Nanny Diaries-BEEP BEEP BEEP!
Coffee, bear claws & a mallet through a friend's car window19 total reviews
Comment from AnnaLinda
Mary,
Whew! I found the end of your funny, but not so funny personal story.
I was 'locked' up in stitches in several places...You are a hoot!
" serial shooter" "manufactured with kryptonite by ninja Korean auto makers."
"celebrated my birthday which had taken place three months earlier
"with my one-year-old grandson propped on my bear claw-enhanced right hip."
" Brunhilda was the first to drop the F-bomb."
Do you live far from the fire dept?? I think your Irish gift failed you this time...
You did not predict the possibility of locked doors...Now, that is a 101 in
imagining the worst possible scenario with a child...Perhaps there is a deficit
somewhere in the gene pool...Don't tell Brunhilda I said that.
Does insurance cover that type of genetic corruption?
Very fun read...15 minutes later...haha Roast...sorry.
Linda
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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Mary,
Whew! I found the end of your funny, but not so funny personal story.
I was 'locked' up in stitches in several places...You are a hoot!
" serial shooter" "manufactured with kryptonite by ninja Korean auto makers."
"celebrated my birthday which had taken place three months earlier
"with my one-year-old grandson propped on my bear claw-enhanced right hip."
" Brunhilda was the first to drop the F-bomb."
Do you live far from the fire dept?? I think your Irish gift failed you this time...
You did not predict the possibility of locked doors...Now, that is a 101 in
imagining the worst possible scenario with a child...Perhaps there is a deficit
somewhere in the gene pool...Don't tell Brunhilda I said that.
Does insurance cover that type of genetic corruption?
Very fun read...15 minutes later...haha Roast...sorry.
Linda
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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Haha, thank you Linda, for your RR&R and for the finding my "The End"! LOL. You're right, my Irish did not predict my friend threw her keys inside her purse on the passenger seat. I will never assume again a person's car keys are INSIDE the car!
Insurance did not cover the sliced fingers or the glass breakage, so we did!
Thanks so much for your wonderful review. It was so good to get one from you. How was your son's wedding?
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Welcome...twas a fun read...albeit long...haha I'm just a slow reader...looking at everything...taking it all in. Teasing.
The wedding was beautiful. It took place on a submarine base on the Pacific in San Diego. There were a few quirky moments...Perhaps I'll write it up someday...Mostly my son's NON COMMUNICATION and having the ex drive me and Willy to a rehearsal dinner we did know about until...mmm that day?
Well, we are off to Miami tomorrow to Dutch Embassy...That's another story how Willy waited until the last month to update his passport...with a no-mail in option...You must be wearing off on me...I have not even packed yet...
Take care of that beauty of a grandson...give him an extra hug and kiss for me...you blessed lady.
Let's not forget to say hi to hubby.
(I have made some edits to my roast...haha)
Comment from Sis Cat
I enjoyed how your Timehop app inspired your humorous and dramatic story of breaking into your friend's car to rescue a grandchild. You have strong, propulsive writing. Your prose crackles with intensity and humor, for example:
"I walked her to the SUV parked curbside with my one-year-old grandson propped on my bear claw-enhanced right hip."
I enjoyed your dialogue, especially your exaggeration of the F-word. Your story is action-packed and dramatic. It also has a happy ending, although I wonder how much it cost to repair that car.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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I enjoyed how your Timehop app inspired your humorous and dramatic story of breaking into your friend's car to rescue a grandchild. You have strong, propulsive writing. Your prose crackles with intensity and humor, for example:
"I walked her to the SUV parked curbside with my one-year-old grandson propped on my bear claw-enhanced right hip."
I enjoyed your dialogue, especially your exaggeration of the F-word. Your story is action-packed and dramatic. It also has a happy ending, although I wonder how much it cost to repair that car.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2016
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Hi Andre, thank you for your feedback on this one. I always look forward to reading your reaction to my work. You are so eloquent in expressing yourself. The cost to repair that wee widdle window was a couple of hundred bucks...we went dutch--my friend refused to let me pay for the whole enchilada, which I was prepared to do. I'm thinking it was about $250 or $300. But in the meantime, I had an old lawn campaign sign for a guy name FINN. I used an exacto knife to fill the gaping opening until repairs could be made. Elizabeth drove around for a few days with bandaged fingers and FIN across her right rear window...our joke it was shorthand for shorter fingers as a result of her using them to take out the kryptonite glass :)
Comment from F. Wehr3
Really funny story, Mary. I enjoy your humor and how you relay events.
