Night Caresses Day
A Shakespearean Sonnet52 total reviews
Comment from NHazelwood
The images make the reader feel like they are sitting on the edge of the dock watching the wakes past by. And enjoying the final moments of another warm Summer day.This is a masterfully written sonnet following A,B,A,B rhyme scheme.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2017
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The images make the reader feel like they are sitting on the edge of the dock watching the wakes past by. And enjoying the final moments of another warm Summer day.This is a masterfully written sonnet following A,B,A,B rhyme scheme.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2017
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Thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I appreciate your comments.
Blessings
Janet
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Dear Janet, You are a well versed poem look forward to seeing more of your work!
-Nichelle
Thank you Nichelle and welcome too FS.
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Thank you! :)
Comment from rama devi
Congrats on placing in the contest with this beautiful sonnet, my friend. The tone and tenor of theme and imagery are exquisite. I love the rhyme of masquerade and fade! Nice personification of colors in the first stanza. Very fine volta and composition style.
Outstanding phonetics make this sound great read aloud--not listing all nuances, but my favorite lines are:
obscuring moon and stars in smoky dye,
thus leaving me alone to masquerade.
Fine simile here:
then fade to darkness like a closing door.
*
By way of critique, I think using fade twice in one sonnet is not ideal..consider a synonym to replace the first one in line four.
*
no cap on while in line two:
Long summer days drop slowly into night
W(w)hile hues of gold caress the distant shore.
*
The moon emerges from its hiding place.(Comma not period)
with glow that causes evening stars to wake--
I like the way this sounds read aloud:
to blink and shine in silvery embrace,
and rouse the other stars on heaven's lake.
that cause my dreams to wither, wane and fade;(,)
obscuring moon and stars in smoky dye,
*optional suggestion:
Still(,) hope resides in every setting sun --
LOVE the closing AHA:
when night caresses day, they dream as one.
I am surprised no one else mentioned those nits! However, I am glad the judges did not notice them, anyway! Gorgeous sonnet.
Fine presentation too.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Congrats on placing in the contest with this beautiful sonnet, my friend. The tone and tenor of theme and imagery are exquisite. I love the rhyme of masquerade and fade! Nice personification of colors in the first stanza. Very fine volta and composition style.
Outstanding phonetics make this sound great read aloud--not listing all nuances, but my favorite lines are:
obscuring moon and stars in smoky dye,
thus leaving me alone to masquerade.
Fine simile here:
then fade to darkness like a closing door.
*
By way of critique, I think using fade twice in one sonnet is not ideal..consider a synonym to replace the first one in line four.
*
no cap on while in line two:
Long summer days drop slowly into night
W(w)hile hues of gold caress the distant shore.
*
The moon emerges from its hiding place.(Comma not period)
with glow that causes evening stars to wake--
I like the way this sounds read aloud:
to blink and shine in silvery embrace,
and rouse the other stars on heaven's lake.
that cause my dreams to wither, wane and fade;(,)
obscuring moon and stars in smoky dye,
*optional suggestion:
Still(,) hope resides in every setting sun --
LOVE the closing AHA:
when night caresses day, they dream as one.
I am surprised no one else mentioned those nits! However, I am glad the judges did not notice them, anyway! Gorgeous sonnet.
Fine presentation too.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thank you rd for the congrats and your helpful review. I always appreciate your constructive reviews. I will change those items immediately. I know the contest is over but I want my sonnet to be a correct as possible anyway.
Thank you again and have a good day.
Blessings
Janet
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Thanks for your kind response, dear Janet Hope you have a good day too! Love and Blessings, rd
Comment from Caressa_08
Well, another one to bookmark with my desire one of these days to come up with a good sonnet and study others to do so. And am partial to the word caress, an will try to award this wonderful, rhyming poem of yours with a six when I get my stash. Oh, I tried to give you six stars for this and for some reason, it would allow me ion this Monday, Labor Day...So will try, some other time soon, & glad to see you earned that from others here already.
God Bless...Caressa_08
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Well, another one to bookmark with my desire one of these days to come up with a good sonnet and study others to do so. And am partial to the word caress, an will try to award this wonderful, rhyming poem of yours with a six when I get my stash. Oh, I tried to give you six stars for this and for some reason, it would allow me ion this Monday, Labor Day...So will try, some other time soon, & glad to see you earned that from others here already.
God Bless...Caressa_08
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Thank you Caressa for your encouraging review.
I greatly appreciate your comments and for your good wishes.
Blessings
Janet.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image and presentation.
-Sonnet meets all of the requirements.
