Atomic Renga
Collaborative Linked Tanka Poetry Writing57 total reviews
Comment from Asem.inspirations
I am speechless. This is such a caring and thoughtful poem. I would've never thought to write about this but you did it so perfectly. It is a shame that I have limited myself to my own pain when there is so much pain everywhere else to write about. But as I said, I am just beginning to write again so it had to start with the pain, my "Woe Is Me, Poetry!"
You must write all the time. I wish to have the time to commit to my writing. I must start with a writing class. Thank you for the education in the Author notes. This poem is excellent.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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I am speechless. This is such a caring and thoughtful poem. I would've never thought to write about this but you did it so perfectly. It is a shame that I have limited myself to my own pain when there is so much pain everywhere else to write about. But as I said, I am just beginning to write again so it had to start with the pain, my "Woe Is Me, Poetry!"
You must write all the time. I wish to have the time to commit to my writing. I must start with a writing class. Thank you for the education in the Author notes. This poem is excellent.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Tier, for your review of Dean's and my collaborative Atomic Tanka. Dean proposed the subject for our class assignment and I agreed. Yes, there is a lot of pain in the world to write about, but also a lot of joy which we must not forget. Thank you for your review and I look forward to seeing you expand beyond "Woe Is Me, Poetry!"
Comment from Ella25
It is a beautiful poem. Very well-written and enjoyable to read. What had happened with the atomic bomb that landed on Hiroshima is hard to take as many innocent people lost their lives or terribly suffered in pain. The flow of the poem is smooth, and it is easy to understand. The comments are provoking and insightful. The image speaks on its own. Excellent co-work. Blessings to both, Ella
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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It is a beautiful poem. Very well-written and enjoyable to read. What had happened with the atomic bomb that landed on Hiroshima is hard to take as many innocent people lost their lives or terribly suffered in pain. The flow of the poem is smooth, and it is easy to understand. The comments are provoking and insightful. The image speaks on its own. Excellent co-work. Blessings to both, Ella
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Ella, for your generous, six star review of Dean's and my "provoking and insightful" poem. We appreciate it. Blessing to you, too.
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You are welcome, Andre. It is a beautiful piece. Sorry for the late respond. I have been away from this site for few days. Other things keep me busy. With love, Ella
Comment from DonandVicki
I enjoyed reading your well constructed poem and I also enjoyed reading your authors notes. very original and complex. Don and Vicki
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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I enjoyed reading your well constructed poem and I also enjoyed reading your authors notes. very original and complex. Don and Vicki
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Don and Vicki, for your review of Dean's and my renga. We are glad you enjoyed reading this "very original and complex" poem.
Comment from Oatmeal
Sis Cat,
This is a beautiful poem. I liked it very much. It made for an enjoyable read. The flow was smooth. The theme well thought out. Understandable and thought provoking but especially insightful comments.
I only spotted one small error, nothing to get too upset about-
(Manmade) sun
*Man-made
Everything else was clean. Comprehensible and very nicely written.
You wrote this one very well.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Sis Cat,
This is a beautiful poem. I liked it very much. It made for an enjoyable read. The flow was smooth. The theme well thought out. Understandable and thought provoking but especially insightful comments.
I only spotted one small error, nothing to get too upset about-
(Manmade) sun
*Man-made
Everything else was clean. Comprehensible and very nicely written.
You wrote this one very well.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Oatmeal, and for your catch on the word "man-made." Dean and I are quite impressed how our renga turned out "Understandable and thought provoking but especially insightful." Thanks again.
Comment from TPAC
I do like the structuring presented in this write, a quick cut of a grin as one read, compiling its state to its compelling end. Nice. A real grabber with its views and inspiring in its account.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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I do like the structuring presented in this write, a quick cut of a grin as one read, compiling its state to its compelling end. Nice. A real grabber with its views and inspiring in its account.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, TPAC, for your review of Dean's and my renga, a traditional form of Japanese poetry in which two people take turn writing sections. We are glad you found this to be "a real grabber and inspiring."
