How to Get Lost in Italy
Hate is a universal language44 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Wow...what an experience. I loved hearing you relay it, as your recital adds drama and nuance so well. You're a gifted performer, my friend! Congrats on both wins, much deserved.
*One suggestion:
But if I had turned right, sure, I would have found sooner a meal not served on the menu at the Olive Garden, but I wouldn't have a story to tell you.
The reverse syntax 'found sooner' sounds off to my ear. I recommend "sooner found".
I would have sooner found a meal
Great closing line:
You see, I didn't become the person I am today by following maps.
I felt like that closing was also a subtle metaphor for your choice to be Gay and not follow society's 'map'. Bravo! Powerful post. So glad you shared it here.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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Wow...what an experience. I loved hearing you relay it, as your recital adds drama and nuance so well. You're a gifted performer, my friend! Congrats on both wins, much deserved.
*One suggestion:
But if I had turned right, sure, I would have found sooner a meal not served on the menu at the Olive Garden, but I wouldn't have a story to tell you.
The reverse syntax 'found sooner' sounds off to my ear. I recommend "sooner found".
I would have sooner found a meal
Great closing line:
You see, I didn't become the person I am today by following maps.
I felt like that closing was also a subtle metaphor for your choice to be Gay and not follow society's 'map'. Bravo! Powerful post. So glad you shared it here.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Rama, for your generous review and correction. I will make the changes. The audience and I had a lot of fun with this story. It is hard to believe I performed it a month and a half ago. I am performing so many stories, that my pace amaze me. By the time Saturday ends, I would have performed five different stories at three events this week. I look forward to sharing more of my scripts on FanStory so they can get a second life.
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You're amazing, my friend. I am so glad you're active here on FS! Hugs, rd
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing your scary but satisfying, after-hours' adventure in Sienna. I particularly admired your flash back with its "Venetian masks" and "grenade" metaphors and your conclusion the "Hate is a universal language". Continue life's journey without maps! I am pleased your story has been so well received. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Thank you for sharing your scary but satisfying, after-hours' adventure in Sienna. I particularly admired your flash back with its "Venetian masks" and "grenade" metaphors and your conclusion the "Hate is a universal language". Continue life's journey without maps! I am pleased your story has been so well received. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 16-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Joan, for your review. This is the first time I won two cash awards for the same story. It won for both the live and the written version. Now I am working on performing my last story. I am cheered that you enjoyed my "old" story. Thanks again.
Comment from Bananafish308
Awesome, Sis Cat. I absolutely loved this. Your description of wandering through Sienna lost is vivid and evocative - I felt like I was there right along side you. Your encounter with the vile bigots was harrowing and disgusting. You have an engaging style that is very enjoyable to read. I also enjoyed the humorous touches, such as, "Whichever horse loses the Palio ends up in this pasta."
I loved the closing lines:
"And sometimes, the best adventures in life are unplanned. You see, I didn't become the person I am today by following maps."
Very profound, my friend. Great job!
Bill
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Awesome, Sis Cat. I absolutely loved this. Your description of wandering through Sienna lost is vivid and evocative - I felt like I was there right along side you. Your encounter with the vile bigots was harrowing and disgusting. You have an engaging style that is very enjoyable to read. I also enjoyed the humorous touches, such as, "Whichever horse loses the Palio ends up in this pasta."
I loved the closing lines:
"And sometimes, the best adventures in life are unplanned. You see, I didn't become the person I am today by following maps."
Very profound, my friend. Great job!
Bill
Comment Written 31-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Bill, I am quite thrilled by your generous, six star review and that I won a second award for this story. My first award was when I won a live storytelling contest in Oakland. Thank you for your encouragement.
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You are very welcome, Sis Cat. Congratulations on your second place finish. It was well deserved. Bill
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Thank you, Bill, for the congrats. This is the second award my story has received. In June, the live version won third in the Story Showdown. This is the first time I had a double win for one story. Thanks.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Andre
I read this ages ago and put you up in a tab to come back when I had six stars. ... Disaster ... I had to restore my computer and lost those I was saving. Anyway, I've just realised I'm on my last star and I just wanted this story to have it. :)))
You've shown your sense of humour and fun in the 'getting lost' part of this story. Oh how many stories would be told of this by many who've travelled abroad. At least you got fed in the end. LOL ... horse no less ... I haven't tried that, but I've eaten crocodile and snake, does that count? :))) This contains so much of your wit and you put so much of your own personality into your stories, which I think is what makes them so special.
As usual, you seem to always provide an insight or some valuable message in your stories. Such an awful experience on the train station ... indeed in some places (in any part of the world) you and your partner may well have been injured or worse.
