Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

thank you for sharing this fable with such an important lesson. All too often, we fear the things or people that could mean the difference between life and death. I wish you luck in the contest,

~patty~

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017

Thanks for reading, Patty.

Comment from kathleenspalding

Excellent

Whew! That is one powerful fable with a very true moral. I don't see anything that needs to be corrected. A bit chilling that it has 911 words - was that intentional? Good luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Thanks, Kathleen. The 911 words are coincidental.
I noticed it right in the beginning and looked for a word or two to alter, but couldn't find one to drop, (no point in making the story longer).
Strangely, I think the 911 word count has put readers off. I think they find it too insinuating. Clearly, many readers do not wish to forgive--and to be fair to the families that have lost loved ones in that tragedy, the question of forgiveness is for them alone to decide. People who have not lost loved ones in that situation have no right to dictate forgiveness to them. Only they can make the choice. I firmly believe it is a matter between them (the offended) and God.

reply by kathleenspalding on 28-Jun-2017

What a coincidence, especially given the nature of the story! I agree, forgiveness from God is promised for those who confess and repent. As for us humans, it can be harder, and it's up to the offended to give it or not. (Ultimately better for them psychologically if they do. Garrison Keillor said it best, if you don't forgive, you stay trapped in the past. Still, easier said than done.) If you want to change the word count, there may be a contraction or two that could be made or undone?

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

I might go back and change it, but I think most have already seen the 911 word count.
Thanks

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Yeah, I just changed it to 906 words.

reply by kathleenspalding on 28-Jun-2017

Probably just as well. Hope it helps get more reviews!

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Ah, very good. At first it reminded me of one the parables, then it became clear that the parallel is one of salvation and Jed had to personally receive the King's pardon as each person needs to ask God's forgiveness to be saved. Well done!

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017

Thank you for reading and understanding.

Comment from Fridayauthor

Excellent

Fables are fun to write as you can make up your "world" and the people in it!

Your setting is interesting and so are your players. While I understood your king was immortal and out-lived generations, I was a bit surprised to find Sam still alive.

Good luck with this contest!

Thank you!

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017

Sam was elderly, 70ish. Jed was born one next generation later and rose to power in his twenties. Thanks for reading.

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

This is a delightful story and I like the moral. Most of humanity are like the character, Jed I think. Maybe that is why the world is in the state it is in. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017

Thanks for reading and understanding.

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

Children will enjoy this story with enough action to move the tale along.

Should make an interesting entry into this contest.

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017

Thank you, Brett.

Comment from emptypage

Excellent

Oh, this is a powerful story.

Unforgiveness. I've lived it. It was such a relief when I let that go, when I read MY letter from King Highness.

Good work here.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017

Thank you for reading and understanding this story.