Lovely Stream
Awdl Gynt22 total reviews
Comment from Ogden
Superb poetry, in a form perhaps not very difficult to adhere to -
but to do so three times, coherently, without straying from the intended narrative, is a remarkable achievement!
Don
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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Superb poetry, in a form perhaps not very difficult to adhere to -
but to do so three times, coherently, without straying from the intended narrative, is a remarkable achievement!
Don
Comment Written 30-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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Don, thank you very much for your review of my Awdl Gynt. You are right, that the form is difficult to get right, so I am pleased you found this one could achieve something while sticking 'within the lines.'
Steve
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This eased me into meditation last night as it is truly blissful reading experience. This is such a heavenly form which I am sure is terribly hard to write while maintain a visual paradise in the wording. I wish you the best in the voting (you got mine) and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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This eased me into meditation last night as it is truly blissful reading experience. This is such a heavenly form which I am sure is terribly hard to write while maintain a visual paradise in the wording. I wish you the best in the voting (you got mine) and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Angel. thank you very much for the lovely review and the six shiny stars - I am very glad that you enjoyed this poem so much.
Yes it is a very tough contest, and there were some fine entries.
Steve
Comment from Treischel
An outstanding poetic reverie that smoothly transitions the present cavorting youth to memories those times before and fated youth gone off to war. You executed this complex structure with finesse. The rhyming was exquisite. The story compelling. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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An outstanding poetic reverie that smoothly transitions the present cavorting youth to memories those times before and fated youth gone off to war. You executed this complex structure with finesse. The rhyming was exquisite. The story compelling. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the kind words. It's a tough form, but I'm happy to think I wrangled the beast into shape.
Steve
Comment from Eternal Muse
Oh, Steve, you are such a genius! This poem is sheer perfection.
In a form which is so complex we had to create a color chart to make people understand the cross rhymes, your words flow effortlessly and such such ease. As if you were writing Audl Gynt since you were a child (smile). Amazing work.
The village boys all laugh and shout;
they leap and dive and splash about.
All care is banished, put to rout,
in fun throughout the day.
Loved it!
There is musicality about this form I find enchanting, and you can sing those stanzas!
You never disappoint. Your quality is above par.
Good luck in the booths.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Oh, Steve, you are such a genius! This poem is sheer perfection.
In a form which is so complex we had to create a color chart to make people understand the cross rhymes, your words flow effortlessly and such such ease. As if you were writing Audl Gynt since you were a child (smile). Amazing work.
The village boys all laugh and shout;
they leap and dive and splash about.
All care is banished, put to rout,
in fun throughout the day.
Loved it!
There is musicality about this form I find enchanting, and you can sing those stanzas!
You never disappoint. Your quality is above par.
Good luck in the booths.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Well I have to say that there was no ease involved in this. There are a couple of outstanding entries, and they do make it look easy, but getting those pesky rhyme in the right place was a struggle. I even caught Pantygynt out!
However, the struggle was worth it, because eventually it pushed me into the war theme at the end of my poem, and I really like how this ended up.
Thanks, as always, for the high praise and the six stars...
Steve
Comment from Pantygynt
This is superb. The theme works so well with the form that seems capable of adapting from the lads splashing about with gay abandon, through the writer's ruminations, to the horrors of war. For me it echoes a similar idea to that lying behind my "Five Minutes on the Somme" sequence. I am particularly pleased that the form is adaptable enough to cope with all the many ideas that this contest has brought up and that it can cope with such a turn as you have here while retaining strict adherence to the form gives me the greatest pleasure. Thank you for this and well done indeed.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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This is superb. The theme works so well with the form that seems capable of adapting from the lads splashing about with gay abandon, through the writer's ruminations, to the horrors of war. For me it echoes a similar idea to that lying behind my "Five Minutes on the Somme" sequence. I am particularly pleased that the form is adaptable enough to cope with all the many ideas that this contest has brought up and that it can cope with such a turn as you have here while retaining strict adherence to the form gives me the greatest pleasure. Thank you for this and well done indeed.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Gynt, thanks very much for the appreciative review. Perhaps I should thank the form - as happens sometimes, the requirement for particular rhyming patterns is what led to the unfolding of the 'story' of the poem. It was definitely a struggle to get those pesky cross-rhymes working. I had no idea, when starting, that this was going to end up as a war poem!
Yes, there are some great examples of the form in the contest - I was impressed with the number of people who managed the feat, having experienced just what it takes.
Thanks a lot for the six stars, too.
Steve
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A lot of them had several goes. Yeltel reviewed and I then helped them get it right -- like you helped me this morning. Oops.
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Steve,
this is quite a powerful poem. To start with happy go lucky care free play to boys a from the past grown up and lost to war. That is so sad but beautifully penned. I think you have a winner here. Good luck in the contest.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Steve,
this is quite a powerful poem. To start with happy go lucky care free play to boys a from the past grown up and lost to war. That is so sad but beautifully penned. I think you have a winner here. Good luck in the contest.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Brenda, thanks for the great review and the six stars - much appreciated.
