Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Leading Beneath the Mines"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
33 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
I was delighted to see you had added another chapter to your story, and such a good on too. You build the tension well and leave both Archie and the reader breathless as we wonder what will happen next, and what will Archie have to do in a world he has never seen before. Sani come back ........
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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I was delighted to see you had added another chapter to your story, and such a good on too. You build the tension well and leave both Archie and the reader breathless as we wonder what will happen next, and what will Archie have to do in a world he has never seen before. Sani come back ........
Comment Written 01-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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Thank you for your wonderful, stellar, review. I do so appreciate it. Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you as I've been in the hospital. I'll get another one one asap.
Take care, and thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from mbroyles2
Sorry I'm so late in reviewing this chapter, but I didn't want to miss it.
Love Sani's advice to Archie and now he is truly on his own.
Great story so far and the adventure to Mine City is next.
Great tension and suspense.
Michael
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Sorry I'm so late in reviewing this chapter, but I didn't want to miss it.
Love Sani's advice to Archie and now he is truly on his own.
Great story so far and the adventure to Mine City is next.
Great tension and suspense.
Michael
Comment Written 30-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Michael! Good to hear from you. I've been out of it for a bit, but am healing up best I can now.
I so appreciate your comments. Sani really did have to step back at some point or the others would never be self-reliant. In the end, the teacher backs up to let the next generation through. Or they do like me and hang around and torment their students. lol
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from TheWriteTeach
I have to say I'm glad you're back. You were missed - seriously. Hope all is well for you.
I've had a feeling right along, that Sani was going to leave this bunch, at some point. You weave a great tale, Rhonda. This is captivating. If this were a whole book, I know I'd never put it down until I finished the last word on the last page. Even when there isn't any physical action taking place, you do an excellent job of keeping the story moving along with verbal action. Your dialogue is very real and believable. Each character has their own way of speaking, and you don't lose sight of that. Sometimes, as a story progresses, it will drag or slow down in places. This doesn't happen with this story. You keep things interesting. Even though there wasn't physical action taking place, that might harm the characters, I was still tense and on the edge of my seat with concern for the situation. Sani leaving the group, Archie now in charge of not only their little group, but the leader of the Resistance, and a pregnant girl, are things to wonder about. Is Archie ready to be in charge? Will Sani come to the rescue if the group gets backed in a corner, or did he go away to die or old age? And what of Archie and Ayala's interest in each other? Will there even be time for that with the forthcoming trouble and fighting? Lots of questions . . .
I found a few things, mostly comma issues.
"I'm not talking about magic, I'm talking about listening to the stone and see what it can tell you." (This is a comma spliced run-on sentence.)
At first[,] Archie was nervous and jittery, (need comma where indicated)
At first Archie was nervous and jittery, listening to internal debates about the journey through the tunnels, Ayala's fears, and Sani's recent call for Archie to talk about leadership. (This isn't grammatically correct. If you switched it around, just a little, it would work. Such as: 'Listening to internal debates about the journey through the tunnels, Ayala's fears, and Sani's recent call to talk about leadership, made Archie nervous and jittery.)
For now[,] it's a fortress that we've got to break into[,] and then back out of. (need commas where indicated)
"Are they all bad like Hokee and Mine City?" Ayala asked. (Aren't the girls asleep?)
"Don't be sure of anything, but prepared for anything. (For me, this reads awkward and has word repetition. Not sure if some words were left out, or I'm just not getting it.)
I know it will be a bit of a shock first, but we'll all adjust. (Your call here. You either need a comma between 'shock' and 'first' or add the word 'at' instead of the comma.)
I've never been to Mine City, and {no} nothing of its structure," (know)
It has an opening to the outside[,] on the East side. (comma where indicated)
{proproganda} to make them believe they would be hunted[,] and killed[,] by the Cougar leader of the city. (Two things. Need commas where indicated. Spelling error - should be 'propaganda.')
This is a fantastic book, Rhonda. Each chapter brings new issues that the little group must face and work through. This is excellent writing. Keep up the good work.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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I have to say I'm glad you're back. You were missed - seriously. Hope all is well for you.
I've had a feeling right along, that Sani was going to leave this bunch, at some point. You weave a great tale, Rhonda. This is captivating. If this were a whole book, I know I'd never put it down until I finished the last word on the last page. Even when there isn't any physical action taking place, you do an excellent job of keeping the story moving along with verbal action. Your dialogue is very real and believable. Each character has their own way of speaking, and you don't lose sight of that. Sometimes, as a story progresses, it will drag or slow down in places. This doesn't happen with this story. You keep things interesting. Even though there wasn't physical action taking place, that might harm the characters, I was still tense and on the edge of my seat with concern for the situation. Sani leaving the group, Archie now in charge of not only their little group, but the leader of the Resistance, and a pregnant girl, are things to wonder about. Is Archie ready to be in charge? Will Sani come to the rescue if the group gets backed in a corner, or did he go away to die or old age? And what of Archie and Ayala's interest in each other? Will there even be time for that with the forthcoming trouble and fighting? Lots of questions . . .
I found a few things, mostly comma issues.
"I'm not talking about magic, I'm talking about listening to the stone and see what it can tell you." (This is a comma spliced run-on sentence.)
