Scripts
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Apology to the Earth"Scripts
16 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
WOW, dear Mikley, this is outstanding,. So eloquent. Touching,. Reminds me of Kahlil Gibran in the voicing. I enjoyed it immensely. Impressed!
Giving a six, even though I did note some nits.
NOTES
He soon comes upon an idyllic scene, a waterfall, a variety of plant life and even a smattering of animals. It appears almost as though all await him and what he must say.
Slightly spaggy. Suggest:
He soon comes upon an idyllic scene--a waterfall, a variety of plant life and even a smattering of animals. It appears almost as though all await him, and he knows what he must say.
Love this voicing: There is joy in the reckless abandon of the plunge over the cliff and the roar is of laughter, fearless and thrilled for the sudden rush of the ride.
*Each drop(,) with its own point of origin and story, now part of a great clarity that reflects all around it.
Nor were we good gardeners(,) having been bestowed a garden like this that covered the Earth.
POTENT: These colours that taxed our brains for the naming. But we chose grey.
OUTSTANDING:
Now, in this slice of paradise where I once dreamed of a joyous sermon, I can only offer a pathetic apology.
* I can pledge(,) as the last of them, what has been done will be done no more.
Love the tone and tenor of this. Love the imagery. Love the message.
Love,
rd
  |
WOW, dear Mikley, this is outstanding,. So eloquent. Touching,. Reminds me of Kahlil Gibran in the voicing. I enjoyed it immensely. Impressed!
Giving a six, even though I did note some nits.
NOTES
He soon comes upon an idyllic scene, a waterfall, a variety of plant life and even a smattering of animals. It appears almost as though all await him and what he must say.
Slightly spaggy. Suggest:
He soon comes upon an idyllic scene--a waterfall, a variety of plant life and even a smattering of animals. It appears almost as though all await him, and he knows what he must say.
Love this voicing: There is joy in the reckless abandon of the plunge over the cliff and the roar is of laughter, fearless and thrilled for the sudden rush of the ride.
*Each drop(,) with its own point of origin and story, now part of a great clarity that reflects all around it.
Nor were we good gardeners(,) having been bestowed a garden like this that covered the Earth.
POTENT: These colours that taxed our brains for the naming. But we chose grey.
OUTSTANDING:
Now, in this slice of paradise where I once dreamed of a joyous sermon, I can only offer a pathetic apology.
* I can pledge(,) as the last of them, what has been done will be done no more.
Love the tone and tenor of this. Love the imagery. Love the message.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
Comment from Pantygynt
You obviously felt so spiritual that your mind went off on a flight of fancy, the concept of the earth as the place that makes you feel spiritual is a lovely idea, and you have got round the enormity of the task by having this Zachary, appropriately with a name started from the end of the alphabet - the other end from Adam that is.
Even before I had finished reading there was a hammering in my prain that was saying "prose poem" over and over because that was how it was reading to me.
 |
You obviously felt so spiritual that your mind went off on a flight of fancy, the concept of the earth as the place that makes you feel spiritual is a lovely idea, and you have got round the enormity of the task by having this Zachary, appropriately with a name started from the end of the alphabet - the other end from Adam that is.
Even before I had finished reading there was a hammering in my prain that was saying "prose poem" over and over because that was how it was reading to me.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
Comment from apky
"See, they are close at hand. It is all connected and you are part of it. Nothing is far away. It is all part of you for you are part of it." ~ this is wonderful. If only we would all think like this and believe it!
As you write, a sad tale indeed.
|
"See, they are close at hand. It is all connected and you are part of it. Nothing is far away. It is all part of you for you are part of it." ~ this is wonderful. If only we would all think like this and believe it!
As you write, a sad tale indeed.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written descriptive story where the character is at the waterfall to find some kind of peace of mind in nature. We feel closer to God when we are in nature.
|
A very well-written descriptive story where the character is at the waterfall to find some kind of peace of mind in nature. We feel closer to God when we are in nature.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I see the water tumble much as faith flows from the heart. - love that line mikey. You really do paint a beautiful picture of what the earth was and a sad picture of what we've done to it. Very deep and an emotional read. Very nice,
cheers,
valda
|
I see the water tumble much as faith flows from the heart. - love that line mikey. You really do paint a beautiful picture of what the earth was and a sad picture of what we've done to it. Very deep and an emotional read. Very nice,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
is outstanding work, way over what I expected this prompt to lead to. Wev certainly have been poor shepards of the earth and I'm afraid it is far to late to turn back now. Exceptional work, my friend. Glad you're still with the potlatch group~Debbie
|
is outstanding work, way over what I expected this prompt to lead to. Wev certainly have been poor shepards of the earth and I'm afraid it is far to late to turn back now. Exceptional work, my friend. Glad you're still with the potlatch group~Debbie
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Mikey,
This is a wonderful descriptive piece you've written for Prose Potlatch. The language is enchanting and filled with imagery. How small the world is today, we've both used the word clarity in our writing, and I can't remember when the last time was I used that word. Great minds think alike? lol
Thanks for sharing!
Kim
|
Hi Mikey,
This is a wonderful descriptive piece you've written for Prose Potlatch. The language is enchanting and filled with imagery. How small the world is today, we've both used the word clarity in our writing, and I can't remember when the last time was I used that word. Great minds think alike? lol
Thanks for sharing!
Kim
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
Comment from frierajac
I especially like the ending. You write great endings. If you wanted to extend the metaphor of the cosmic and prismatic you could see a vision in the dawn. Just a thought. A nice read.
|
I especially like the ending. You write great endings. If you wanted to extend the metaphor of the cosmic and prismatic you could see a vision in the dawn. Just a thought. A nice read.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Your potlatch writings about religion are interesting. We share the same beliefs. I am not religious perse, I am spiritual. Good job!
"Religion is politics for the poor." --steve martin
|
Your potlatch writings about religion are interesting. We share the same beliefs. I am not religious perse, I am spiritual. Good job!
"Religion is politics for the poor." --steve martin
Comment Written 02-Apr-2017
Comment from Sasha
This is superb. You did a terrific job summing up the damage we have done and the sadness we all should feel not doing more to stop it. I felt the power of your words and realizing this may be true one day is heartbreaking. So many ignore the signs and continue living as though tomorrow will never come. Excellent work with this challenge. You definitely touched a note with me with this one.
|
This is superb. You did a terrific job summing up the damage we have done and the sadness we all should feel not doing more to stop it. I felt the power of your words and realizing this may be true one day is heartbreaking. So many ignore the signs and continue living as though tomorrow will never come. Excellent work with this challenge. You definitely touched a note with me with this one.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2017
