The Bus
How a bus ride changed a life.30 total reviews
Comment from Judy Couch
This is excellent. I loved the way you held the suspense and slowly revealed the lessons she was learning on her ride to work. Gertrude must have been very old, though, or the story took place several years ago. Even if she was 11 at the end of World War II, she would be aged now.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
  |
This is excellent. I loved the way you held the suspense and slowly revealed the lessons she was learning on her ride to work. Gertrude must have been very old, though, or the story took place several years ago. Even if she was 11 at the end of World War II, she would be aged now.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
-
thank you so much. I learned so much from writing this. Life is a gift we have to earn.
Comment from Dean Kuch
"Listen Darling," She said. "The first thing you have to do is forgive yourself. You made a mistake. Then you have to act on it. Go to the hospital. See her. Ask her forgiveness openly. Self-forgiveness is the hardest lesson we have to learn in life. We expect more of ourselves. We let our spirit down. When we do something wrong we have to acknowledge it. The next day we have to decide how to make life right, not wait for life to right itself ... Gertrude was obviously a very wise woman who had seen more than her fair share of pain, heartache, and sorrow. But people like Gertrude--people who have been through the fires of hell and walked through it safely to the other side and lived to tell about it--are usually some of the wisest people there are.
"Do you know why I postponed your evaluation?"
"You had to be out of town."
"That's true, but I had to redo the entire paperwork. You see I was going to fire you."
The realization hit me hard.
"You were so hard to work with, no one liked you. All I heard was complaints. Yet, this last month you have changed. People are smiling again. Jobs are getting done faster. If this continues I not only would like to keep you as an employee but I could possibly see promoting you. It is too soon to tell. What happened to you anyway? Why the sudden change?"
Tears were behind my words. "A bus ride" was all I managed to say.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I still take the bus at least one day a week. I have more to learn.
You know, Jusylee, actor Johnny Depp, who played the troubled author, Mort Rainey, in the Stephen King film adaption of his novella, Secret Garden, Secret Window", had this to say about a story's ending.
And I quote:
"You know...the only thing that matters is the ending. It's the most important part of the story, the ending.
And this one...
...is very good.
This one's perfect..."
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
 |
"Listen Darling," She said. "The first thing you have to do is forgive yourself. You made a mistake. Then you have to act on it. Go to the hospital. See her. Ask her forgiveness openly. Self-forgiveness is the hardest lesson we have to learn in life. We expect more of ourselves. We let our spirit down. When we do something wrong we have to acknowledge it. The next day we have to decide how to make life right, not wait for life to right itself ... Gertrude was obviously a very wise woman who had seen more than her fair share of pain, heartache, and sorrow. But people like Gertrude--people who have been through the fires of hell and walked through it safely to the other side and lived to tell about it--are usually some of the wisest people there are.
"Do you know why I postponed your evaluation?"
"You had to be out of town."
"That's true, but I had to redo the entire paperwork. You see I was going to fire you."
The realization hit me hard.
"You were so hard to work with, no one liked you. All I heard was complaints. Yet, this last month you have changed. People are smiling again. Jobs are getting done faster. If this continues I not only would like to keep you as an employee but I could possibly see promoting you. It is too soon to tell. What happened to you anyway? Why the sudden change?"
Tears were behind my words. "A bus ride" was all I managed to say.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I still take the bus at least one day a week. I have more to learn.
You know, Jusylee, actor Johnny Depp, who played the troubled author, Mort Rainey, in the Stephen King film adaption of his novella, Secret Garden, Secret Window", had this to say about a story's ending.
And I quote:
"You know...the only thing that matters is the ending. It's the most important part of the story, the ending.
And this one...
...is very good.
This one's perfect..."
Comment Written 28-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
-
Hi dean,
I'm back from an amazing adventure in New York. I lived there for the last two weeks. I can't tell any details until October but it was a unique learning experience that will be on TV. Oh Heavens, I am so happy to be home. Thank you for the best review of my life. This story is my favorite , i loved writing it. Prompts open my mind and I just let it pour out. I have learned over and over how to forgive myself when I mess up. the woman in this story learns a valuable lesson. I have missed all of you.