-Good rhyme, meter, and excellent imagery.
-In the first verse I like all of the color imagery.
-In verse two the scene becomes the night, as the moon emerges.
-Excellent volta: there are shadows
"that cause my dreams to wither, wane and fade"
-Very good final couplet that leaves the reader with a positive feeling:
"when night caresses day, they dream as one."
-You have a very good entry; hope you do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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-Nice image and presentation.
-Sonnet meets all of the requirements.
-Good rhyme, meter, and excellent imagery.
-In the first verse I like all of the color imagery.
-In verse two the scene becomes the night, as the moon emerges.
-Excellent volta: there are shadows
"that cause my dreams to wither, wane and fade"
-Very good final couplet that leaves the reader with a positive feeling:
"when night caresses day, they dream as one."
-You have a very good entry; hope you do well in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Thank you for your encouraging and exceptional six star review and for your good wishes.
I greatly appreciate your comments
Blessings
Janet.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from rspoet
This is a very fine entry for the contest
with exact rhymes to the Shakespearean scheme
and very good iambic pentameter
The Volta turn is strong and the final couplet
is a fine "reflective" thought on the previous lines
The imagery is excellent and the the alliteration just right
Excellent picture to match
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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This is a very fine entry for the contest
with exact rhymes to the Shakespearean scheme
and very good iambic pentameter
The Volta turn is strong and the final couplet
is a fine "reflective" thought on the previous lines
The imagery is excellent and the the alliteration just right
Excellent picture to match
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Thank you for your encouraging and review and for your good wishes.
I greatly appreciate your comments
Blessings
Janet.
Comment from seaglass
This poem with perfect quadrants describe the natural beauty of the transition of day to night and back again. However on a deeper level it suggests our own inner transitions as our life faces both clouds and sunshine.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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This poem with perfect quadrants describe the natural beauty of the transition of day to night and back again. However on a deeper level it suggests our own inner transitions as our life faces both clouds and sunshine.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Thank you so much for the wonderful and encouraging review. A appreciate your comments.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from nancyjam
This is a gorgeous Sonnet - I wish I had a 6 left for you.
Beautifully rhymed with perfect meter.
Lovely descriptions of days end and awakening of night
through beautiful imagery.
Third stanza brings a turn in mood, but the closing
cou[plet is hopeful.
Good luck in the contest.
Nancy
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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This is a gorgeous Sonnet - I wish I had a 6 left for you.
Beautifully rhymed with perfect meter.
Lovely descriptions of days end and awakening of night
through beautiful imagery.
Third stanza brings a turn in mood, but the closing
cou[plet is hopeful.
Good luck in the contest.
Nancy
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Thank you Nancy so much for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I am so pleased with your comments.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from RGstar
Lovely Jm, lovely. The underlined contrasts in the beauty of the moment and the worries that must also dawn. You have graced a calmness in this write with vision and imagery.
I have only five for you.
have a great day.
RG
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Lovely Jm, lovely. The underlined contrasts in the beauty of the moment and the worries that must also dawn. You have graced a calmness in this write with vision and imagery.
I have only five for you.
have a great day.
RG
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Thank you RG so much for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I am so pleased with your comments.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Eternal Muse
This is a truly beautiful Skaspearean full of beautiful images. It is executed with much skill, to my delight, as a sonnet is my favorite form.
This was outstanding:
Long summer days drop slowly into night
My only peeve is the first line. "Long" is a stressed word, this iambic suffer a little in that line.
But overall, spectacular.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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This is a truly beautiful Skaspearean full of beautiful images. It is executed with much skill, to my delight, as a sonnet is my favorite form.
This was outstanding:
Long summer days drop slowly into night
My only peeve is the first line. "Long" is a stressed word, this iambic suffer a little in that line.
But overall, spectacular.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I am so pleased with your comments.
Does it weaken the line if I change "Long" to "As"?
Blessings
Janet
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"As" is perfect, it is unstressed and the iambs fall into place.
Comment from The Death
Hi J,
Your sonnet has beautiful images! I love the theme, too!
The opening stanza presents very vivid images:
Long summer days drop slowly into night
While hues of gold caress the distant shore.
Soon shades of blue and cloudy gray unite(,)
then fade to darkness like a closing door.
Fine use of alliteration! The meter is consistent throughout as well. I'd suggest using a comma as indicated in the bracket, because enjambment won't be effective to use there.
Highly visual:
The moon emerges from its hiding place.
Its glow will cause an evening star to wake--
to blink and glimmer in the moon's embrace
and rouse the other stars on heaven's lake.