I found a couple of things for your consideration.
Brunhilda, my snarky inner voice insists one day the ingrates will thank me. --Suggest another comma after voice.
It was about this time I had the idea to retrieve my own FOB from the house so I could show him which button to push from outside the window.--Suggest a comma before so. It's an underused coordinating conjunction same as 'and' and 'but'.
Bruni found it necessary at this time to bring up the suggestion kids are like dogs, when they see you leave, they assume you are never coming back.--Suggest a a semi-colon in place of your comma after dogs.
we were in like flint. --The actual phrase is in like Flynn. A reference to Errol Flynn, which some say is about his action movies or his personal...err...mmm 'action', if you get my drift.
Great work! I can't wait to see what you and Bruni will get into next.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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Really funny story, Mary. I enjoy your humor and how you relay events.
I found a couple of things for your consideration.
Brunhilda, my snarky inner voice insists one day the ingrates will thank me. --Suggest another comma after voice.
It was about this time I had the idea to retrieve my own FOB from the house so I could show him which button to push from outside the window.--Suggest a comma before so. It's an underused coordinating conjunction same as 'and' and 'but'.
Bruni found it necessary at this time to bring up the suggestion kids are like dogs, when they see you leave, they assume you are never coming back.--Suggest a a semi-colon in place of your comma after dogs.
we were in like flint. --The actual phrase is in like Flynn. A reference to Errol Flynn, which some say is about his action movies or his personal...err...mmm 'action', if you get my drift.
Great work! I can't wait to see what you and Bruni will get into next.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 03-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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Hi Russell, thank you for your wonderful review, and suggestions for improvement. I have incorporated them all into the piece. I appreciate your explanations for them which will help me with future writings.
So I guess I may have to 'Nip it in the butt'* my 'In like Flint' reference or add a reference in my notes, as another reviewer made the same observation as you with regard to Errol Flynn.
I was going with smooth operator reference with the James Coburn's movies, In Like Flint, and the bumbling Austin Powers movies of the same title. We were definitely bumbling it that afternoon. *I know it is nip in the bud==lol. There is a scene in the Coburn movie of women trapped behind rows of glassed in compartments. Though Elizabeth and I weren't wearing bikini's, I struck a chord and thus the reference.
I'm exhausted having to explain myself here, so maybe I'll just change it to Flynn!
Thanks again, Russell, for your RR&R and outstanding review. You are so appreciated!
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Lol, thanks for the explanation about the James Coburn movie. I'd forgotten about that one. It was a spoof of spy movies, and the title would have been a spoof of in like Flynn, right? Regardless, I can see your reference more clearly, most people won't even notice.
Have a great day!
Comment from Kelly2
Another one for the books, Mary! I swear, your husband becomes a saint in my eyes more and more every day.
Two things I never knew:
"Timehop"
Never heard of it.
"Brunhilda, named after an old friend's bitchy ex-wife"
Nice piece of back ground information that I did not know. I thought Brunhilda was a witch. Oh, I guess she was.
"Today's Timehop brought up photos of the time I slammed
my friend's right rear wing window with a yellow handled mallet. "
Very nice lead in! Unfortunately for Timehop, it also eliminated any possibility of me downloading this app. Do I really need to be reminded of the time (maybe I was a tad hormonal or went off my meds or just went off the deep end for no foooooking reason) when I wrote across my living room wall in black sharpie about bed bug sex which is called "traumatic insemination"? Covered now by a huge map of the US, I believe it trumpets the warning, "Traumatic insemination is happening all around you!" Having thus been educated by an episode of Hotel Hell, I researched other insects and their horrifying mating habits, such as the flatworm, who practice "penis fencing". No, I don't need the reminders.
"bear claw-enhanced right hip. "
Please stop with the bad press on bear claws. They are absolutely essential, along with monkey bread and Dairy Queen Dilly Bars, for creating the cushioning necessary for the hip-toting of rug rats. The fact that these wonders didn't exist two hundred years ago has been scientifically proven to have a direct connection to the higher infant mortality back then.
"Her awkward gait while straddling the door simulated
a drunk monkey on a tightrope. "
LOL, such a great visual. I swore, I mean I SWORE to myself no eating ever again while reading your stories, but for some reason I suddenly had a craving for a Dilly Bar...I nearly choked on a bit of butterscotch that I inhaled into my right lung.
