Comment from seaglass

Excellent

Ok, now that Ive read the first, it makes good sense. Wow, this guy's a real jerk. There are a number of these scammers in America. They prey on widows with inheritances. Seldom get caught cause it's hard to prove the woman didn't willingly give the money rather than being tricked.

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2016

Ahh, thanks for reading this first part. I'm so glad you like the story. All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment from bob cullen

Excellent

Just as good as part two.
You write really well. I see in your comments you have the ambition to write a novel. I believe you have the talent and this little story has the potential to be stretched into that novel you dream about. Good luck.

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2016

I'm so sorry to be this late in answering, but Internet has been playing up. I so appreciate the review. All the best.Ulla:))

Comment from Judy Couch

Excellent

You told the story well. The setting was great and the dialog between the two was a good way to bring out the details. Some women are naïve enough to fall for anything.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2016

Hi Judy, thanks so much for the great review. It's true some women are. And some con men are so good at it that they fool even the most observant. Thanks again. All the best. Ulla:))

Comment from Kay521

Excellent

A great read! Once I started, I couldn't stop until the end. The story has a nice flow, and pulled me in. I couldn't seem to read it fast enough! Well done!

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2016

Thank you so very much. Kay. I'm so glad you liked it.It actually won the contest, which I'm very pleased about. I am writing a continuation as we speak. All the best. Ulla:))

reply by Kay521 on 29-Jun-2016

Congrats!! I knew it would!

Comment from cterp

Excellent

Nice writing. Smooth transitions between present tense wine "date" and tale of woe. Excellent dialog. Believable characters. And you used the word "albeit"!! Always an extra point for that! One tiny quibble is that you twice use the phrase "thirty odd thousand" which is...odd. At least to American ears.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Thanks so much for the great review. Thirty odd .... is a very common way in British English to use in conversation. Instead of saying 'I paid twenty two pounds today' you'll often say 'I paid twenty odd pounds today' meaning just a little over a twenty pounds. I hope this clarifies it. I'm glad you like the story. All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

Nits -
1) omit "a" from "...a handsome bloke..."
2) "...each (with) their own thoughts..."
3) "Grown up in..." = "They grew up in the same..."
4) "...(had) gone to the same..."

What a sad story, and told well; so well it rings with truth. Even more tragic - it happens! Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Hi Dawn, thanks very much. I have made changes to the write. All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I am glad the prompt inspired you to imagine this sad story. The conversations among the Brits was very believable. You certainly made me want to know "what went so terribly wrong" in the promising relationship. Martin had quite a track record and Charlotte was vulnerable and totally "conned"! Cheers and best wishes in the contest- Joan

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Thanks so much, Joan. I'm glad you liked it. All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment from Zue65

Excellent

There are really evil persons who will take advantage of naive women who easily fall in love with love itself. As in the case of your story, vulnerable women easily fooled are always at the losing end. Thanks for sharing an excellent write.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

So true. Thanks a lot for the great review. All the best. Ulla:))

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Your story could be true for many. The lines flow smoothly. Your setting of the majority of the story is good. Many friends would indeed discuss these kinds of things in that setting.

You did a great job in a short space. I see no changes. Good job and thanks for sharing. Best wishes in the contest. Jan

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Hi Jan, thanks so much. I'm glad you liked it. All the best. Ulla:))

Comment from Walu Feral

Excellent

G'day Ulla. Very well written albeit a tragic story. It's amazing how often that happens.

A couple of observations...

"They both fell quiet, each in their own thoughts. Karen was the best of (her) friends." (Or maybe..."her best friend.")

"They went way back.("They had" or..."They grew up") Grown up in the same neighbourhood in the outskirts of Dublin,"

"would it be possible for me to invest that in his business, as it would be a great opportunity, and blablabla ..." (Ouch!)

This is a very good contest entry and I wish you the best of luck in it.

Cheers Fez

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Hi Fez, thanks a lot for the review. I'm glad you like my wee story. I have made amendments and hope it reads smother. All the best. Ulla:))