You've used the word "moon" and "its" twice in the above stanza, which is too much redundancy in such a little space. It would be nice if you can come up with a tweak.
Example:
The moon emerges from its hiding place
with glow that causes evening stars to wake--
to blink and shine in silvery embrace(,)
and rouse the other stars on heaven's lake.
Please consider these as suggestions/optional changes, and think of them only if you feel like. It's your poem, of course, but I intend to share my honest thoughts.
Effective introduction of volta:
But there are shadows in the evening sky
that cause my dreams to wither, wane and fade
Obscuring moon and stars in smoky dye
and leaving me alone to masquerade.
I like the rhyme pair of fade and masquerade. Love the use of S consonance and W alliteration. Fine use of enjambment as well. The only issues I see here are that of overuse of conjunction and missing punctuation(at the end of third line).
The below example edit might help you come up with a better option:
But there are shadows in the evening sky
that cause my dreams to wither, wane and fade;
obscuring moon and stars in smoky dye(,)
thus leaving me alone to masquerade.
The concluding couplet sums up the poem well - leaving it on a note of hope:
Still hope resides in every setting sun --
when day and night caress(,) and dream as one.
However - as far as I know - "caress" is a transitive verb and needs an object, as you have it in the second line of the sonnet. So, it's grammatically inconsistent, if you intend to use it that way.
One of the ways to retain the beauty of that line without changing it much could be:
when night caresses day, they dream as one.
If you wish to keep it the original way(sort of poetic license), you should put a comma after "caress."
In terms of meter and rhyme, your sonnet is finely written. I'd have given it a six, had those issues not been there. Just a bit of tweaking is needed, IMHO. Please neglect those suggestions if you don't find them meaningful. You have the right to keep it way you like. :)
Good luck!
Regards,
Anupam
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Hi J,
Your sonnet has beautiful images! I love the theme, too!
The opening stanza presents very vivid images:
Long summer days drop slowly into night
While hues of gold caress the distant shore.
Soon shades of blue and cloudy gray unite(,)
then fade to darkness like a closing door.
Fine use of alliteration! The meter is consistent throughout as well. I'd suggest using a comma as indicated in the bracket, because enjambment won't be effective to use there.
Highly visual:
The moon emerges from its hiding place.
Its glow will cause an evening star to wake--
to blink and glimmer in the moon's embrace
and rouse the other stars on heaven's lake.
You've used the word "moon" and "its" twice in the above stanza, which is too much redundancy in such a little space. It would be nice if you can come up with a tweak.
Example:
The moon emerges from its hiding place
with glow that causes evening stars to wake--
to blink and shine in silvery embrace(,)
and rouse the other stars on heaven's lake.
Please consider these as suggestions/optional changes, and think of them only if you feel like. It's your poem, of course, but I intend to share my honest thoughts.
Effective introduction of volta:
But there are shadows in the evening sky
that cause my dreams to wither, wane and fade
Obscuring moon and stars in smoky dye
and leaving me alone to masquerade.
I like the rhyme pair of fade and masquerade. Love the use of S consonance and W alliteration. Fine use of enjambment as well. The only issues I see here are that of overuse of conjunction and missing punctuation(at the end of third line).
The below example edit might help you come up with a better option:
But there are shadows in the evening sky
that cause my dreams to wither, wane and fade;
obscuring moon and stars in smoky dye(,)
thus leaving me alone to masquerade.
The concluding couplet sums up the poem well - leaving it on a note of hope:
Still hope resides in every setting sun --
when day and night caress(,) and dream as one.
However - as far as I know - "caress" is a transitive verb and needs an object, as you have it in the second line of the sonnet. So, it's grammatically inconsistent, if you intend to use it that way.
One of the ways to retain the beauty of that line without changing it much could be:
when night caresses day, they dream as one.
If you wish to keep it the original way(sort of poetic license), you should put a comma after "caress."
In terms of meter and rhyme, your sonnet is finely written. I'd have given it a six, had those issues not been there. Just a bit of tweaking is needed, IMHO. Please neglect those suggestions if you don't find them meaningful. You have the right to keep it way you like. :)
Good luck!
Regards,
Anupam
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Thank you Anupam for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I made all the changes you suggested as I agreed wholeheartedly with them. I think my sonnet is much stronger with the changes. Still growing and learning in this area of poetry and I greatly appreciate your feedback.
Blessings
Janet
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Thanks for your kind reply, Janet! We're all learning here, as the process never ends. I'm happy to know you found the suggestions helpful. I enjoyed reading your sonnet!
Regards,
Anupam