"heard the all too familiar sound that momentarily stopped
both our hearts, at this point compromised by too much
caffeine and arteries clogged with danish frosting."
Great line! I could feel the blood rush down my body at the thought.
"Fearing for her car's safety at this point, Elizabeth
frantically tried to dial up AAA car service using my
unfamiliar cell phone. Dialing was not going well due
to screen glare, bad eyes, a screaming toddler, her FOB in
Nether-nether-land, and her car being demo'd by a friend
right before her eyes. "
I love this whole section. Poor Elizabeth. Do you see her much these days?
"we were in like flint."
I'm absolutely confident you used this expression incorrectly for a reason, one that just flew right over my head, but some people know the expression to be "In like Flynn".
Yes, I know, neither makes sense. So let's go with the flint, shall we? But I draw the line at people thinking "scapegoat" is an "escape goat".
Very funny story, girl! I love your writing and sense of humor and how it all comes together on paper. What would I do without your stories?
Kelly
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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Another one for the books, Mary! I swear, your husband becomes a saint in my eyes more and more every day.
Two things I never knew:
"Timehop"
Never heard of it.
"Brunhilda, named after an old friend's bitchy ex-wife"
Nice piece of back ground information that I did not know. I thought Brunhilda was a witch. Oh, I guess she was.
"Today's Timehop brought up photos of the time I slammed
my friend's right rear wing window with a yellow handled mallet. "
Very nice lead in! Unfortunately for Timehop, it also eliminated any possibility of me downloading this app. Do I really need to be reminded of the time (maybe I was a tad hormonal or went off my meds or just went off the deep end for no foooooking reason) when I wrote across my living room wall in black sharpie about bed bug sex which is called "traumatic insemination"? Covered now by a huge map of the US, I believe it trumpets the warning, "Traumatic insemination is happening all around you!" Having thus been educated by an episode of Hotel Hell, I researched other insects and their horrifying mating habits, such as the flatworm, who practice "penis fencing". No, I don't need the reminders.
"bear claw-enhanced right hip. "
Please stop with the bad press on bear claws. They are absolutely essential, along with monkey bread and Dairy Queen Dilly Bars, for creating the cushioning necessary for the hip-toting of rug rats. The fact that these wonders didn't exist two hundred years ago has been scientifically proven to have a direct connection to the higher infant mortality back then.
"Her awkward gait while straddling the door simulated
a drunk monkey on a tightrope. "
LOL, such a great visual. I swore, I mean I SWORE to myself no eating ever again while reading your stories, but for some reason I suddenly had a craving for a Dilly Bar...I nearly choked on a bit of butterscotch that I inhaled into my right lung.
"heard the all too familiar sound that momentarily stopped
both our hearts, at this point compromised by too much
caffeine and arteries clogged with danish frosting."
Great line! I could feel the blood rush down my body at the thought.
"Fearing for her car's safety at this point, Elizabeth
frantically tried to dial up AAA car service using my
unfamiliar cell phone. Dialing was not going well due
to screen glare, bad eyes, a screaming toddler, her FOB in
Nether-nether-land, and her car being demo'd by a friend
right before her eyes. "
I love this whole section. Poor Elizabeth. Do you see her much these days?
"we were in like flint."
I'm absolutely confident you used this expression incorrectly for a reason, one that just flew right over my head, but some people know the expression to be "In like Flynn".
Yes, I know, neither makes sense. So let's go with the flint, shall we? But I draw the line at people thinking "scapegoat" is an "escape goat".
Very funny story, girl! I love your writing and sense of humor and how it all comes together on paper. What would I do without your stories?
Kelly
Comment Written 02-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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LOL Kelly. Another amazing review that I have read several times just for the fun factor. And that six!! Is it just me or are they getting more elusive than ever?? I do appreciate your assignment of one. Timehop is a great thing, you should embrace it. Really :) It provides great writing prompts if nothing else! I knew I liked you from the beginning...you sealed the friendship with the reference to dilly bars from the D.Q. I've had a thing for them since childhood, and their little 'outies' belly buttons. Is it me again, or have they shrunk in size over the years, though?
So I guess I may have to 'Nip it in the butt' my 'in like Flint' reference or add a reference in my notes, as another reviewer made the same observation as you with regard to Errol Flynn. I was going with smooth operator reference with the James Coburn's movies, In Like Flint and the bumbling Austin Powers of the same title. We were definitely bumbling it that afternoon. *I know it is nip in the bud==lol. There is a scene in the Coburn movie of women trapped behind rows of glassed in compartments. Though Elizabeth and I weren't wearing bikini's, I struck a chord and thus the reference.
