The Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Letter - Part Four"...a family saga
42 total reviews
Comment from kathleenspalding
Excellent chapter! You ended at just the right spot. Going long is fine, as it is all nice and juicy. ;-D
(Delete She knew?) Getting through...then maybe ...but (maybe play with this last bit but knowing she wouldn't have to deal with these toxic people ever again gave her strength/cheer/something like that?) If left like it is - interaction instead of interactions.
...Kathy's hand (as the guests approached).
As she had sat...(she'd sworn)...never (speak - to avoid repeating interaction?) to them again.
They were poison to her (delete system? Maybe delete sentence as it is redundant?)
...hall quickly(comma) and soon(delete comma)...
Beauty/beautiful is in this paragraph 3 times, maybe change 2 of them. Fantastic last sentence!
"Jane, I simply feel - maybe delete this sentence? It's way too cool in this hot moment - Could just go to - I'm not the villain here(, Jane.)...maybe...I wouldn't act crazy at all if it weren't for you and your daughters' viciousness! ?
(Delete Reflecting on...) Kathy sighed. It was...
...felt the (tension instead of hate, to avoid repetition below?)
...she knew she (might instead of may?) come out...
OOOoooo! Bet I know who the veiled lady is!
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Excellent chapter! You ended at just the right spot. Going long is fine, as it is all nice and juicy. ;-D
(Delete She knew?) Getting through...then maybe ...but (maybe play with this last bit but knowing she wouldn't have to deal with these toxic people ever again gave her strength/cheer/something like that?) If left like it is - interaction instead of interactions.
...Kathy's hand (as the guests approached).
As she had sat...(she'd sworn)...never (speak - to avoid repeating interaction?) to them again.
They were poison to her (delete system? Maybe delete sentence as it is redundant?)
...hall quickly(comma) and soon(delete comma)...
Beauty/beautiful is in this paragraph 3 times, maybe change 2 of them. Fantastic last sentence!
"Jane, I simply feel - maybe delete this sentence? It's way too cool in this hot moment - Could just go to - I'm not the villain here(, Jane.)...maybe...I wouldn't act crazy at all if it weren't for you and your daughters' viciousness! ?
(Delete Reflecting on...) Kathy sighed. It was...
...felt the (tension instead of hate, to avoid repetition below?)
...she knew she (might instead of may?) come out...
OOOoooo! Bet I know who the veiled lady is!
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Hi Kathleen; thank you so much for reading along with the saga. I think you will love Part Five.
thank you for your suggestions; I will try to massage them in when I do the next phase of this piece - I will be turning it into a much longer write for a novel.
~patty~
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How exciting! You certainly have lots of novel material here!
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Good back story when Kathy was remembering back to her last conversation with Jane. Just one thing, sometimes I found it hard to know whether it was Jane or Kathy talking.
I like the sisters reasoning - no one can be that happy after being married for almost twenty years - made me smile. Great chapter, and a great tease in the end with the black clad woman in a wheelchair. Jane I'm thinking?
great read, cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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Good back story when Kathy was remembering back to her last conversation with Jane. Just one thing, sometimes I found it hard to know whether it was Jane or Kathy talking.
I like the sisters reasoning - no one can be that happy after being married for almost twenty years - made me smile. Great chapter, and a great tease in the end with the black clad woman in a wheelchair. Jane I'm thinking?
great read, cheers,
valda
Comment Written 18-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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Hi Valda; I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. The next part and conclusion was posted this morning. If you get a chance to read it, I would love to hear what you think,
~patty~
Comment from pbomar1115
These women are filled with venom toward each other. It is a wonder that no food fight or destruction of property hasn't happened. When that many people comes together like that and nothing has happened, it means that there is a lot of love to coddled and caressed. Someone needs a hug, badly.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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These women are filled with venom toward each other. It is a wonder that no food fight or destruction of property hasn't happened. When that many people comes together like that and nothing has happened, it means that there is a lot of love to coddled and caressed. Someone needs a hug, badly.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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LOL! Yes, someone needs a hug and I think Caressa needs a Snickers bar! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story and I greatly appreciate your words of encouragement and support during the duration of the saga.
The big shiny six stars make my day,
~patty~
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You're welcome.
Phillip
Comment from Marvin Calloway
New goings on. The party they can't miss but wish they were somewhere else. New hatred, accusations, misunderstandings which is somewhat common to large families, but this one is more severe than the average. Some of the players will never forget, let alone forgive.
Well done.
Marv
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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New goings on. The party they can't miss but wish they were somewhere else. New hatred, accusations, misunderstandings which is somewhat common to large families, but this one is more severe than the average. Some of the players will never forget, let alone forgive.
