Moving Walls
If only Charlie had told me what was going on...10 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
An excellent contest entry. You should do well. It seems to meet all the requirements for this contest. Good luck. I hope you win.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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An excellent contest entry. You should do well. It seems to meet all the requirements for this contest. Good luck. I hope you win.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thanks, Thomas.
Comment from janalma
Spooky. Reminds me of one by Poe, where the walls would close in to torture a person during the Inquisition. I guess it's good your protagonist didn't stay there. Lol. Interesting story, this.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Spooky. Reminds me of one by Poe, where the walls would close in to torture a person during the Inquisition. I guess it's good your protagonist didn't stay there. Lol. Interesting story, this.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Do you remember the title? I love Poe, but I haven't read that one and I'd like to.
Thanks for reading.
Comment from damommy
How creepy. I'm glad he didn't stay the night. We'd never have heard of him again.
Great hook in the first line. Right off, I wondered what was wrong with Charlie. Now, we know, but we'll never know why it happens. 8-)
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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How creepy. I'm glad he didn't stay the night. We'd never have heard of him again.
Great hook in the first line. Right off, I wondered what was wrong with Charlie. Now, we know, but we'll never know why it happens. 8-)
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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Thanks for reading, Yvonne.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
this is excellent and so great to read. I loved how you ended it with hoping Charlie was not one of them. No problems noted but I was reading so fast that I did not really notice. I just needed to absorb it because it was very interesting.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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this is excellent and so great to read. I loved how you ended it with hoping Charlie was not one of them. No problems noted but I was reading so fast that I did not really notice. I just needed to absorb it because it was very interesting.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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I'm glad you found it interesting, Barb. The first review I got for this piece was scathing.
Thanks.
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No way! I thought it was great and loved the last part.
Comment from Quantum Traveler
An Excellent Writing that Deals with a Very Delicate Situation.
The Imagery with this writing syncs well with the Drama at hand.
This particular writing hits home with some of the youth I have known over the years who have had to make decisions on their own and have made choices based on that singleness of mind...I have been to a few of those funerals.
I'm sure the Writing Prompt for this story was from a similar encounter from the past.
Very Well Written...An In Depth Story Must Lie Within This Contest Entry.
The Best To You in this Contest...Quantum Traveler...Phil.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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An Excellent Writing that Deals with a Very Delicate Situation.
The Imagery with this writing syncs well with the Drama at hand.
This particular writing hits home with some of the youth I have known over the years who have had to make decisions on their own and have made choices based on that singleness of mind...I have been to a few of those funerals.
I'm sure the Writing Prompt for this story was from a similar encounter from the past.
Very Well Written...An In Depth Story Must Lie Within This Contest Entry.
The Best To You in this Contest...Quantum Traveler...Phil.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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Thanks for your thorough review.
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The Best To You...This was something I needed to respond to...Quantum Traveler...Phil.
Comment from heisemg
I like your story line, and I know it was written for a Writing Prompt contest, but it has so much more potential to be expanded, I would have liked to know more about, well everything, the characters, their relationship, their past and more about what possesses the apartment. Hang on to this story it will make a first rate horror story with a little more work.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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I like your story line, and I know it was written for a Writing Prompt contest, but it has so much more potential to be expanded, I would have liked to know more about, well everything, the characters, their relationship, their past and more about what possesses the apartment. Hang on to this story it will make a first rate horror story with a little more work.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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I think you're right. Thanks for reading.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
An eerie little tale here for this competition. Good atmosphere created which starts off very innocent bit gradually descends into oddness. very well done.
I wasn't' sure what to do - wasn't.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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Hi there,
An eerie little tale here for this competition. Good atmosphere created which starts off very innocent bit gradually descends into oddness. very well done.
I wasn't' sure what to do - wasn't.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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Thanks for reading and for noticing the typo.
Comment from wilkswrites
WOW! What a compelling story. All I can say is that you really should consider turning this into a chapter book. I would be so cool to see what happens when others rent the apartment-- the challenges that you would face as the landlord having to deal with what others are growing through knowing that what they are telling you is true.
I really feel that not renting the place chops the story and closes the chapter abruptly.
Great job. LOVE it!!!
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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WOW! What a compelling story. All I can say is that you really should consider turning this into a chapter book. I would be so cool to see what happens when others rent the apartment-- the challenges that you would face as the landlord having to deal with what others are growing through knowing that what they are telling you is true.
I really feel that not renting the place chops the story and closes the chapter abruptly.
Great job. LOVE it!!!
Comment Written 03-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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I'm glad you liked it. Maybe you are right about the ending.
Thanks for the great review and rating.
Comment from tfawcus
A chilling story! Your introduction of the letter towards the end provides an interesting twist to your tale. Some places do seem to hold echoes of a tragic past that can become quite overwhelming.
A couple of minor spags to fix:
"Charlie's parent's home" should read "Charlie's parents' home" as you have indicated later in the story that he has two parents and not just one.
"The lawyer started reading and (I) the truth is I wasn't paying much attention till I heard my name." ...also here I wondered if 'but' might be more logical than 'and'.
You have some telling descriptions of characters such as the father with a Dickens' face and the lawyer who is almost transparent.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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A chilling story! Your introduction of the letter towards the end provides an interesting twist to your tale. Some places do seem to hold echoes of a tragic past that can become quite overwhelming.
A couple of minor spags to fix:
"Charlie's parent's home" should read "Charlie's parents' home" as you have indicated later in the story that he has two parents and not just one.
"The lawyer started reading and (I) the truth is I wasn't paying much attention till I heard my name." ...also here I wondered if 'but' might be more logical than 'and'.
You have some telling descriptions of characters such as the father with a Dickens' face and the lawyer who is almost transparent.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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Thanks of reading and for noticing the typos. I've already corrected them.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
So that's it? Charlie was right and the guy just left? Not much of a story without an ending, and that doesn't feel like an ending... just cut off mid-mystery.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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So that's it? Charlie was right and the guy just left? Not much of a story without an ending, and that doesn't feel like an ending... just cut off mid-mystery.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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It's an open-ended story, Phyllis. Sorry you didn't like it.
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An open-ended story is just another name for an unfinished story in this case. That's not what open-ended means. It means it can go one or two ways, maybe three... but the reader can imagine an ending. Not so here.
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Okay. I'm the narrator here and I like it this way. If I had been this guy I would have left too. Wouldn't want the walls to squash me.
Thanks for your review.