Comment from Badger_29
An outstanding commentary on a moment in history which shall never be forgotten. This is written with class and style, and you have managed to weave a lot of terms and symbolism into a vastly enjoyable, albeit; shocking read. Fills the reader with wonder and horror, a feeling of urgency and exasperation. As I read it, I remembered a film that I saw thirty-six years ago in school that showed a man running with an expression of sheer terror on his face, and his back was burning.
Very well written, my friend
Blessings,
Brother Badger
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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An outstanding commentary on a moment in history which shall never be forgotten. This is written with class and style, and you have managed to weave a lot of terms and symbolism into a vastly enjoyable, albeit; shocking read. Fills the reader with wonder and horror, a feeling of urgency and exasperation. As I read it, I remembered a film that I saw thirty-six years ago in school that showed a man running with an expression of sheer terror on his face, and his back was burning.
Very well written, my friend
Blessings,
Brother Badger
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Brother Badger, for your review of Dean's and my collaborative poem which "Fills the reader with wonder and horror, a feeling of urgency and exasperation."
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Loved it ~
Comment from ronnie k
A wonderful use of horror to introduce a blessed event "THE BOMB" nothing good can are could be seen of war except the birth of her child. Thanks for sharing a little piece of THE BOMB
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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A wonderful use of horror to introduce a blessed event "THE BOMB" nothing good can are could be seen of war except the birth of her child. Thanks for sharing a little piece of THE BOMB
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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You're welcome, Ronnie, neither Dean, I, nor anyone else is proud of this child, but thank you for your review of our little piece.
Comment from crybry67
Although a painful subject, I think your and Dean's words did it justice. Horrible atrocity, with devastating effects. Excellent renga, and haunting presentation. Blessings.. Christy
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Although a painful subject, I think your and Dean's words did it justice. Horrible atrocity, with devastating effects. Excellent renga, and haunting presentation. Blessings.. Christy
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Christy, for your generous, six star review of our renga.The subject is haunting and painful.
Comment from Rlegel99
Poem about atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima. This poem flows well even though written collaboratively or maybe because of it. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Poem about atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima. This poem flows well even though written collaboratively or maybe because of it. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Rlegel99, for your review. The collaborative nature of this poem improved it because as talented as Dean and I are separately we could not have written on our own a style of poem meant to be written by two people. Thanks again.
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello Sis Cat, Terrific writing. Poignant. The depth of your poem is enhanced by your author's notes. A wonderful collaboration of efforts. Of special note:
Kimono's pattern
branded into my skin--
forever wardrobe.
Colorful weaves emblazoned
on my heart, body, and soul.
(All your verses are gripping, but this one spoke to me the most.)
A story in a poem that needs to be told and heard so that the world may learn. For the second time today, I write:
My FS bio says that I like anything that is based on "the hills and valleys of life." I would say that your poem fits into that category.
Just sharing my afterthoughts:
And so ...
A fireball bursts
and a moment
is frozen in time
~ forevermore ~ LB
A poem written in dramatic essence. I think both ancient Japanese and Chinese poets would approve wholeheartedly.
Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Hello Sis Cat, Terrific writing. Poignant. The depth of your poem is enhanced by your author's notes. A wonderful collaboration of efforts. Of special note:
Kimono's pattern
branded into my skin--
forever wardrobe.
Colorful weaves emblazoned
on my heart, body, and soul.
(All your verses are gripping, but this one spoke to me the most.)
A story in a poem that needs to be told and heard so that the world may learn. For the second time today, I write:
My FS bio says that I like anything that is based on "the hills and valleys of life." I would say that your poem fits into that category.
Just sharing my afterthoughts:
And so ...
A fireball bursts
and a moment
is frozen in time
~ forevermore ~ LB
A poem written in dramatic essence. I think both ancient Japanese and Chinese poets would approve wholeheartedly.
Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you, LB, for your generous, six star review of Dean's and my renga "written in dramatic essence." As we were writing this, he was telling me about how the patterns of people's kimonos were burned into their skin. I Googled and found pictures which I was going to use. I wrote the upper three lines of the tanka that spoke to you the most while Dean wrote the last two. Thanks again.
We will keep the blue waters flowing.