I'm exhausted having to explain myself there, so maybe I'll just change it to flynn!
Thanks again, Kelly, and have an awesome weekend! XO
Comment from emptypage
I love how you never actually say "fuck," but you still mark your posts for language. And then I saw "fuck" and all was right with the world! It is my favorite word.
Blood never bothers me. I should have been there!
As far as your writing, all is wonderful as usual. I laughed several times, but I could certainly understand why someone else might cry. I see no technical issues at all. But I'll have to read it again later. I've only been awake five hours.
Marla
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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I love how you never actually say "fuck," but you still mark your posts for language. And then I saw "fuck" and all was right with the world! It is my favorite word.
Blood never bothers me. I should have been there!
As far as your writing, all is wonderful as usual. I laughed several times, but I could certainly understand why someone else might cry. I see no technical issues at all. But I'll have to read it again later. I've only been awake five hours.
Marla
Comment Written 01-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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Hi Marla, LOL on the f-bomb. It is one of my go-to's as well, more so with aging! It is so liberating, isn't it?! Thank you for your terrific RR&R and kind remarks. I don't know what time you posted this, but why awake only five hours? Are you a sick duck today? Hope you feel better. Broken bones have a worse effect on me than blood do, but there was quite a bit of it splattered all over the car's interior and sidewalk, it was a little unnerving. The baby was fascinated by it! Have a great night's sleep, I hope!
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I haven't slept in the dark since I was in 9th grade, Mary. I wait until the sun is up. Then it still takes time to go to sleep, unwind. I was being facetious, though, with that comment. After 5 hours, my brain should function a bit better than it is today. I think that organ is slowly seeping from my ears each day as i sleep.
Comment from Douglas Paul
LOL - quite a story, my friend. Not very funny at the time, I am sure, but very funny to look back on. You have a nice sense of humor - well done
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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LOL - quite a story, my friend. Not very funny at the time, I am sure, but very funny to look back on. You have a nice sense of humor - well done
Comment Written 01-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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Hi Doug, thank you for the RR&R and kind remarks. I very much appreciate your time and talent. Have a great evening!
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Mary. Interesting and fun write. I enjoyed it mfrom start to finish.
Your sense odf humor was very evident...like here: " My second attempt completely missed the window and hit the door frame. Following a third failed attempt, I wondered if my friend's car window had been manufactured with kryptonite by ninja Korean auto makers."
And: "I walked her to the SUV parked curbside with my one-year-old grandson propped on my bear claw-enhanced right hip."
Also: LOL..." B.E.E.P. B.E.E.P. -- Otherwise known as, "Oh shit, he locked the doors." Brunhilda was the first to drop the F-bomb.
There is so much humor in here that mI LAMO. One more:
""Strike Two!" That time the mallet nearly gave me a concussion on the rebound as it whizzed by my head on the recoil. I remember saying out loud, "Oh my God, Elizabeth, did I just miss and dent your door frame, or is that old damage?" Brunhilda snickered while muttering, "You really are a fucking optimist--of course you just dented her door frame!" Elizabeth was quick to confirm the obvious with a speechless nod.
Superb job, Mary. sorry, I have no sixes left. It is deserving. :) Bob
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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Hi, Mary. Interesting and fun write. I enjoyed it mfrom start to finish.
Your sense odf humor was very evident...like here: " My second attempt completely missed the window and hit the door frame. Following a third failed attempt, I wondered if my friend's car window had been manufactured with kryptonite by ninja Korean auto makers."
And: "I walked her to the SUV parked curbside with my one-year-old grandson propped on my bear claw-enhanced right hip."
Also: LOL..." B.E.E.P. B.E.E.P. -- Otherwise known as, "Oh shit, he locked the doors." Brunhilda was the first to drop the F-bomb.
There is so much humor in here that mI LAMO. One more:
""Strike Two!" That time the mallet nearly gave me a concussion on the rebound as it whizzed by my head on the recoil. I remember saying out loud, "Oh my God, Elizabeth, did I just miss and dent your door frame, or is that old damage?" Brunhilda snickered while muttering, "You really are a fucking optimist--of course you just dented her door frame!" Elizabeth was quick to confirm the obvious with a speechless nod.
