :)
Comment from Thal1959
Overall, a good write, although the meter varies in and out. "White caps roil, sailors' will learn" this is common lately. People are trying to make a plural possessive by placing the apostrophe after the s. Even here, it should be "sailor's."
But allow me to give you an example of how your metrical variation takes away from the reading of the work... The second stanza is mostly a tetrameter, with the second line almost becoming a pentameter. If the second line, "Treasure to be had, tales to be told" was shortened to, "Treasure is had, tales are told," then it has the same meter as the three other lines in the stanza. Take a look at the last stanza...
"Ships lay 'neath the waves (5 syllables - trimeter)
Once proud vessels, now graves (6 syllables - trimeter)
Greedy for treasure, nothing doth last (9 syllables - tetrameter)
Poseidon's Trident holds them fast" (8 syllables - tetrameter)
The problem with this is that when the meter fluctuates in a sort of random haphazard way, it takes away from what the lines are saying. If the syllable count, and the beat is even, the rhythm does not distract the reader. This stanza can be adjusted easily, and that is the point I am trying to make. It is not hard to keep a meter and beat smooth - just a little minor tweaking here and there. As an example, using this stanza...
"Ships lay 'neath the (azure) waves
Once proud vessels, now (are) graves
Greed[y] for treasure, nothing [doth] lasts
Poseidon's Trident holds them fast"
Parenthesis show inserted words, and brackets show deleted word or modifications. Now, all four lines are 7 syllables and in tetrameter. I hope you don't mind the lecture.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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Overall, a good write, although the meter varies in and out. "White caps roil, sailors' will learn" this is common lately. People are trying to make a plural possessive by placing the apostrophe after the s. Even here, it should be "sailor's."
But allow me to give you an example of how your metrical variation takes away from the reading of the work... The second stanza is mostly a tetrameter, with the second line almost becoming a pentameter. If the second line, "Treasure to be had, tales to be told" was shortened to, "Treasure is had, tales are told," then it has the same meter as the three other lines in the stanza. Take a look at the last stanza...
"Ships lay 'neath the waves (5 syllables - trimeter)
Once proud vessels, now graves (6 syllables - trimeter)
Greedy for treasure, nothing doth last (9 syllables - tetrameter)
Poseidon's Trident holds them fast" (8 syllables - tetrameter)
The problem with this is that when the meter fluctuates in a sort of random haphazard way, it takes away from what the lines are saying. If the syllable count, and the beat is even, the rhythm does not distract the reader. This stanza can be adjusted easily, and that is the point I am trying to make. It is not hard to keep a meter and beat smooth - just a little minor tweaking here and there. As an example, using this stanza...
"Ships lay 'neath the (azure) waves
Once proud vessels, now (are) graves
Greed[y] for treasure, nothing [doth] lasts
Poseidon's Trident holds them fast"
Parenthesis show inserted words, and brackets show deleted word or modifications. Now, all four lines are 7 syllables and in tetrameter. I hope you don't mind the lecture.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much for your in-depth review. You obviously know your onions when it comes to writing poetry. I applaud your interest, I however, know nothing about most of the things you mentioned. I just write from my heart. Bless you clever person.
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No problem - I review a few daily poems from another "Aussie" who writes from the heart and also has an unsteady meter.
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Ha, Ha, The only meter I've got is a gas meter. Cheers XX Kay.
Comment from rama devi
Excellent flow and rhyming.
Excellent imagery.
Excellent presentation-and the picture and poem enhance each other well!
Excellent tone and tenor to match the theme and subject.
There are minor spag issues, and I also wonder why you use periods at the ends of stanzas but nowhere else. I suggest either using no end-line punctuation or using it fully. Stanza ends have a pause from the line break, so no need for those periods, I think.
NOTES
Cape of Good Hope; pirates bold
Treasure to be had, tales to be told
Sailors(') game to sail the Cape
Left-over scraps from seagulls seen
leftover is one word, I believe
For dead sailors(,) there is no night.
*
Once(-)proud vessels, now graves
Enjoyed this.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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Excellent flow and rhyming.
Excellent imagery.
Excellent presentation-and the picture and poem enhance each other well!
Excellent tone and tenor to match the theme and subject.
There are minor spag issues, and I also wonder why you use periods at the ends of stanzas but nowhere else. I suggest either using no end-line punctuation or using it fully. Stanza ends have a pause from the line break, so no need for those periods, I think.
NOTES
Cape of Good Hope; pirates bold
Treasure to be had, tales to be told
Sailors(') game to sail the Cape
Left-over scraps from seagulls seen
leftover is one word, I believe
For dead sailors(,) there is no night.
