Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written tanka. It must be very hard to decide to flee from your own country to safe you and your children's lives. The question is their any guarantee to be safe somewhere else?

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thanks, Sandra - that's the dilemma, isn't it?

Steve

Comment from cterp

Exceptional

The transition in this tanka is very moving. From blood-stained homeland to a glimmer of hope. I like the glimmer, because it brings back the idea of eyes somehow, your children's eyes that brimmed in the first two lines. I wish you well in the contest.

chris

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thanks, Chris.

Well done for picking that up. My first version had children's eyes shining in the first line, but I changed it to add the feeling of sadness and loss, so it's more subtle now.

And thanks for the six stars, too.

Steve

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

Perfectly balanced pivot line in the middle, makes excellent reading in all three directions. This is how a tanka should of course be formed. All this and politically topical as well. Excellent. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016

Thank you. This time, I actually started with that central line and then just played around with the before and after...

Steve

Comment from rockinm76233

Excellent

From your powerful words I would guess this poem is about having to leave your homeland and settle somewhere else. I know that has to be very hard, but sometimes it's a far, far, better place. That's what we will hope for.

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

reply by rockinm76233 on 06-Sep-2016

Your welcome

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Wow! What a great job of putting us readers in the moment with your fine poem. My hearts skips beats as I imagine the fear and thought of these children as they travel. Great job, and good luck in the contest. :-)

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from JanPerry

Excellent

Certainly conjures up some new images for me. A dangerous crossing is always dangerous for children who don't necessarily look around enough.
We hope glimmers of hope become extraordinary for them.
Thanks.

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016

Thanks, Jan. Glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from joannakruk

Excellent

The hope of relocating from a war torn or impoverished setting. When the approval is finally granted the joy cannot be reduced to words. This piece voices the sense of relief, satisfaction, happiness. We migrated to Australia from Poland many years ago so I can somewhat relate. Well done

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016

Thanks, Joanna.

yes, I was trying the near impossible - to get into the mind of someone who has experienced this.

Steve

Comment from Gladys2013

Excellent

Powerful and truly humbling. I love how "dangerous crossing" can take on so many meanings. It's dangerous to stay but dangerous to cross and dangerous in the new place with nothing but hope and faith in your pocket. Well done

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016

Thanks, Gladys.
I was hoping people would pick up in the multiple interpretations of that central pivot line.

Steve

Comment from Irish Rain

Excellent

'blood-stained homeland'.....what a terrible truth that is. How many poor children have to remember their homeland like this? Too many I'm sure. This is wonderful, blessings....

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016

Thanks, IR

Too much of this in the world...

Steve

Comment from Alex Rosel

Excellent

A poignant vand topical Tanka that deals with the reality of life. The image of childrens' eyes brimming with farewell sentiments is very powerful. I enjoyed reading this. Good luck with the competition.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016

Thanks, Alex.

Steve