Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Chapter Sechs part vier"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
31 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
The evenings would be quite cool. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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The evenings would be quite cool. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. They would not be cool in late June.
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Where I'm at (5,000) feet. It would be cool.
Comment from light
The dialogue is good, and you have thrown in some interesting facts about New York. Great scene with the two of them overlooking the city and admiring the stars. The story is moving along at a good rate.
Elaine
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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The dialogue is good, and you have thrown in some interesting facts about New York. Great scene with the two of them overlooking the city and admiring the stars. The story is moving along at a good rate.
Elaine
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Lu Saluna
Thank you for the character list. There are so many, especially with 3 dogs.
I enjoyed the chapter. The character development is coming along. Shana is becoming quite comfortable with Anderson his staff. Really enjoyed her interaction with the dog, covering his ears and confessing to having a cat. This portion of the conversation was quite endearing.
There were a couple of awkward sentences and SPAG. The following are suggestions. Up to you to do with as you please.
Thank you for sharing another fine chapter.
Comma is in the wrong location, should be after "edge"
Shana stood at the patio's waist-high stone edge(,) and stared at the skyline.
Should "in" be "on"?
Anderson walked over and placed his hands (on) the edge.
This sounds a little awkward, not really the way a person would speak.
"He does tend to grow on people. I think it's his sweet, yet protective personality."
Try this:
"He tends to grow on people. I think it's his sweet, protective personality."
Period needs to be a comma
A traitor in our midst(,)" teased Anderson ...
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the character list. There are so many, especially with 3 dogs.
I enjoyed the chapter. The character development is coming along. Shana is becoming quite comfortable with Anderson his staff. Really enjoyed her interaction with the dog, covering his ears and confessing to having a cat. This portion of the conversation was quite endearing.
There were a couple of awkward sentences and SPAG. The following are suggestions. Up to you to do with as you please.
Thank you for sharing another fine chapter.
Comma is in the wrong location, should be after "edge"
Shana stood at the patio's waist-high stone edge(,) and stared at the skyline.
Should "in" be "on"?
Anderson walked over and placed his hands (on) the edge.
This sounds a little awkward, not really the way a person would speak.
"He does tend to grow on people. I think it's his sweet, yet protective personality."
Try this:
"He tends to grow on people. I think it's his sweet, protective personality."
Period needs to be a comma
A traitor in our midst(,)" teased Anderson ...
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I have made all the suggested changed. A few of them I was shocked I had made such amateurish mistakes.
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Please don't be. We all do it. It does not take away from the fact you are writing a very good book.
I am not one of the people who will delete a bunch of stars for a few grammar mistakes. You are an excellent writer and writing an excellent story. Have a wonderful weekend :-))
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Wow! You have a lot of characters. How do you keep track of them all? I read an author who had so many characters that even she couldn't keep them straight. She started calling people the wrong names.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Wow! You have a lot of characters. How do you keep track of them all? I read an author who had so many characters that even she couldn't keep them straight. She started calling people the wrong names.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. A few of them don't show up very often.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Can Jeremy help with getting the painting back? Guess we'll find out soon. Shana seems to be getting close to Anderson, but that's not surprising. I'd grab the guy myself if I could! :)
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Can Jeremy help with getting the painting back? Guess we'll find out soon. Shana seems to be getting close to Anderson, but that's not surprising. I'd grab the guy myself if I could! :)
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. We will have to wait and see.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Nice interaction between characters. I love the scene with the dogs. It seemed natural and relaxed. Cute about the cat, and Shana covering Romeo's ears.
Nice mystery at supper with the introduction of a call maybe Shana wasn't really supposed to hear about.
Great job,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Nice interaction between characters. I love the scene with the dogs. It seemed natural and relaxed. Cute about the cat, and Shana covering Romeo's ears.
Nice mystery at supper with the introduction of a call maybe Shana wasn't really supposed to hear about.
Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from ciliverde
You're keeping things rolling around with the story. I just have one suggestion, in this line...
"I see you've made friends with Romeo," said Jane. "He does tend to grow on people. I think it's his sweet, yet protective personality."
To me the last sentence is kind of awkward, not a natural way of speaking. What about "I think it's because he's so sweet, as well as protective."
I'm interested to see what comes of their discussion about Jeremy. He's an undercover cop, so yes, I'd say he has something to do with Shana.
Carol
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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You're keeping things rolling around with the story. I just have one suggestion, in this line...
"I see you've made friends with Romeo," said Jane. "He does tend to grow on people. I think it's his sweet, yet protective personality."
To me the last sentence is kind of awkward, not a natural way of speaking. What about "I think it's because he's so sweet, as well as protective."
I'm interested to see what comes of their discussion about Jeremy. He's an undercover cop, so yes, I'd say he has something to do with Shana.
Carol
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I agree and made the change.
Comment from Arkine
The story flowed well, characters and dialogue were well done. I'd be seriously worried about my dogs out on an open air patio, but mine aren't as well behaved. LOL Anyhow, great chapter! :)
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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The story flowed well, characters and dialogue were well done. I'd be seriously worried about my dogs out on an open air patio, but mine aren't as well behaved. LOL Anyhow, great chapter! :)
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. My dachshund would jump off at a leaf blowing. LOL
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hmmm, I wonder what Jeremy will bring to the table. Are things going to continue to heat up between Andersen and Shana? Helen is a nice touch - I like that she wouldn't just bring him any old leftovers. I'm enjoying this story line and look forward to reading more,
~patty~
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Hmmm, I wonder what Jeremy will bring to the table. Are things going to continue to heat up between Andersen and Shana? Helen is a nice touch - I like that she wouldn't just bring him any old leftovers. I'm enjoying this story line and look forward to reading more,
~patty~
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
I can see the two on the terrace eating and gazing out across the way. Well done as usual. Need your opinion. I am thinking toward converting the novel leaving out the Negro dialect replacing it will today's English. My thoughts are why create a stumbling block when both cultures understand either way. Your opinion is appreciated.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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I can see the two on the terrace eating and gazing out across the way. Well done as usual. Need your opinion. I am thinking toward converting the novel leaving out the Negro dialect replacing it will today's English. My thoughts are why create a stumbling block when both cultures understand either way. Your opinion is appreciated.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I have just posted a possible pitch for Savannah, please edit it for me.
