A Present For Sarah
Candy Cane9 total reviews
Comment from wilkswrites
Awwww! What a nice story. Mixed with happiness and sadness and bravery. My mom died of bone cancer. I wonder if her life could have been spared. She was the only person that I knew who always complained of achy legs, and constantly rubbed alcohol on them. -- Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016
Awwww! What a nice story. Mixed with happiness and sadness and bravery. My mom died of bone cancer. I wonder if her life could have been spared. She was the only person that I knew who always complained of achy legs, and constantly rubbed alcohol on them. -- Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 11-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016
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thank you for your kindness
Comment from Ella25
What a lovely story of a little Sarah bonding with her beloved horse. A way of reaching out to children to understand what disability is and helping them cope and accept it. Words are easy to follow as they flow effortlessly balancing nicely with the image of the horse. Thank you for sharing and best luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
What a lovely story of a little Sarah bonding with her beloved horse. A way of reaching out to children to understand what disability is and helping them cope and accept it. Words are easy to follow as they flow effortlessly balancing nicely with the image of the horse. Thank you for sharing and best luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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thank you for your support
Comment from w.j.debi
A charming story and well told. There are a few grammatical issues, but I see they have already been addressed by other reviewers.
You have a great sense of how to tell a story. Do you tell stories at storytelling festivals? Or other libraries, etc.? I'll bet your oral storytelling skills are even better than your written ones.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
A charming story and well told. There are a few grammatical issues, but I see they have already been addressed by other reviewers.
You have a great sense of how to tell a story. Do you tell stories at storytelling festivals? Or other libraries, etc.? I'll bet your oral storytelling skills are even better than your written ones.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
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thank you so much
Comment from sunnilicious
Well, everyone likes candy canes. There are a few cliches thoughts in this story, however, I like your style. The presentation of the narrative works well together. And that is a well accomplished lady character now. Wonderful story.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
Well, everyone likes candy canes. There are a few cliches thoughts in this story, however, I like your style. The presentation of the narrative works well together. And that is a well accomplished lady character now. Wonderful story.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
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thank you for all your support
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
That's the love only a family or someone who truly loves you can do for you. Watching someone go through this that you love suffer through something like that, I get wanting to make them happy and smile. Great job
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
That's the love only a family or someone who truly loves you can do for you. Watching someone go through this that you love suffer through something like that, I get wanting to make them happy and smile. Great job
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
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thank you so much for your post
Comment from Ric Myworld
Those sparkling eyes of a child when they get that first glimpse of their horse or pony. I think we all remember our first, and although I've had a few thousand over the years, my first is the one that is still the fondest in my memory. Thanks for another fine story. :-)
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
Those sparkling eyes of a child when they get that first glimpse of their horse or pony. I think we all remember our first, and although I've had a few thousand over the years, my first is the one that is still the fondest in my memory. Thanks for another fine story. :-)
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
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yes the first horse is always the one remember for ever
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
An excellent children's poem for the contest. One of love.
My uncle asked him, "How much?" and he said.... (") none at the end.
Mr. (Truman) said, "I have never...".
He said, (t)here was no charge.
as (Sarah) hugged him
ride, and to explain what it means
Sarah wanted to become...
and wants to be a ranch owner.
to improvise no comma
When she got her prosthetics (,)
In the coolness of the afternoons (,)
Candy Cane (.) It
Aunt Betty (.) She
delicious cookies leave off of
No parathensis after Sara said. you are not quoting her word for word.
Bring up last sentence to paragraph ahead.
Uncle Charlie said, "There...
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
An excellent children's poem for the contest. One of love.
My uncle asked him, "How much?" and he said.... (") none at the end.
Mr. (Truman) said, "I have never...".
He said, (t)here was no charge.
as (Sarah) hugged him
ride, and to explain what it means
Sarah wanted to become...
and wants to be a ranch owner.
to improvise no comma
When she got her prosthetics (,)
In the coolness of the afternoons (,)
Candy Cane (.) It
Aunt Betty (.) She
delicious cookies leave off of
No parathensis after Sara said. you are not quoting her word for word.
