Reviews from

Dangerous Crossing

Tanka Contest entry

41 total reviews 
Comment from dragonpoet
Excellent
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This poem is both sad and hopeful. It is sad that children have to leave their homes and families to live but also hopeful that they will live a better live where they go.

It makes you thankful to live in a peaceful free country.

Congrats of placing in the contest.

Keep writing.

dragonpoet


 Comment Written 13-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016
    Thank you for reviewing and the kind words.

    Steve
reply by dragonpoet on 13-Sep-2016
    No problem.

    dp
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
Excellent
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You seem to be the site expert on what's going on in Syria. Is that true?

Tanks reads really smoothly, despite no rhyme or right/wrong syllables. Is that
what separates the men from the boys in this genre? Read Gloria's an hour or so ago and found the same gentle cadence.

I really like this, despite its being sad.
Marcia GHW

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016
    Does anyone really know what's going on in Syria? Let's hope the current ceasefire holds and turns into something longer lasting, but the cynic in me thinks it unlikely.

    I do like to have a 'flow' in my poems - not always easy with some of these short forms where strict meter is probably frowned upon. Whether that makes it better or not is up for debate!

    Thanks for the thoughtful comments.

    Steve
reply by GoodHearted Woman on 14-Sep-2016
    If you want your message on Syria to get heard and circulated, just keep putting it out there. Poetry (thus, this site) is as good a way as any. Same rules applies everywhere as the bible's parable of the seeds that are scattered. All it takes is one, to the right one. Teach us about Syria--we are eager to learn.
Comment from Adri7enne
Excellent
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Your poem brings up a lot of images in a few words. Sad state of affairs when children have to witness so much brutality that escape becomes the only alternative. Must be hell for parents. Good luck in the contest, Steve.

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
    Thank you.

    Whatever the causes of the conflict, we can be certain it is not the children's fault. Sadly, there seems to be no solution in sight.

    Steve
Comment from Sis Cat
Excellent
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This is a fine, deeply moving tanka about the plight of refugees making a "dangerous crossing" to flee a "blood-stained homeland." You used a Japanese form of poem to address a compelling issue today. Thank you for sharing and congratulations on placing third in the contest. Most of all, thank you for caring to speak about this difficult issue.

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
    Thank you.

    I am sure this is not the original purpose if a tanka, but let's just say I'm being inventive! Yes, it is an issue that needs to be kept in the public view. Sadly, there is no solution in sight.

    Steve
Comment from susanjohn
Excellent
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Farewell blood stained home...and that's all the children know...such a tragedy...unfortunately many will never have that "new hope"....very thought provoking poem Steve.

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
    Thanks, Susan.

    Yes, whatever is going on around them, it is never the children's fault - they are innocent victims of greed and bigotry and power-hungry maniacs.

    Steve
reply by susanjohn on 07-Sep-2016
    iv'e been on several mission trips...and im always amazed by the kids!!!...they have NOTHING..and yet smile...truly humbling..
Comment from papa55mike
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

What a beautifully written poem about a desperate journey to freedom. Too many children live in harms way with war raging all around them. Your poem, wonderfully brings that point out. Good luck in the contest. Have a great day and God bless.
mike

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
    Mike, thanks so much for the warm review and the six shiny stars.

    Yes, whatever is going on around them, it is never the children's fault - they are innocent victims of greed and bigotry and power-hungry maniacs.

    Steve
Comment from Kazzawin
Excellent
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In these few words you have summed up one of the most heart breaking situations of the 21st century so far. The plight of thousands of people so desperate they risk everything for a chance to survive and give their children a future.
Super photography gives depth to the words, showing children's innocent hope in the light of so many tragedies.
Great, moving piece. A joy to read, I wish you luck : )

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
    Kaza, thanks for your wonderful review.

    You are right - it is heartbreaking - more so since there is no end in sight.

    Steve
Comment from EricBrady
Excellent
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A dramatic flair, I like. This is a great entry for the contest. The syllable count is there and the pivot line is there allowing lines 1,2 and 3 to stand alone as can lines 3,4 and 5. I love the dramatic effect of crossing over the border to get away from the war torn land. Best wishes in the contest.

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
    Thanks, Eric. perhaps the dramatic is not what the tanka is all about, but like you, I like the effect.

    Steve
Comment from Kingsland
Excellent
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War and children are a bad mixture. The poor souls have no where to run and get riddled in the atrocities of war. Your poem makes me think about the wars going on in the middle east. This was a well-written poetic voice that was my pleasure to have read and written this response for... John

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
    Thanks, John.

    Yes, whatever is going on around them, it is never the children's fault - they are innocent victims of greed and bigotry and power-hungry maniacs.

    Steve
Comment from Bill O'Bier
Excellent
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Yes, it was dangerous but it was the only way to take a step toward safety. Your words are expressive and the arrangement with the artwork fits well. Thanks for sharing this piece. Good luck in this contest.

Wishing you all the best...
Bill

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
    Bill, thanks for the kind words.

    Steve