Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

I can't remember a naani's requirements, Val, but I assume you've followed them. ;-)

You make THREE very intelligent observations of love here, in the 'sea' metaphor - it can be, 'wild', I usually does, 'crest and ebb', and empty hearts ('shells') are often left in its wake.

Maybe, 'to leave behind empty shells', rather than the 'passive', 'leaving'.

Truly excellent!

Cheers, Ray xx

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016

Ray, I just tried to up grade your haibun to a six, but either I'm out of them or I'm doing something wrong. I like the change you made sorry I couldn't deliver on my promise.
I like the change you suggest here, and I'll see if it fits the syllable count. Thank you for taking the time to review. Hugs Val

reply by Domino 2 on 18-Jul-2016

I knew you can't upgrade to, or downgrade from, a six, Val, but I didn't mention it in case you thought I was pressing for an upgrade, but thanks for the kind thought.

Thanks also for your gracious reply, my friend. Ray xx

Comment from Sherechita

Exceptional

After reading this my first response was "Ah". It was gentle and soft and simple. It has a powerful meaning and was well said.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Oh, you really have made my day, as really like this one myself LOL. I appreciate the fact that you really "got" my naani, as many don't really get the form. Thank for liking "Empty Shells" enough to give a six. Have a wonderful day.

Comment from flylikeaneagle

Excellent

Beautiful photo of the sea and shells. Yes, we meet a person. Is this the one???
Up and down and empty when they leave. Maybe, we need to discover ourselves
as a date. Then, when we are joy filled, we have more joy to share. Great poem.
flylikeaneagle

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Beautiful review. I do agree with your philosophy here, but I don't believe many of get away without a a broken heart. Thank you for taking so much time for "Empty Shells"

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This Naani, Empty Shells, with its twenty-two syllables, does an excellent job of using the ocean tide metaphor to show the sad result of some relationships. Great job.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Thank you so much for "getting" my little naani! This was a wonderful review.

Comment from jlsavell

Excellent

author,

I think this naani says quite a bit in its short burst. Its philosophical statement is transcendent through time and cultures. well done and best wishes with the contest... jlsavell

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016

This is such a very insightful review - I am impressed. I get so tired of the trite review for the 32 cents, that this was a pleasure to read. Thank you.

reply by jlsavell on 16-Jul-2016

thank you. It was a short review, but this work was potent in its execution and so well voiced,

Comment from darkmoonbaby

Excellent

This is a beautiful piece of poetry that is well written and presented in such a pretty way. I saw nothing at all that I would even remotely consider changing or editing. There were no errors or mistakes. It appears to follow the rules/requirements of the contest. Best of luck to you!

DMB

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016

Thank you so much for this lovely review!

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Good format.
-You have a continuous thought,
which I think is effective.
-Great imagery:
"like the wild blue sea"
[very vivid with use of "wild"]
-Good comparison between love
and the waves.
-Good concluding line.
-Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016

Thank you for "getting" my intention with this naani

reply by Pam (respa) on 17-Jul-2016

You are very welcome; you wrote a good naani.

Comment from rspoet

Excellent

This is a fine entry for the contest
correct to the form in syllables
excellent imagery of the the sea
used as a metaphor for love
A fine picture to match, though a bit small
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016

I don't like the pictures to be larger than the words. None the less thank you for the lovely review

Comment from jusylee72

Good

Nice Nani, It tells a whole love story in only four lines. The waves of love, the shells it leaves. It is very descriptive and I truly enjoyed it. Thank you for the poem.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016

thank you

Comment from cterp

Excellent

Lovely. Good naani, good imagery, good word choice, good line breaks, just good. Good that it's about love, and that it so cleverly uses empty shells.

chris

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016

Thank you for the review.