Not-So-Perfect Crime
Non-Fiction Contest Entry28 total reviews
Comment from jpduck
Utterly glorious! Brilliantly done. I adore the wonderfully relaxed narrative style you so appropriately adopted for this story.
There was, for me, just one puzzle: Assuming 'my cricket team' was the school team, why was this important match arranged to coincide with a weekend when Carruth was closed? Didn't other team members have the same problem? A trivial matter, I know, but still a puzzle.
On the rare occasions when you write prose, I always find myself wondering why you don't do it more often. I'm sure you are a great poet (as you know, I wouldn't know). But, give us a break; you're a fine prose writer as well.
Typos/SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'and keeping your stupid*,* bloody mouth shut'
'My secret[.]*,* it seemed, was safe'
Apologies for the delay in reviewing this; I have been away in Wales for a few days. On the return journey, a timber lorry destroyed the off-side of my car, and followed this up by burying itself in the car behind mine. Happily no-one was hurt. The car's a write-off, and I have been struggling with insurers, etc since then. Life is a jolly adventure, is it not?
Adrian
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Utterly glorious! Brilliantly done. I adore the wonderfully relaxed narrative style you so appropriately adopted for this story.
There was, for me, just one puzzle: Assuming 'my cricket team' was the school team, why was this important match arranged to coincide with a weekend when Carruth was closed? Didn't other team members have the same problem? A trivial matter, I know, but still a puzzle.
On the rare occasions when you write prose, I always find myself wondering why you don't do it more often. I'm sure you are a great poet (as you know, I wouldn't know). But, give us a break; you're a fine prose writer as well.
Typos/SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'and keeping your stupid*,* bloody mouth shut'
'My secret[.]*,* it seemed, was safe'
Apologies for the delay in reviewing this; I have been away in Wales for a few days. On the return journey, a timber lorry destroyed the off-side of my car, and followed this up by burying itself in the car behind mine. Happily no-one was hurt. The car's a write-off, and I have been struggling with insurers, etc since then. Life is a jolly adventure, is it not?
Adrian
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Adrian, thanks so much for the wonderful review and the six stars. Relaxed narrative style sounds pretty damn good to me, but I'll have you know that writing this stuff is twice as hard for me as squeezing out a poem - most poems, anyway! I think you've made the same comment before, and I really have thought about it, but I have to have the time and the inspiration...
Thanks for the sharp eye, as well. I thought I'd already foxed a couple of those, but obviously not.
Sorry to hear about your accident. We have great behemoths of logging trucks on the road here, and they have had far too many capsizes, spills and near misses for my liking. My wife is a very nervous passenger at the best of times (we had a serious accident involving a large lorry 35 years ago) so these things don't make for pleasant trips.
All jolly adventures, eh? I think I've just about had enough of those for one lifetime.
Steve
Comment from Mabaker
That was very clever. Well written and worthy of five stars. I hope you continue with some more Carruth adventures. I was raised in a Catholic Orphanage I hated it from the time I could understand there was a world of freedom just beyond the eight foot walls. So boarding school sounds very like that to me. But I liked your story better. Regards Mabaker.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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That was very clever. Well written and worthy of five stars. I hope you continue with some more Carruth adventures. I was raised in a Catholic Orphanage I hated it from the time I could understand there was a world of freedom just beyond the eight foot walls. So boarding school sounds very like that to me. But I liked your story better. Regards Mabaker.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the kind words. I was actually kind of happy most of the time at boarding school. Lots of rules and routines, of course, but at least I didn't have to get up at 5.30 to go and milk cows, and our weekends were pretty much our own - no chores apart from the basic ones like 'make your bed.'
Steve
Comment from janalma
I loved this story of intrigue and terror. Your terror, that is, when you thought you'd be outed. Oh, for the energy and imagination of youth! And the damn-foolishness. Lol. While I know this story is educational and serious, I still grinned as I read. A lot of fun. You seem to have a knack for saying things humorously.
One tiny nit--My secret{.} it seemed, was safe; nobody
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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I loved this story of intrigue and terror. Your terror, that is, when you thought you'd be outed. Oh, for the energy and imagination of youth! And the damn-foolishness. Lol. While I know this story is educational and serious, I still grinned as I read. A lot of fun. You seem to have a knack for saying things humorously.