Superb job, Mary. sorry, I have no sixes left. It is deserving. :) Bob
Comment Written 01-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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Hi Bob, thank you for your wonderful RR&R and I enjoyed hearing about your favorite parts. A virtual six is almost as good as the real thing, and beats a four star any day :) Thanks again for stopping by, and have a great evening!
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U 2 Bob :)
Comment from Dawn Munro
HAHAHAHAHA> OMG, your kid still lets you baby-sit, Mimi? How about this - does your friend still speak to you? HAAHAHAHAHA! I wish my memories were stored like yours are though. I could write about MY many screw-ups and you could harangue me. :)) Laugh-out-loud funny, especially since it's history!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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HAHAHAHAHA> OMG, your kid still lets you baby-sit, Mimi? How about this - does your friend still speak to you? HAAHAHAHAHA! I wish my memories were stored like yours are though. I could write about MY many screw-ups and you could harangue me. :)) Laugh-out-loud funny, especially since it's history!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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Lol Dawn, and two more on the way! Sometimes I wonder myself if I should be doing this! :D. Thanks for your hilarious RR&R! Mucho gracias!
And yes, I emailed her the story lastn night and she said she was dying laughing :)
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Hahahaha!
Comment from Joy Graham
Congratulations! I have just named you the ROFLMAO Queen of FanStory :) Your writing is so much fun that I'd probably present you with a six star rating for every post you make. However, I have resolved to be stingey with my sixes and expect writers to pry them out of my tightly fisted hand. Your share of my sixes will depend on availability, because I must share them around, don't you know lol!
I am amazed at how you add the bold print to add extra oomph to your story telling. I enjoy your Brunhilda moments. I love all the explanations on the side of what you are thinking while going through hilarious attempts to do the right thing in your scene. You have talent that you must share with the world beyond this writing site.
One little spag issue:
- "That time the mallet nearly gave me a concussion on the rebound as (it) whizzed by my head on the recoil."
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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Congratulations! I have just named you the ROFLMAO Queen of FanStory :) Your writing is so much fun that I'd probably present you with a six star rating for every post you make. However, I have resolved to be stingey with my sixes and expect writers to pry them out of my tightly fisted hand. Your share of my sixes will depend on availability, because I must share them around, don't you know lol!
I am amazed at how you add the bold print to add extra oomph to your story telling. I enjoy your Brunhilda moments. I love all the explanations on the side of what you are thinking while going through hilarious attempts to do the right thing in your scene. You have talent that you must share with the world beyond this writing site.
One little spag issue:
- "That time the mallet nearly gave me a concussion on the rebound as (it) whizzed by my head on the recoil."
Comment Written 01-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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Boy, did I love your review, Joy. Thank you so much. You read the improved version, most definitely. I hurried through posting it yesterday while my little grandson (same one in story) was down for his nap and missed quite a few spags. I need to just simmer down in my anxiousness to get these stories posted...either that or hire an editor, because I suck at it!!
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, the awesome confidence builder in suggesting I might have an audience beyond my friends and FanStory. Thank you. I completely understand the need to savor the sixes among the throngs of poets and writers, so very much appreciate this one!
Have an outstanding day!
Comment from Ric Myworld
I almost always use up all my sixes in the first few days of the week, and usually give them to beginning writers as sort of an encouragement and confidence builder. However, this week, I couldn't be happier than to have one for your fiasco. It's so fun and entertaining that my stomach hurts from laughing. I just hope that if I'm ever in a dilemma, PLEASE, don't help me. Stay away from the hammer, stomp your phone, or pretend you don't see me. Thanks for another enjoyable read. :-)
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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I almost always use up all my sixes in the first few days of the week, and usually give them to beginning writers as sort of an encouragement and confidence builder. However, this week, I couldn't be happier than to have one for your fiasco. It's so fun and entertaining that my stomach hurts from laughing. I just hope that if I'm ever in a dilemma, PLEASE, don't help me. Stay away from the hammer, stomp your phone, or pretend you don't see me. Thanks for another enjoyable read. :-)
Comment Written 01-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2016
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LOL, thank you Ric, for your RR&R and continued interest in my work. I loved receiving the ever evasive SIX too, so that was very special. How kind of you to dole them out to the newbies. What a thoughtful gesture. Go You!
I loved your review (LOL-LOL-LOL) and I promise to not get involved if I ever would come across you in need of a dilemma intervention :) Have an outstanding afternoon!
