The winner
potlatch challenge prose 175 words19 total reviews
Comment from oliver818
Very nice portrayal of the horrors of war. So vivid , I
Enjoyed the way you put it all in as a long dialogue. Thanks for sharing and have a great day!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
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Very nice portrayal of the horrors of war. So vivid , I
Enjoyed the way you put it all in as a long dialogue. Thanks for sharing and have a great day!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
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The ladies can be talkers, can they not? Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your flash fiction which tells such a complete story in so few words. Your "Hindenberg" analogy is very effective, as is the "log/hog" echo plus the pathos. Well done- Joan
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016
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I admired your flash fiction which tells such a complete story in so few words. Your "Hindenberg" analogy is very effective, as is the "log/hog" echo plus the pathos. Well done- Joan
Comment Written 06-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016
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Thanks very much for reading and reviewing. Sometimes collateral damage is hard to recognize...
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Red: you painted a picture of reality of war. Talented youth go overseas to fight a war we didn't need to fight. When they come back, they are changed. Many need counseling and help. Too few get any help. I like the slept like a log and ate like a hog. He didn't laugh and didn't enjoy life. Good story. flylikeaneagle
(Saw RED at LifeLight. Good performance. So many drove for miles to come to the soybean party in South Dakota. Check them out on utube. Michael Smith and Mandisa were there too. Good time!)
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016
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Red: you painted a picture of reality of war. Talented youth go overseas to fight a war we didn't need to fight. When they come back, they are changed. Many need counseling and help. Too few get any help. I like the slept like a log and ate like a hog. He didn't laugh and didn't enjoy life. Good story. flylikeaneagle
(Saw RED at LifeLight. Good performance. So many drove for miles to come to the soybean party in South Dakota. Check them out on utube. Michael Smith and Mandisa were there too. Good time!)
Comment Written 05-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016
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Sounds like a great Labor Day weekend. Mine was, by choice, very quiet. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from robyn corum
Wow. Lige, this is so sad and really powerful. I'm sure there's WAY too much truth in here, too. For the poor guys who go to fight for us, come back changed and lost. So sad. Thanks!
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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Wow. Lige, this is so sad and really powerful. I'm sure there's WAY too much truth in here, too. For the poor guys who go to fight for us, come back changed and lost. So sad. Thanks!
Comment Written 05-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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War never leaves a pretty bootprint. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing, Robyn.
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is really short and I think it could be revised and put into a haibun. It would be great as a haibun but a bit short and choppy for a story.
Teresa
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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This is really short and I think it could be revised and put into a haibun. It would be great as a haibun but a bit short and choppy for a story.
Teresa
Comment Written 05-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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It's a potlatch prose challenge entry, the changes in the man who went away to war. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing. I hoped it would stand as a flash-fiction story.
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi LIJRED.
We are all affected by war whether we are fighting it or picking up the pieces after it. We are all victims and your short story tells that very well. Even for the un-born child its life will change before it is born. A great read that was direct and precise, just as war is.
A great read.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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Hi LIJRED.
We are all affected by war whether we are fighting it or picking up the pieces after it. We are all victims and your short story tells that very well. Even for the un-born child its life will change before it is born. A great read that was direct and precise, just as war is.
A great read.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 05-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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Thanks very much for reading and reviewing my effort at the challenge.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Well I don't think I like this woman much, Red. Compassion didn't come into her scope of things, but I guess some people are like this. You did well to tell us this story in only 175 words. An interesting write for this challenge.
cheers,
valda.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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Well I don't think I like this woman much, Red. Compassion didn't come into her scope of things, but I guess some people are like this. You did well to tell us this story in only 175 words. An interesting write for this challenge.
cheers,
valda.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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Thanks very much for reading and reviewing. This is the way it happened with most of my kinsmen who went to war.
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That is very sad to think that.
Comment from michaelcahill
That's a perfect vignette if I ever read one. Every word is essential and the whole story is told completely and concisely. You've captured what happens so often. Few wise up and see the handwriting on the wall though, the just live a less than happy life. She was uncommonly wise or maybe just luckily selfish. LOL mikey
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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That's a perfect vignette if I ever read one. Every word is essential and the whole story is told completely and concisely. You've captured what happens so often. Few wise up and see the handwriting on the wall though, the just live a less than happy life. She was uncommonly wise or maybe just luckily selfish. LOL mikey
Comment Written 05-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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Thanks very much for reading and reviewing. My kinsmen who went to war usually ended up like this.
Comment from Jay Squires
Dammit, man, but I liked this potlatch prose piece. This is one of those pieces that is better off all in a paragraph, rather than spread out. It has impact and unexpectedness.
Great job, Red.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Dammit, man, but I liked this potlatch prose piece. This is one of those pieces that is better off all in a paragraph, rather than spread out. It has impact and unexpectedness.
Great job, Red.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Thanks, Jay, for reading and reviewing my attempts at writing. This one was on the prompt how war changes a man through a before and after look. As the hill folk say, "muchybliged."
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Yeah, so often so true. I don't know how anyone could go to war and not be terribly changed. An interesting approach to have the ex-wife describe the change. Good work, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Yeah, so often so true. I don't know how anyone could go to war and not be terribly changed. An interesting approach to have the ex-wife describe the change. Good work, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Nobody escapes unchanged. And yet, formal, declared war has been replaced by something more horrible...guerilla war, or terrorism, where the innocent are the targets. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Who sees the changes more clearly than a spouse?