Steve
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a finely written poem that I enjoyed reading. Flows well throughout with good rhyming. Nice transition from the park to the pen to the purpose of your poem. Marilyn
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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This is a finely written poem that I enjoyed reading. Flows well throughout with good rhyming. Nice transition from the park to the pen to the purpose of your poem. Marilyn
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Marilyn. Looks like being a good competition, if they ever get it into the booth.
Steve
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Steve
WOW! I'd never have the patience or the meter know-how for one of these. I'm so impressed with your talent here. A lovely ramble, to a favourite swimming hole and then you take us back to the days, when young men, far to young, laughed and enjoyed such simple pleasure, only to be lost on foreign shores. Smooth as silk flows this poem, great descriptives. You are a master of rhyme and rhythm. I feel your poem reads a little as a gentle wander following the stream through the woods. I hear the laughter of the boys splashing. I imagined and also remembered some of my fave spots to quietly read ... and how fortunate to have had so much pleasure and freedom in my youth, especially when it come to an appreciation of nature and close affinity with it. I then visualised the pain and desecration caused by war, always some stupid reason, mostly power and greed. A poignant ending, yet a fine tribute to appreciate the splendour we have been given, the gratitude, and remembrance for those who lost their lives and never found foot by that lovely stream again. Beautifully written. I expect you to be a strong contender for the win here Steve. I wish you the best of luck and will seek out the booths. Wishing you the best of luck. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Steve
WOW! I'd never have the patience or the meter know-how for one of these. I'm so impressed with your talent here. A lovely ramble, to a favourite swimming hole and then you take us back to the days, when young men, far to young, laughed and enjoyed such simple pleasure, only to be lost on foreign shores. Smooth as silk flows this poem, great descriptives. You are a master of rhyme and rhythm. I feel your poem reads a little as a gentle wander following the stream through the woods. I hear the laughter of the boys splashing. I imagined and also remembered some of my fave spots to quietly read ... and how fortunate to have had so much pleasure and freedom in my youth, especially when it come to an appreciation of nature and close affinity with it. I then visualised the pain and desecration caused by war, always some stupid reason, mostly power and greed. A poignant ending, yet a fine tribute to appreciate the splendour we have been given, the gratitude, and remembrance for those who lost their lives and never found foot by that lovely stream again. Beautifully written. I expect you to be a strong contender for the win here Steve. I wish you the best of luck and will seek out the booths. Wishing you the best of luck. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Lovi, thanks for the great review and the obvious understanding of the heart of the poem.
You are absolutely right that these are not easy to do - I had to wrestle with this for some time - and under a bit of time pressure. I was impressed to see that others have also conquered this beast of a form, with only a couple of entries really showing the strain of managing all the rhymes AND the meter AND making sense...
One of those poems that led me where it wanted. I had no idea of the war theme until I was halfway through stanza 2.
Steve
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Funny where our muse can take us! lol I've only read a few entries so far, I am impressed with what I have read. Nothing like a well fought win! Don't even mention meter, meter and more meter, I'll have a seizure. Keeping my fingers crossed for you ... and my eyes, and everything else that crosses. :)) Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment from tfawcus
Damn! This is good! I thought I might have been in with half a chance for a moment but, as usual, you have upstaged me! You have used the rhythmic flow of the form to such good effect. In some ways it parallels the flow of the stream. The contrast between the idyllic scene of today and the tragedy of the past war that decimated such small villages, is dramatic. Decimated, of course, is not the right word here, for many such rural communities lost many more than a tenth of those who went to war. It goes without saying that this would gain six stars if I had them.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Damn! This is good! I thought I might have been in with half a chance for a moment but, as usual, you have upstaged me! You have used the rhythmic flow of the form to such good effect. In some ways it parallels the flow of the stream. The contrast between the idyllic scene of today and the tragedy of the past war that decimated such small villages, is dramatic. Decimated, of course, is not the right word here, for many such rural communities lost many more than a tenth of those who went to war. It goes without saying that this would gain six stars if I had them.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Tony.
I would like to say that I deliberately echoed the flow of the stream, but let's just call it serendipity... The war theme, as well, arose out of my wrangling with rhymes, rather than any intent.
I have had a look at the other entries, most of which are quite impressive. I liked yours, too, with its feng Shui inspiration. I haven't had a chance to review any of them yet, although I did manage to send Pantygynt a note that he had two of his cross-rhymes in the wrong place!
Steve
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I've had to make major changes to the second half of mine, as the CEC didn't approve of my man/yang/sang/Pan rhyming. They have been kind enough to give me the opportunity to amend it.
Comment from kathleenspalding
Excellent poem takes the reader through an assortment of emotions. Excellent tribute. Good use of artwork. I don't see anything that needs correcting. Thank you for writing and sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Excellent poem takes the reader through an assortment of emotions. Excellent tribute. Good use of artwork. I don't see anything that needs correcting. Thank you for writing and sharing.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Kathleen, thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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You're welcome.
