Charlie And The Power
A tragic end for Charlie20 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
Such a sad but well written story.
I would like to think that Charlie felt his time was near and that's what brought on the story telling.
He did love his land and died caring for it.
Best of luck in the contest.
:) e
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
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Such a sad but well written story.
I would like to think that Charlie felt his time was near and that's what brought on the story telling.
He did love his land and died caring for it.
Best of luck in the contest.
:) e
Comment Written 10-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
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Thank you. I had fun writing this story. I love descriptive writing and watch for contest where it will work good.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Some lovely writing in this piece. Great sense of place and atmosphere invoked.
It needs a little bit of editing though. I made some notes as I read.
and did butchering to earn extra money for my family. - need closing speech marks here.
'Uh, oh,' another long-winded old man story,' - you have one too many thought marks in here.
story telling - storytelling.
comfortable as possible.Besides - need a space after the full stop.
Ir exists everywhere--all around us - It exists.
Can you see it? Touch it? No. It's here, and it isn't. - need closing speech marks here.
Mother didn't want him to - need opening speech marks here.
"Dad took the tractor out to brush-hog some grass along the road," Nancy said through her tears. Mother didn't want him to, but you know how stubborn Dad is. On the way back home he got too close to the bank and rolled the tractor over the edge. Dad is dead."
- this section felt a little put of place as it was the narrator's husband who took the call but it is written as if she was privy to the call itself rather than it being overheard or reported to her.
All the best
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
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Hi there,
Some lovely writing in this piece. Great sense of place and atmosphere invoked.
It needs a little bit of editing though. I made some notes as I read.
and did butchering to earn extra money for my family. - need closing speech marks here.
'Uh, oh,' another long-winded old man story,' - you have one too many thought marks in here.
story telling - storytelling.
comfortable as possible.Besides - need a space after the full stop.
Ir exists everywhere--all around us - It exists.
Can you see it? Touch it? No. It's here, and it isn't. - need closing speech marks here.
Mother didn't want him to - need opening speech marks here.
"Dad took the tractor out to brush-hog some grass along the road," Nancy said through her tears. Mother didn't want him to, but you know how stubborn Dad is. On the way back home he got too close to the bank and rolled the tractor over the edge. Dad is dead."
- this section felt a little put of place as it was the narrator's husband who took the call but it is written as if she was privy to the call itself rather than it being overheard or reported to her.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
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Thanks for the catches. I will edit and repair.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very good story. It's fiction, but you made it sound true. I loved Charlie's little speech and the possibility it was a premonition. I'll have to fan you to read more stories. :)
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
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Very good story. It's fiction, but you made it sound true. I loved Charlie's little speech and the possibility it was a premonition. I'll have to fan you to read more stories. :)
Comment Written 10-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
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Thank you. So glad you enjoyed the story.
Comment from light
I enjoyed this well-told story. It reminded me that two days before my grandfather died he told his sons, "When the last limb on that old tree is dead, I will be dead too", and that's exactly what happened. After the funeral the five brothers chopped down the tree. So these things do happen.
Elaine
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
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I enjoyed this well-told story. It reminded me that two days before my grandfather died he told his sons, "When the last limb on that old tree is dead, I will be dead too", and that's exactly what happened. After the funeral the five brothers chopped down the tree. So these things do happen.
Elaine
Comment Written 09-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
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Thank you. I made this up from the prompt, but I do believe these things happen.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story. We cannot know exactly when our hour will come, but I often hear stories like this, where the one seems to know somehow that his time is near, or it might be just a coincidence.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
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A very well-written story. We cannot know exactly when our hour will come, but I often hear stories like this, where the one seems to know somehow that his time is near, or it might be just a coincidence.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
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Thank you. Yep, I think you are right. sometimes a person just knows when their time is near. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Comment from trumby
Charlie's words make a lot of sense to me. My house was just somewhere to stay between jobs until my wife moved into it. Then I became very house proud and started to do a lot of renovations that I didn't even know that I could do. It's truly amazing how love can change you.
This is a well written, believable story that I enjoyed reading.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2016
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Charlie's words make a lot of sense to me. My house was just somewhere to stay between jobs until my wife moved into it. Then I became very house proud and started to do a lot of renovations that I didn't even know that I could do. It's truly amazing how love can change you.
This is a well written, believable story that I enjoyed reading.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2016
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Thank you for reading and the excellent review. So glad you enjoyed the story.
Comment from w.j.debi
There are moments in life that give one pause, especially unexpected conversations out of the ordinary such as the one you wrote.
Excellent descriptions and the dialog is especially well done.
Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2016
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There are moments in life that give one pause, especially unexpected conversations out of the ordinary such as the one you wrote.
Excellent descriptions and the dialog is especially well done.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2016
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Thank you. I love to do descriptive writing and watch for contests where I can use a lot of it. Glad you liked it.
Comment from winnona
A well-written contest entry. Tractor accidents are common especially on the large farms. Your well-written story moved right along from beginning to end and your realistic characters and details brought it to life as I read it. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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A well-written contest entry. Tractor accidents are common especially on the large farms. Your well-written story moved right along from beginning to end and your realistic characters and details brought it to life as I read it. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you, Winnona. I love to do descriptive writing so I watch for the best contests to use it in. I appreciate your comments and five stars.
Comment from damommy
A beautiful story.
I believe Charlie knew his time was near. What lovely things he said about the land, love, and power.
This is one of the best stories I've read lately. Good luck.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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A beautiful story.
I believe Charlie knew his time was near. What lovely things he said about the land, love, and power.
This is one of the best stories I've read lately. Good luck.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. Just a story that came to mind when I read the prompt. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from pome lover
this is great! you are a natural born story teller. I didn't want to stop reading, and your dialogue is realistic - I could almost hear him talking. and I liked the description of the storyteller, too - her thoughts, etc.
good job
pome lover
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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this is great! you are a natural born story teller. I didn't want to stop reading, and your dialogue is realistic - I could almost hear him talking. and I liked the description of the storyteller, too - her thoughts, etc.
good job
pome lover
Comment Written 07-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. Thanks for the six stars. I love to do descriptive writing and watch for contests where I can best use it.