*
Once(-)proud vessels, now graves
Enjoyed this.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much for your in-depth review. So glad you enjoyed and I do appreciate your comments. If one isn't told how to write properly, how can one go forward? I have had no teaching except from Brooke, you would remember her. I miss her love so much. Blessings, Kay.
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Ah yes, our Brooke is much missed! Love her too!
Thanks for your gracious response.
Warm Smiles, rd
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When we got the message about Brooke and I know she had been battling for some time. We talked much. Something happened to my heart, I just felt as if she died. Miranda isn't great telling us about Brooke, more about Sawyer (son) that Brooke loves. I have sent birthday cards etc. nary a reply. I know she can't write. I wish I had a contact in the States that was close to her. Oh, well gentle rain falling here and it is winter. Bless you my friend. Shalom, Kay. XX
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Thanks for your loving note. I am sure, on some subtle level, Brooke can feel your love and concern. Bless you, dear Kay. Shalom! Hugs, rd
Comment from mermaids
This is fabulous. You tell a tale of adventure in poetic form. Your use of words creates vivid images that take the reader to another place. I can see Poseidon and the pirates.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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This is fabulous. You tell a tale of adventure in poetic form. Your use of words creates vivid images that take the reader to another place. I can see Poseidon and the pirates.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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Hey! Wonderful review. so pleased you liked my story/poem. Best wishes and thanks for dropping in. Cheers, Kay.
Comment from patcelaw
I enjoyed reading this. once again it only serves as a reminder as to why I do not like the oceans. The power of the seas could take men away in the blink of an eye. patricia
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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I enjoyed reading this. once again it only serves as a reminder as to why I do not like the oceans. The power of the seas could take men away in the blink of an eye. patricia
Comment Written 05-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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Glad you liked my story/poem. You are the first person ever to have made comment on not liking the ocean! My poem was fantasy. Because we live by the ocean and Australia is surrounded by the seas, we love her beauty and respect her power. Thanks for reading. Cheers, Kay.
Comment from Sasha
I really enjoyed this. Excellent imagery, marvelous rhythm and rhyme too. This tells a terrific story of the bravery, or insanity of the sailors that made this trip. So many died along with the treasure they were carrying. Very very nice work with this. I enjoyed it immensely.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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I really enjoyed this. Excellent imagery, marvelous rhythm and rhyme too. This tells a terrific story of the bravery, or insanity of the sailors that made this trip. So many died along with the treasure they were carrying. Very very nice work with this. I enjoyed it immensely.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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Wow! Hey, thank you so much for your great review! If you can see the scenes I create, then I am happy. Cheers, Kay XX
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the Cape of Good hope at the south point of Africa today better known as Cape Town. Many sailors came to this point in hope to find a better life, but many drown not far from dry land.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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A very well-written poem about the Cape of Good hope at the south point of Africa today better known as Cape Town. Many sailors came to this point in hope to find a better life, but many drown not far from dry land.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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Hello Sandra, Thanks so much for your review, yes, it was a deathly place. You probably would know more about it than me.
Cheers, Kay.
Comment from Jackson77
Greedy for treasure, nothing doth last
Poseidon's Trident holds them fast.
Its a really great poem it sucked me right in from the first line and spoke to me at the end as I have been guilty of being greedy for treasure and as I read it a second time I like it even more. Great flow and images you take me into the ocean.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2017
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Greedy for treasure, nothing doth last
Poseidon's Trident holds them fast.
Its a really great poem it sucked me right in from the first line and spoke to me at the end as I have been guilty of being greedy for treasure and as I read it a second time I like it even more. Great flow and images you take me into the ocean.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2017
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Hello Jackson. Thanks for reading and so glad you enjoyed the poem. Cheers, Kay.
Comment from lyenochka
Makes me think of all those seafaring adventure seekers. I think in " sailor's will learn" you might want just the plural: sailors will learn. The sea is still a dangerous place.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2017
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Makes me think of all those seafaring adventure seekers. I think in " sailor's will learn" you might want just the plural: sailors will learn. The sea is still a dangerous place.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2017
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Hello lyenochka, Thanks so much for reading and glad you enjoyed. Cheers, Kay.
Comment from marybell1
I enjoyed reading your poem "Cape Of Good Hope". You told of the dangers there and I loved your picture. Just one thing in line for you only have a near rhyme. All the others were spot on.
All the best.
Marybell1.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2017
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I enjoyed reading your poem "Cape Of Good Hope". You told of the dangers there and I loved your picture. Just one thing in line for you only have a near rhyme. All the others were spot on.
All the best.
Marybell1.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2017
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Thanks so much for reading and glad you enjoyed. Cheers, Kay.
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You are most welcome.
Marybell1.