Bring up last sentence to paragraph ahead.
Uncle Charlie said, "There...
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
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hope it is better now
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OH yes
Hope you didn't mind
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you always know when it comes to punctuation I am a dunder head, also dialogue too
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a nice piece for the competition. Very fitting and uplifting story for the festive season. I used to do 'riding for the disabled' a long time ago and the benefits are immense.
A few bits and pieces I noticed as I read-
In the first couple of paragraphs, you don't need the speech marks as you are using reported speech rather than direct speech.
My uncle asked him,"1 how much and he said he would not take any money for him." - This should read "How much?" the rest of it is reported because if Mr Truman had said it he would use I rather than he.
Again here, Mr.Houston said "he had never seen a horse and rider fall in love with each other soon as they met." {also has the name changed here?} If he actually said it, it would be "I have never seen a horse and rider fall in love with each other as soon as they met before." You can keep it the way it is simply by removing the speech marks and its will work as reported speech.
when she get out of school - gets.
in horsemanship,physical therapy - insert a space after the comma.
She says she was able to, improvise - no comma necessary here.
When she first got her prostthetics - prosthetics.
CandyCane looked at her funny- insert a space after Candy.
He was just as excited as Sarah, - this should have a full stop at the end rather than a comma.
it was there favorite hang out - their / hangout.
Everyone loved Aunt Betty she maded the best tasting meals - made.
Sara said, " she could never repay him for getting her mind off her sorrows and bring Candy Cane into her life." - either delete the speech marks or turn the dialogue to first person "I could never repay him for taking my mind off my sorrows and bringing Candy Cane into my life."
Uncle Charlie's said,"there was no need,just seeing the two of you together was enough"
No apostrophe s for Charlie and should start with a capital - Thee, insert a space before just and you need a full stop at the end before the closing speech marks.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
Hi there,
This is a nice piece for the competition. Very fitting and uplifting story for the festive season. I used to do 'riding for the disabled' a long time ago and the benefits are immense.
A few bits and pieces I noticed as I read-
In the first couple of paragraphs, you don't need the speech marks as you are using reported speech rather than direct speech.
My uncle asked him,"1 how much and he said he would not take any money for him." - This should read "How much?" the rest of it is reported because if Mr Truman had said it he would use I rather than he.
Again here, Mr.Houston said "he had never seen a horse and rider fall in love with each other soon as they met." {also has the name changed here?} If he actually said it, it would be "I have never seen a horse and rider fall in love with each other as soon as they met before." You can keep it the way it is simply by removing the speech marks and its will work as reported speech.
when she get out of school - gets.
in horsemanship,physical therapy - insert a space after the comma.
She says she was able to, improvise - no comma necessary here.
When she first got her prostthetics - prosthetics.
CandyCane looked at her funny- insert a space after Candy.
He was just as excited as Sarah, - this should have a full stop at the end rather than a comma.
it was there favorite hang out - their / hangout.
Everyone loved Aunt Betty she maded the best tasting meals - made.
Sara said, " she could never repay him for getting her mind off her sorrows and bring Candy Cane into her life." - either delete the speech marks or turn the dialogue to first person "I could never repay him for taking my mind off my sorrows and bringing Candy Cane into my life."
Uncle Charlie's said,"there was no need,just seeing the two of you together was enough"
No apostrophe s for Charlie and should start with a capital - Thee, insert a space before just and you need a full stop at the end before the closing speech marks.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016
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hope you like it
Comment from Thomas Bowling
An excellent contest entry. You should do well. It seems to meet all the requirements for this contest. Good luck. I hope you win.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
An excellent contest entry. You should do well. It seems to meet all the requirements for this contest. Good luck. I hope you win.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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thank you for your kindness