Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Chapter Four part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
34 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
I love how you got me in suspense with Anderson spying on the owner of the painting and now to find what Ivan Kuznetsov is up to..
A very good on going story..
Gert
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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Hello Barb
I love how you got me in suspense with Anderson spying on the owner of the painting and now to find what Ivan Kuznetsov is up to..
A very good on going story..
Gert
Comment Written 15-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Gert. I am hoping I have created a very interesting character with Anderson. He play himself close to the vest so there will be tiny hints into his personality.
Comment from dweigt
Interesting. We are learning more about the painting, and Anderson. I have just a few minor quibbles.
As he drove past them, one made a phone call. It wasn't long before a black sedan followed him to the Metropolitan Art Museum. -- Viewpoint? You seem to be in Anderson's viewpoint in this section, but these two sentences are slipping close to 3rd person omniscient. Not clear if Anderson realizes he is being followed.
$240.000 -- Should this be $240,000 or are you using an alternate style purposely?
"Austria considers 'The Kiss' a national treasure'. -- I think you don't need the single quote after treasure.
That man's way too close. What's he doing? -- Might be better to describe the man's actions here, rather than give us Anderson's reaction.
"Have a background check run on Ivan Kuznetsov . He owns the painting and may have wanted something placed on it. I don't believe in coincidences. I'm on my way home." -- This falls a little flat, and isn't a strong ending for the section. Do the last two sentences add anything? Obviously every section can't end on a cliffhanger, but try to find a little more of a hook to keep us reading here.
You mention changing Ivan's name to avoid using a real person. But the painting at the center of this story is real as well, so doesn't that cause a problem too? Does it have to be a real work for your story, or could it be a fictional painting by Klimt?
I want to know what happens next. Keep writing!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Interesting. We are learning more about the painting, and Anderson. I have just a few minor quibbles.
As he drove past them, one made a phone call. It wasn't long before a black sedan followed him to the Metropolitan Art Museum. -- Viewpoint? You seem to be in Anderson's viewpoint in this section, but these two sentences are slipping close to 3rd person omniscient. Not clear if Anderson realizes he is being followed.
$240.000 -- Should this be $240,000 or are you using an alternate style purposely?
"Austria considers 'The Kiss' a national treasure'. -- I think you don't need the single quote after treasure.
That man's way too close. What's he doing? -- Might be better to describe the man's actions here, rather than give us Anderson's reaction.
"Have a background check run on Ivan Kuznetsov . He owns the painting and may have wanted something placed on it. I don't believe in coincidences. I'm on my way home." -- This falls a little flat, and isn't a strong ending for the section. Do the last two sentences add anything? Obviously every section can't end on a cliffhanger, but try to find a little more of a hook to keep us reading here.
You mention changing Ivan's name to avoid using a real person. But the painting at the center of this story is real as well, so doesn't that cause a problem too? Does it have to be a real work for your story, or could it be a fictional painting by Klimt?
I want to know what happens next. Keep writing!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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I doubt a real painting and artist will cause a problem because the public knows them. I am not sure a private citizen would feel the same. I have made corrections and checked some of the other areas. Thank you for the help.
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You're welcome. My concern about the painting is that it clearly has a real owner, and your story could be construed to be implying that owner is not be the rightful one. Maybe that is a non-issue, but it would be avoided completely if you used a fictional work, even if it is by a known artist. Then again, if the real owner sued, it would be great publicity!
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I have changed everything. I want to be safe.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
Either this was a short chapter or it was supremely written, because I whizzed through it and reached the end allll of a sudden! Great job. I look forward to the next!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Barbara,
Either this was a short chapter or it was supremely written, because I whizzed through it and reached the end allll of a sudden! Great job. I look forward to the next!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A well written chapter. Are these real paintings or fictional? Just wondering. Katie Jo really wants her own dog walker. Have a good week, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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A well written chapter. Are these real paintings or fictional? Just wondering. Katie Jo really wants her own dog walker. Have a good week, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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The painting and the artist are real. Katie Jo should have her own walker. LOL Thank you for the support.
Comment from Mastery
Outstanding chapter once again, Barbara. Very good imagery as usual"
"He noticed the man was on his phone and edged as close as he dared, hoping to overhear part of the conversation."
And: "Anderson released a deep breath as the man walked away."
Suggestion: Use a pronoun "he" here as you just started the last paragraph with his name "Anderson (for smoother sound, Barbara.
And: ""Could you direct me to them?" (needs speech tag here. "he said or asked)
Bravo! Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Outstanding chapter once again, Barbara. Very good imagery as usual"
"He noticed the man was on his phone and edged as close as he dared, hoping to overhear part of the conversation."
And: "Anderson released a deep breath as the man walked away."
Suggestion: Use a pronoun "he" here as you just started the last paragraph with his name "Anderson (for smoother sound, Barbara.
And: ""Could you direct me to them?" (needs speech tag here. "he said or asked)
Bravo! Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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I have made the corrections. Thank you for the help and support.
Comment from Ella25
Things are getting interesting with the stolen family relics. Is Shana's family will get it back. Who are the Russian's behind the painting? Well-written chapter. Keeps us wondering to find more. I am looking forward to reading more, my friend author. With love, Ella
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Things are getting interesting with the stolen family relics. Is Shana's family will get it back. Who are the Russian's behind the painting? Well-written chapter. Keeps us wondering to find more. I am looking forward to reading more, my friend author. With love, Ella
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You are welcome, my dear. Love, Ella
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is well penned and certainly holds one's attention. Pieces are slowly starting to come together, but you are a master of giving us tiny little nibbles to chew on in between posts. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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This is well penned and certainly holds one's attention. Pieces are slowly starting to come together, but you are a master of giving us tiny little nibbles to chew on in between posts. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from DonandVicki
I have enjoyed following along on your story, you have a way of keeping the reader wanting more at the end of each chapter.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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I have enjoyed following along on your story, you have a way of keeping the reader wanting more at the end of each chapter.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from barkingdog
Perhaps a tracking device?
I enjoyed the bit of information on 'The Kiss'. It brings reality to your plot.
Now, to find out who this Ivan Kuznetsov is and what he wants with Shana.
No problems noted.
Fine dialogue and clear scene descriptions at the museum.
:) e
.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Perhaps a tracking device?
I enjoyed the bit of information on 'The Kiss'. It brings reality to your plot.
Now, to find out who this Ivan Kuznetsov is and what he wants with Shana.
No problems noted.
Fine dialogue and clear scene descriptions at the museum.
:) e
.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sasha
Great work with this chapter. Lots of questions to add to the already long list of unanswered questions. Anderson seems to know who to talk to and gives me the impression he knows what he is doing. I anxiously look forward to learning what he has to say when gets back home.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Great work with this chapter. Lots of questions to add to the already long list of unanswered questions. Anderson seems to know who to talk to and gives me the impression he knows what he is doing. I anxiously look forward to learning what he has to say when gets back home.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review and your continued support.