Well done.
Marv
Comment Written 18-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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Hi Marv; thank you so much for following along with the saga. I'm glad you enjoyed the writing. Your continuing support means a great deal to me,
~patty~
Comment from smerryman3
The stage is set for the final showdown and the suspense is killing me. You do a great job of building toward the climax and droping hints of the background history of the characters. I was shocked to find out that the family's actions led Kathy to a mental hospital. Great character developement!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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The stage is set for the final showdown and the suspense is killing me. You do a great job of building toward the climax and droping hints of the background history of the characters. I was shocked to find out that the family's actions led Kathy to a mental hospital. Great character developement!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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What a lovely review. I'm glad I was able to build the characters and give you a glimpse into the past. I see you have already read the ending, and I hope the story was complete for you,
~patty~
Comment from apky
The following made me fall in love with the character of Kathy for ever:
"You know, for a mental health professional, you are certainly full of misinformation. Yes, I still take medication, but I'm stable. I'd venture to say I handle life a lot better than you. I'm not bitter and full of doubt about my self-worth. I'm truly happy."
I can't stop rooting for Kathy - strong, honest, kind, supportive, forgiving.
Well done.
Aki
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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The following made me fall in love with the character of Kathy for ever:
"You know, for a mental health professional, you are certainly full of misinformation. Yes, I still take medication, but I'm stable. I'd venture to say I handle life a lot better than you. I'm not bitter and full of doubt about my self-worth. I'm truly happy."
I can't stop rooting for Kathy - strong, honest, kind, supportive, forgiving.
Well done.
Aki
Comment Written 18-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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Hi Aki; I'm truly delighted you are rooting for Kathy. I wanted to make her an incredibly strong woman and have the ability to stand up to all of them.
Thank you for reading along,
~patty~
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Patty
You've created quite a cast of characters.. The mind games, the conflict, the hurt feelings were all spot on. The battle between Jane and her mother is for lack of a better word, 'epic'. Enjoyed.
Take care and stay safe
Ray
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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Good morning, Patty
You've created quite a cast of characters.. The mind games, the conflict, the hurt feelings were all spot on. The battle between Jane and her mother is for lack of a better word, 'epic'. Enjoyed.
Take care and stay safe
Ray
Comment Written 18-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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Hi Ray; thank you so much for the EXCEPTIONAL rating of this part of the story. I just finished the conclusion and I will be posting it in a few minutes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story and found the battle to be 'epic.'
~patty~
Comment from mbroyles2
A surprise is coming indeed. I think I know what it is, but the suspense is killing me. Kathy has been so nice to everyone and she regrets how she treated Jane the last time they saw each other. I don't think the reunion has been a success., but for Jane it might have served it's purpose.
We shall see.
Excellent writing!
Michael
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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A surprise is coming indeed. I think I know what it is, but the suspense is killing me. Kathy has been so nice to everyone and she regrets how she treated Jane the last time they saw each other. I don't think the reunion has been a success., but for Jane it might have served it's purpose.
We shall see.
Excellent writing!
Michael
Comment Written 17-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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Hi Michael; thank you so much for this great review. I'm glad you've enjoyed the saga so far, and I'm happy to tell you that the conclusion was posted this morning. I hope you enjoy it,
~patty~
Comment from Leena
It was pretty interesting and entertaining; the conversations, mockery and most of all Kathy holding ground with such grace and wit while dealing with the extended family. Now totally intrigued to know who was on the wheel chair. Waiting...
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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It was pretty interesting and entertaining; the conversations, mockery and most of all Kathy holding ground with such grace and wit while dealing with the extended family. Now totally intrigued to know who was on the wheel chair. Waiting...
Comment Written 17-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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Hi Leena; thank you so much for the excellent review. I'm so glad you've been enjoying the story so far, and I'm happy to tell you that I just posted the conclusion. I hope you are pleased with the ending,
~patty~
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I just read it dear and I really liked it. But I was truly hoping the story continued further with more twists and turns :) Loved reading it and wanted to read more...
Comment from Cindy Warren
What on Earth is Jane up to? Surely she must know this family doesn't want to be reconciled. Kathy certainly isn't going to be happy to see her. If she's come to her senses, she would know Kathy had no choice but to get away from her. I can't wait to see what's coming.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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What on Earth is Jane up to? Surely she must know this family doesn't want to be reconciled. Kathy certainly isn't going to be happy to see her. If she's come to her senses, she would know Kathy had no choice but to get away from her. I can't wait to see what's coming.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2017
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Hi Cindy; I think you will be surprised at the turn of events in the conclusion of the story. I hope you enjoy it; thank you so much for following the saga. Your support has been very encouraging,
~patty~