I think you did the right thing in keeping your story exclusively in Italy. Of course, any mass killing, and such a tragedy as in Orlando is important and has its own significance. I enjoyed your story very much. Hugs - Lovi xoxox
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2016
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Hi Andre
I read this ages ago and put you up in a tab to come back when I had six stars. ... Disaster ... I had to restore my computer and lost those I was saving. Anyway, I've just realised I'm on my last star and I just wanted this story to have it. :)))
You've shown your sense of humour and fun in the 'getting lost' part of this story. Oh how many stories would be told of this by many who've travelled abroad. At least you got fed in the end. LOL ... horse no less ... I haven't tried that, but I've eaten crocodile and snake, does that count? :))) This contains so much of your wit and you put so much of your own personality into your stories, which I think is what makes them so special.
As usual, you seem to always provide an insight or some valuable message in your stories. Such an awful experience on the train station ... indeed in some places (in any part of the world) you and your partner may well have been injured or worse.
I think you did the right thing in keeping your story exclusively in Italy. Of course, any mass killing, and such a tragedy as in Orlando is important and has its own significance. I enjoyed your story very much. Hugs - Lovi xoxox
Comment Written 05-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Lovinia, for your generous, six star review. I need to begin rehearsal for my final performance of my story next week. I already placed third at a storytelling contest two weeks ago and won my first $50. I am glad that my wit and valuable message shown through. Thank you for your review.
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Hi Andre
I'm so thrilled ... nothing like a win to spur one on. Even third is great in my books. Good luck for your next performance ... you do have a fine talent for this kind of poetry/writing. I was thinking about your dance performance, I think you said in August. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed, it would be wonderful if your poem for your mother is selected. I've been lost in Taiwan. Hahahah! Hugs - Lovi xoxo
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Yes, Lovinia, it would be wonderful if my mother's poem were selected. That would be a trip. I will let you know in August.
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Thank you. It would be fantastic. L oxoxo
Comment from I am Cat
Hello Andre',
You know... I am reminded, every day how much hate is in the world... but also, how much love. Especially, when people like us come together on a site like this, able to just interact, as humans, as poets, as writers, because in the end, that's what we are.
How very scary, not to just be able to leave your room, walk around a city, and just 'be'... I 'feel' the same way, being a woman, afraid much of the time, but I realize, it's NOT the same... I am not HATED, I am not scorned, I'm just a target for some. Or perhaps I just FEEL like one, you know? But for these things to still happen in our world... it makes me SO sad, angry, and disheartened... just when you think that people are BIGGER than this... you realize, no. No they aren't.
I, for one, am honored to 'know' you... and to 'hear' and read your work... you enlighten, you entertain, and you educate me. And you fill me with hope.
I enjoyed your story, and I wish you great success in the contest... AND with life in general. Hugs and love,
cat
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016
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Hello Andre',
You know... I am reminded, every day how much hate is in the world... but also, how much love. Especially, when people like us come together on a site like this, able to just interact, as humans, as poets, as writers, because in the end, that's what we are.
How very scary, not to just be able to leave your room, walk around a city, and just 'be'... I 'feel' the same way, being a woman, afraid much of the time, but I realize, it's NOT the same... I am not HATED, I am not scorned, I'm just a target for some. Or perhaps I just FEEL like one, you know? But for these things to still happen in our world... it makes me SO sad, angry, and disheartened... just when you think that people are BIGGER than this... you realize, no. No they aren't.
I, for one, am honored to 'know' you... and to 'hear' and read your work... you enlighten, you entertain, and you educate me. And you fill me with hope.
I enjoyed your story, and I wish you great success in the contest... AND with life in general. Hugs and love,
cat
Comment Written 01-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Cat, for your generous, thoughtful review. After the shooting in Orlando, I contemplated pulling out of the Story Showdown because only gay, lesbian, and transgender storytellers were booked for the event for gay pride month and I feared we would be killed if we congregate. I decided to go ahead, realizing and accepting that I could be killed. One storyteller dropped out and had to be replaced. Despite my best efforts in promoting, we did not sell out the event because a quarter of the audience stayed away. Nevertheless, I placed third in the contest and won my first $50.00 cash prize. It haunts me to know that I have to now be concerned for my safety and that of my audience when I perform.
Thank you for your generous, kind support. I have one more performance of this story followed by the FanStory non-fiction contest. Thanks.
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Cat, I just posted the video of my story. I am thrilled the performed version placed third and the written version placed second. I am moving up. Enjoy and thank you.
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I'm thrilled it has as well, so did you post the video here? Or on YouTube?
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Cat, it is on YouTube, but I posted it in the author's notes of my story as well.
Comment from Ulla
Well you've coined it. That's what travelling is about, Adventure,. discover the place you're at and take all the flavours in. I;ve been travelling all my life and seen a good deal of the world. You did very well and you've also written a great tale about it. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Well you've coined it. That's what travelling is about, Adventure,. discover the place you're at and take all the flavours in. I;ve been travelling all my life and seen a good deal of the world. You did very well and you've also written a great tale about it. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you, Ulla, I agree. Travel is about adventure. I wish to do more of it and write more great tales. Thank you for your review which is probably the last that this story receives before the certificate expires. I have turned my attention to rehearsing for my performance of my story on Thursday night. Thank you for wishing me all the best in my travels, writing, and storytelling.
