Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

A very interesting and imaginative poetic verse. I get the feeling of two people who are getting older and love doesn't come as easy. Brittle and falling apart.

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016

Thank you for the very interesting review. In my mind, it's about death and life's cycle. But I really like your version too, it pleases me when my writing evokes a completely different emotion than my intention. It's a sign that the piece is provocative.

Comment from KyColonel Randal

Excellent

Thank you for sharing. I count 5-9-5-6 syllables, for a total of 25 syllables in this poem. That appears to meet the criteria laid out for this contest. I believe your theme should qualify as well. Good luck with your contest entry!

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016

Thank you so much for the review.

Comment from Taffspride

Exceptional

I am so glad I had a six to give you for this excellent naani.
The picture is so vivid, but also a little sad. The thought of winter makes me shiver. But you capture the human emotion side here so well.

I think you have an excellent entry for the contest, and I wish you luck.

Iechyd da

Ann

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016

Ann, I am so glad this one pleased you. I actually have been working on it for a while, but it just wouldn't come together for me. It was originally going to be a tanka, but I think it works better as a naani. As always your exceptional reviews mean a great deal to me, because you know how these forms work. Thank you so much for your support. Hugs Val

Comment from zanya

Excellent

A wonderful dusting and overlay of Philosophy in this NAANI as it reflects upon oneof life's great mysteries our mortality and eventual disappearance from the planet

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thank you, this is exactly the kind of review I was looking for.

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Hello Val;
-I really like the descriptive and very vividly expressive imagery used in this Naani which is beautifully written and effectively productive in creating both a metaphorical image a great subjective theme.
-Not that I'm trying into your affairs as much as I'm trying to suggest a smoother reading what would you think of this:
We fade and detach
just as brittle leaves weather and fall
WITH late Autumn winds
gathering our Winter souls.
-just a suggestion that I thought about two fluidly low the reading of your great poem.
-Good luck in the contest Val and take care and have a good one.
Alex

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Great idea Alex. I will give it serious thought, and I always appreciate help. Thank you for the review. Val

reply by krys123 on 07-Sep-2016

You are very welcome Val.
Alex

reply by krys123 on 07-Sep-2016

Also if you want to get rid of any ING words in a tanker which is really important to some people you can just say "to gather our Winters souls" were treating more effective.
Alex

reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

I took your advice with "with late Autumn winds" but I just am not ready to change the last line. And you can always get into my affairs, far poetry goes. LOL None the less, thank you

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very interesting Naani poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. Good luck in the contest. Teri

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thank you for the lovely review.

reply by Teri7 on 07-Sep-2016

you are so welcome. Teri