At first[,] Archie was nervous and jittery, (need comma where indicated)
At first Archie was nervous and jittery, listening to internal debates about the journey through the tunnels, Ayala's fears, and Sani's recent call for Archie to talk about leadership. (This isn't grammatically correct. If you switched it around, just a little, it would work. Such as: 'Listening to internal debates about the journey through the tunnels, Ayala's fears, and Sani's recent call to talk about leadership, made Archie nervous and jittery.)
For now[,] it's a fortress that we've got to break into[,] and then back out of. (need commas where indicated)
"Are they all bad like Hokee and Mine City?" Ayala asked. (Aren't the girls asleep?)
"Don't be sure of anything, but prepared for anything. (For me, this reads awkward and has word repetition. Not sure if some words were left out, or I'm just not getting it.)
I know it will be a bit of a shock first, but we'll all adjust. (Your call here. You either need a comma between 'shock' and 'first' or add the word 'at' instead of the comma.)
I've never been to Mine City, and {no} nothing of its structure," (know)
It has an opening to the outside[,] on the East side. (comma where indicated)
{proproganda} to make them believe they would be hunted[,] and killed[,] by the Cougar leader of the city. (Two things. Need commas where indicated. Spelling error - should be 'propaganda.')
This is a fantastic book, Rhonda. Each chapter brings new issues that the little group must face and work through. This is excellent writing. Keep up the good work.
Suzanne
Comment Written 29-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Suzanne. Your review was so uplifting. I think this site has helped me keep the story moving rather than stalling out, because if it does, I hear about it. That's one of the challenges of a novelist. You don't know how the book is going to go over until you've written 100,000 + words and it's published.
Your insight and overview in invaluable! Thank you. I'll go back and fix the mistakes later as I'm terribly behind on responding to reviews, and reviewing. I ended up back in the hospital again (4th trip), but feel that I am healing up well now, so I'll get caught up as soon as I can.
Thanks again, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, I'm late reviewing this but I wanted to put in my two cents. First of all it's so good to see you back writing. I'm catching up with the story again. It's great, well written, and great imagery and dialogue. I'm looking forward to reading on. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Hi Rhonda, I'm late reviewing this but I wanted to put in my two cents. First of all it's so good to see you back writing. I'm catching up with the story again. It's great, well written, and great imagery and dialogue. I'm looking forward to reading on. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Ulla! I'm still very behind, especially since I'm back in the hospital again. Hopefully this is the last trip. At least I'm feeling like being back on the site. I've learned a lot about willpower vs the body needing time. Time won.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
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Rhonda, I'm so sorry to hear you're back in hospital. The truth is the body does need time to heal and become strong again. I hope it's not for long you're in there. You take care of yourself and your body. It's the only one you've got. Be well soon. A big hug. :)))
Comment from kiwigirl2821
I think the information you provided at the end of this chapter was helpful. Your character development is excellent. You allow the reader to participate with the story by making it real. Well written. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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I think the information you provided at the end of this chapter was helpful. Your character development is excellent. You allow the reader to participate with the story by making it real. Well written. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 29-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Kiwi!!
I appreciate the time and care you took on your review. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back, but I've been in the hospital.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from MelB
Hi Rhonda, so good to see you back writing and another wonderful chapter to this great story! I look forward to seeing where you take it next. Hope you are healing and getting stronger every day!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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Hi Rhonda, so good to see you back writing and another wonderful chapter to this great story! I look forward to seeing where you take it next. Hope you are healing and getting stronger every day!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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Thank you, my friend. I appreciate the review, and the comments. I ended up back in the hospital for another week, but am currently out and living life one day at a time. Thanks so much for your friendship,
Rhonda
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a very good continuation.
"But how will they know I'm their leader?"
"If you have to ask that question, you're not really a leader.
This is excellent writing. You threw a gem in your story.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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This is a very good continuation.
"But how will they know I'm their leader?"
"If you have to ask that question, you're not really a leader.
This is excellent writing. You threw a gem in your story.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the wonderful review!! Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you, but I was shunted off to another hospital stay. You would think I would be bored enough there to write, but there are so many interruptions, then they medicate you, and well...
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. I wondered when you would continue this story. I have been watching for more and am glad to read this. It is interesting and creative. It has held my attention from start to now.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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Excellent. I wondered when you would continue this story. I have been watching for more and am glad to read this. It is interesting and creative. It has held my attention from start to now.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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I so appreciate your loyalty on the stories I write. I'll get another chapter out as soon as I can, but I was put back in the hospital for a week, and I just can't seem to get the creative juices flowing there. With all the downtime I have, you would think it would be a wonderful time to write... and it is... but the venue is terrible! lol
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from c_lucas
When it comes to leadership; "Many are called, but few are chosen." This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2017
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When it comes to leadership; "Many are called, but few are chosen." This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Charlie! I'm so sorry this reply has taken so long. It's not for lack of care, but I went back in to the hospital a fourth time, and I just have no creative juices when I'm there.
Take care,
Rhonda
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No need to apologize, Rhonda.
Comment from Mustang Patty
This work continues to keep me interested. Your writing is clear, concise and with an economy of words, you manage to get your salient points across. I look forward to reading more,
~patty~
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2017
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This work continues to keep me interested. Your writing is clear, concise and with an economy of words, you manage to get your salient points across. I look forward to reading more,
~patty~
Comment Written 28-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Patty. I so appreciate your time, attention and loyalty. I ended up back in the hospital again, and, while I have plenty of time on my hands, I don't have an creativity. So, I'm currently home....
Take care,
Rhonda