One tiny nit--My secret{.} it seemed, was safe; nobody
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Jan - I don't think I've ever done anything quite this silly since.... well, maybe that's not quite true!
Steve
Comment from damommy
This is a great story. I have three sons, and I can see them doing something like this. They never got in any trouble, but they were adventurous.
Hopefully, you were never found out at home. The mother who helped you was an exception.
I started reading this and couldn't stop. I'd like to hear more of your stories. I think you write very well. 8-)
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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This is a great story. I have three sons, and I can see them doing something like this. They never got in any trouble, but they were adventurous.
Hopefully, you were never found out at home. The mother who helped you was an exception.
I started reading this and couldn't stop. I'd like to hear more of your stories. I think you write very well. 8-)
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks for the great review and the six stars.
No, I never did tell my parents about this one, and the school never found out either.
Steve
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What fun for a young man, you were very brave to have stayed in that shed even if only for one night. And, you were really lucky it was Bazza's mum and not someone else's who probably would have 'blabbed' LOL. This is a lovely boys story, and I'm sure you have loads more to tell. At least, I hope you have, and do! Good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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What fun for a young man, you were very brave to have stayed in that shed even if only for one night. And, you were really lucky it was Bazza's mum and not someone else's who probably would have 'blabbed' LOL. This is a lovely boys story, and I'm sure you have loads more to tell. At least, I hope you have, and do! Good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Sandra.
Funny, I don't really remember being afraid at all of sleeping there. Looking back, I can see that it SHOULD have been scary!
Steve
Comment from MTF1955
that was great and took some B---s!. I would have been scared you what. First sound of a creature I would have been out of there. I admire your daring and your story. God bless Bazza's mom. Mary
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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that was great and took some B---s!. I would have been scared you what. First sound of a creature I would have been out of there. I admire your daring and your story. God bless Bazza's mom. Mary
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks for the kind words.
I don't know about B---s! Just didn't even consider the possible consequences!
Steve
Comment from Ric Myworld
Your antics resemble many of those I'm sure most of us can relate to. Young people do the most foolish things, and I know well, because of doing more than my fair share. Of course, they do make for wonderful and entertaining stories for later in life. Especially, when they are so well written. Great job, and good luck in the contest. :-)
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Your antics resemble many of those I'm sure most of us can relate to. Young people do the most foolish things, and I know well, because of doing more than my fair share. Of course, they do make for wonderful and entertaining stories for later in life. Especially, when they are so well written. Great job, and good luck in the contest. :-)
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the glowing comments. I'll have to try and remember some of the other silly stuff I got up to.
Steve
Comment from Kooky Clown
Good story it just goes to show what kind of things some children managed to get away with in a time when it would appear that things weren't quite so controlled in the way of children or youngsters being allowed to play freely.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Good story it just goes to show what kind of things some children managed to get away with in a time when it would appear that things weren't quite so controlled in the way of children or youngsters being allowed to play freely.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Kooky.
Steve
Comment from dmt1967
Wow, that was an adventure and good on Bazza's Mum. I think my adventures pale in comparison lol. This is a fine story and thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest and have a great weekend.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Wow, that was an adventure and good on Bazza's Mum. I think my adventures pale in comparison lol. This is a fine story and thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest and have a great weekend.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks for the very kind words.
Steve
Comment from Dawn Munro
"...shoe-laces (double hyphen needed) after all..."
"...trapdoor in the floor <(check this punctuation)
"...I will have to state (no comma needed here) that I remember..."
Wow, Steve, you are so talented! I was riveted, and enjoyed this immensely. (I should not have read it - I am in short supply of sixes already. Drat! LOL)
Oh wait - DOUBLE drat. I entered this contest. (*smile*)
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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"...shoe-laces (double hyphen needed) after all..."
"...trapdoor in the floor <(check this punctuation)
"...I will have to state (no comma needed here) that I remember..."
Wow, Steve, you are so talented! I was riveted, and enjoyed this immensely. (I should not have read it - I am in short supply of sixes already. Drat! LOL)
Oh wait - DOUBLE drat. I entered this contest. (*smile*)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Dawn, thanks for the glowing review, the sharp eye and the six lovely stars.
Steve
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Always a pleasure, Steve.
