Noise Complaint
a short tale of horror - 822 words - contest entry4 total reviews
Comment from crybry67
Those noisy dogs sure will drive you to the edge of madness, huh? I thought this was well written, and flowed smoothly. Your first line was very descriptive, grabbing my attention, which your story held.
Blessings... Christy
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Those noisy dogs sure will drive you to the edge of madness, huh? I thought this was well written, and flowed smoothly. Your first line was very descriptive, grabbing my attention, which your story held.
Blessings... Christy
Comment Written 06-Feb-2017
Comment from Mary Wakeford
OMG, I was not expecting this ending. Your descriptions, paranoia on the part of the woman throughout the build-up had this reader sure it was a lover of an ex-friend...but a noisy German Shepherd from Hell?
My only suggestion would be too not capitalize Nosy Parker, as it's a description, and reads like aname of an actual person...
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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OMG, I was not expecting this ending. Your descriptions, paranoia on the part of the woman throughout the build-up had this reader sure it was a lover of an ex-friend...but a noisy German Shepherd from Hell?
My only suggestion would be too not capitalize Nosy Parker, as it's a description, and reads like aname of an actual person...
Comment Written 06-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Oh wow! Thanks so much, Mary - I'm really thrilled you liked it. I actually wasn't going to capitalize nosey parker, but I guess my spellcheck is wrong on this one (and so many here say that these things should be capitalized, I am completely confused now)...
But gosh, thanks so much for the great comments, and of course that extra star - much appreciated!
Comment from Thal1959
Very well written, Dawn. Everything works fine, even the potential flaws. One would presume that a dog wrapped up in a hefty bad and packed in the trunk would have suffocated if it were still alive. One might think that once the bag began to wriggle, she would have tried to finish the dog off by pummeling it with the shovel before it emerged. But it is well within the realm of possibility that the bag was not sealed airtight, and that a woman who would poison a dog, rather than shoot it, might not have the brutal nature in her to physically bludgeon the animal with the shovel.
As long as any questions can be answered reasonably, the storyline works; and your does.
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Very well written, Dawn. Everything works fine, even the potential flaws. One would presume that a dog wrapped up in a hefty bad and packed in the trunk would have suffocated if it were still alive. One might think that once the bag began to wriggle, she would have tried to finish the dog off by pummeling it with the shovel before it emerged. But it is well within the realm of possibility that the bag was not sealed airtight, and that a woman who would poison a dog, rather than shoot it, might not have the brutal nature in her to physically bludgeon the animal with the shovel.
As long as any questions can be answered reasonably, the storyline works; and your does.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Dawn,
Nice write for the competition. Excellent tension and twist at the end.
further down the gravel road - I think it's farther for physical distance.
She fought--pounding her fists into the dog's face, gripping and tugging its ears, its fur, trying to pry it loose from her throat. - was she not holding the flashlight? makes a good weapon, or gag.
Best of luck
G
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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Hi Dawn,
Nice write for the competition. Excellent tension and twist at the end.
further down the gravel road - I think it's farther for physical distance.
She fought--pounding her fists into the dog's face, gripping and tugging its ears, its fur, trying to pry it loose from her throat. - was she not holding the flashlight? makes a good weapon, or gag.
Best of luck
G
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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Oh, GREAT point I completely missed - I should have mentioned she either dropped it or used it! As for farther, that was my first thought too, so I am going to change that too. THANK you! Wonderful catches, G.