Comment from enitsalemap
I love this memoir piece. It makes me want to travel to Italy and lose my map. It revealed your heart and will make anyone who reads this realize the depth of the many "phobias" we have about each other. The more we talk and read about intolerance maybe the haters will change. This is great story telling.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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I love this memoir piece. It makes me want to travel to Italy and lose my map. It revealed your heart and will make anyone who reads this realize the depth of the many "phobias" we have about each other. The more we talk and read about intolerance maybe the haters will change. This is great story telling.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you, enitsalemap, for giving my story its last six star review before the certificate expired. I deeply appreciate it. Yes, reading and researching my story makes me want to travel to Italy again. Thank you for your compliment on my "great storytelling."
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you are welcome.
Comment from Barry1000
This tale/story is delightful and well-written and brings back vaguely to memory some very similar experiences of being lost in a strange city and being both exhilarated and terrified. The style cleverly conveys a degree of confusion and disorientation, which is resolved fairly quickly and innocently. However, the substitution of the railway platform scene is a bit more of a complication than the average reader may be prepared to sort out. Some sort of transition seems missing to allow for the time shift to a later event after the initial trip to locate food. Going back to reread doesn't help to make sense of it. The message that is embedded in the story is a bonus that suggests a level of maturity and connection to reality that is gratifying.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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This tale/story is delightful and well-written and brings back vaguely to memory some very similar experiences of being lost in a strange city and being both exhilarated and terrified. The style cleverly conveys a degree of confusion and disorientation, which is resolved fairly quickly and innocently. However, the substitution of the railway platform scene is a bit more of a complication than the average reader may be prepared to sort out. Some sort of transition seems missing to allow for the time shift to a later event after the initial trip to locate food. Going back to reread doesn't help to make sense of it. The message that is embedded in the story is a bonus that suggests a level of maturity and connection to reality that is gratifying.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you, Barry, for your review. You are the second reviewer in a row to point out my need to increase the clarity of my time transitions. Given that my performed version of my story ran way over ten minutes, I cut my fantasy at the wall scene and my discussion of Italian puppets, and I used the word remember thrice to recall the restaurant and the train platform scenes. After my performance Thursday night, I will revise this story before the deadline of the non-fiction contest. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Corporal Rumjugs
Your story telling, or writing as is the case, is mesmerizing. Some people may call the way you jump between serious and comical, casual and formal inconsistent, but I found that it captivated me in a way I have not experienced before. It's impressive, the way you blended comedy into social issues of import, shifting rapidly from one to another but, not awkwardly except at that point of transition from the gate to the restaurant with the Italian kid. That change alone seemed a bit rapid and forced . Finally, it is well rounded and doesn't feel incomplete the way some short stories do.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Your story telling, or writing as is the case, is mesmerizing. Some people may call the way you jump between serious and comical, casual and formal inconsistent, but I found that it captivated me in a way I have not experienced before. It's impressive, the way you blended comedy into social issues of import, shifting rapidly from one to another but, not awkwardly except at that point of transition from the gate to the restaurant with the Italian kid. That change alone seemed a bit rapid and forced . Finally, it is well rounded and doesn't feel incomplete the way some short stories do.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you, medicokun, for your review and for pointing out my need to increase the clarity of my time transitions. Given that my performed version of my story ran way over ten minutes, I cut the fantasy at the wall scene and my discussion of Italian puppets, and I used the word remember thrice to recall the restaurant and the train platform scenes. After my performance Thursday night, I will revise this story before the deadline of the non-fiction contest.
Thank you for your review and for noting my skill at jumping between the serious and the comic. I use the two emotions to heighten one another. Thanks again.
Comment from LisaD123
This is an entertaining and well-written story. The reader can empathise with your experience on so many levels: the lost tourist; the racist attacks; the homophobia. The appeal of this is in the langauge you choose and rather than preaching to the reader, you present the facts and let the reader be angry and disgusted at the way that you were treated. Many thanks for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
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This is an entertaining and well-written story. The reader can empathise with your experience on so many levels: the lost tourist; the racist attacks; the homophobia. The appeal of this is in the langauge you choose and rather than preaching to the reader, you present the facts and let the reader be angry and disgusted at the way that you were treated. Many thanks for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
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Thank you, Lisa, for your thoughtful, generous, six star review. I am having a lot of fun creating and performing this story. I performed it again last night to tighten it up some more before the contest tomorrow. I am glad my story both entertained you and taught you something without being preachy. Thanks again.
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Thank you, LisaD123, for wishing me success in the Story Showdown contest. I won third and my first $50.00. What remains now is the FanStory Nonfiction contest. Thank you for your support.