Comment from beizanten
Interesting and attention grabbing opening. Good luck with your contest. When you said concentration camp what do you mean, I am Erik Lensnerr Magneto fan so all I can think is the place where Jewish is capture and kill. I['m glad the main character decided to listan to other people area. lOve the apologize and self forgiveness int his story
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
|
Interesting and attention grabbing opening. Good luck with your contest. When you said concentration camp what do you mean, I am Erik Lensnerr Magneto fan so all I can think is the place where Jewish is capture and kill. I['m glad the main character decided to listan to other people area. lOve the apologize and self forgiveness int his story
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
-
Yes, the concentration camps where millions were killed for nothing other than religion. Self forgiveness is the whole message and then move on to giving.
Comment from djsaxon
An absorbing and inspirational write. I find it interesting that the central character is not identified by name. It actually adds strength to the piece (it could be anyone of us). Gertrude's story is terrific. Good work.
Cheers - DJ
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
|
An absorbing and inspirational write. I find it interesting that the central character is not identified by name. It actually adds strength to the piece (it could be anyone of us). Gertrude's story is terrific. Good work.
Cheers - DJ
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
-
Thank you so much. As I wrote this I didn't realize until the end that I never named her. then I was so happy I didn't , all of us need this lesson. Thank you for seeing it.
Comment from lfemine
Oh my god, that's incredible. I would give it a six if I wasn't out of them. You are a fabulous writer. You create real people with real lives who somehow overcome their tragedies and woes with love and understanding. That's what makes a great story. So well written and uplifting. It could easily teach us all a valuable lesson in kindness and compassion. You did it all without a hint of preaching.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
|
Oh my god, that's incredible. I would give it a six if I wasn't out of them. You are a fabulous writer. You create real people with real lives who somehow overcome their tragedies and woes with love and understanding. That's what makes a great story. So well written and uplifting. It could easily teach us all a valuable lesson in kindness and compassion. You did it all without a hint of preaching.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
-
I wrote this one from the heart. That prompt led me to this and I am so grateful. We all have so many lessons to learn and our teachers are always near us it we let them in.
-
Very well done.
Comment from cterp
Quite interesting and very well written. It's very matter-of-fact, which seems in accord with the narrator's personality, but leaves little room for nuance of language. The opportunity for that might come in Gertrude's "sad" speech, which has lots of good imagery, but is choppy sentences. I know, I can hear every elderly Jewish person in NYC talking like that, but I still think there is some room here.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
|
Quite interesting and very well written. It's very matter-of-fact, which seems in accord with the narrator's personality, but leaves little room for nuance of language. The opportunity for that might come in Gertrude's "sad" speech, which has lots of good imagery, but is choppy sentences. I know, I can hear every elderly Jewish person in NYC talking like that, but I still think there is some room here.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
-
thank you so much. I learn so much from writing this. Life is so full of teachers, we just have to find them
Comment from schatzling
You have what it takes to become an author of many books. Your story THE BUS keeps my attention. I want more. I want a book with hundreds of pages because I want to continue reading what you have to say. I am always looking forward to the next paragraph. You have my undivided attention and I am certain many others as well. You are an excellent writer. I could sit down and ready you all day long and still want more. THE BUS....what a story. I like how you have several separate ongoing stories within this story and it all comes together so fluidly. There is nothing wrong with any of this story. It is as close to perfection as one can get. Every person I could get deeply into and know exactly what they felt; what they were going through. Each person I knew so well because of how you described them within our story. Nothing was amiss. Your story takes us back into time and shares with us exactly how it was...and it also brings us up to the present and all that goes on in a daily life of more that one person. Wow
YOU ARE REALLY AN OUTSTANDING WRITER. I have read so many of your
writings and I will continue going through your entire profile until I have read EVERYTHING you have written....That is how much I enjoy reading what you write.
Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being an exceptional writer. Thank you for being you.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
|
You have what it takes to become an author of many books. Your story THE BUS keeps my attention. I want more. I want a book with hundreds of pages because I want to continue reading what you have to say. I am always looking forward to the next paragraph. You have my undivided attention and I am certain many others as well. You are an excellent writer. I could sit down and ready you all day long and still want more. THE BUS....what a story. I like how you have several separate ongoing stories within this story and it all comes together so fluidly. There is nothing wrong with any of this story. It is as close to perfection as one can get. Every person I could get deeply into and know exactly what they felt; what they were going through. Each person I knew so well because of how you described them within our story. Nothing was amiss. Your story takes us back into time and shares with us exactly how it was...and it also brings us up to the present and all that goes on in a daily life of more that one person. Wow
YOU ARE REALLY AN OUTSTANDING WRITER. I have read so many of your
writings and I will continue going through your entire profile until I have read EVERYTHING you have written....That is how much I enjoy reading what you write.
Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being an exceptional writer. Thank you for being you.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
-
My heart is so full of your message. I hope you got mine. I really want to be an author and I can think of no one else that I would rather have illustrate a cover or just a picture page than you. I hope you realize the talent you have. I recently went to fan art and looked you up. Your architecture drawing was amazing. I am going to get published some day and I want you to be a part of it. I am not sure why we have the connection we do but we do. I am going to continue to write.
-
Oh yes Ma'am, I did get your message and I sent you one back. Did you not get it? If not, please let me know. You live in San Antonio and I live in Sierra Vista...that is 855.85 miles by car. That would take approx 12 hours and 2 minutes to drive. I have visited San Antonio twice. Once to visit friends and was there two days. Once for work and was there two weeks. The Board Walk I could literally spend hours there. Lots of German influence. Great places on the boardwalk to visit and have fun at. The half way mark is Van Horn Texas...only 425.5 miles or 6 hours 7 minutes drive for me and 432 miles or 5 hours and 52 minutes drive for you. Maybe some day in the future we could both drive to Van Horn and spend the night at the El Capitan Hotel. We could share a room and share the cost of the room. There is a Restaurant in the hotel that has pretty decent reviews. We could meet face to face and actually get to know one another in person. Illustrating a cover for....wow....What a dream come true that I never even dreamt of yet...but am starting to now (smile). Please share with me when you do start your book and what it is about so I can start on that cover for you because I want it to be perfect and it may take me more than one try....So I can work on the cover at the same time you will work on the insides. WOW....what an awesome team we would make....AND YES, there is a connection....a rather deep one for some reason and I do not want it broken....ever.
It is a pleasure Judy. I'm delighted to meet you through FAN ART/STORY. My name is Katharina and my life changed the day I first read one of your writings (I've been going through your portfolio and I am reading all of it one by one every opportunity I have) and it changed even more so the day you became a devoted fan of mine.
YES, PLEASE DO CONTINUE WRITING. YOU WILL become a published Author. I know you will. I have faith in you and all you are capable of writing. I want you to autograph your first book; your first copy, which I am going to buy at your first book signing that I will accompany you on no matter how far I have to drive to get there....
Comment from Kooky Clown
Well done a most enjoyable read I really enjoyed it and could not stop reading it Sometimes it does take something going wrong for us to realise how we are treating others or taking them for granted. Good job.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
|
Well done a most enjoyable read I really enjoyed it and could not stop reading it Sometimes it does take something going wrong for us to realise how we are treating others or taking them for granted. Good job.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
-
thank you so much. It really does help us to look at ourselves when times are tough. That is how we find our who we are..
Comment from barkingdog
Your story is so realistic. It's difficult to believe that it's fiction. Brilliant job.
I like the idea that an unexpected turn of events can totally realign one's perspective and thus alter the course of their life. Your lead character was marvelous.
You intertwined Gertrude's story, Melissa's trial with her sick son and the office situation's with ease. It all fell together smoothly and I could feel and see your main character changing.
Fine dialogue was icing on the cake.
:) ellen
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
|
Your story is so realistic. It's difficult to believe that it's fiction. Brilliant job.
I like the idea that an unexpected turn of events can totally realign one's perspective and thus alter the course of their life. Your lead character was marvelous.
You intertwined Gertrude's story, Melissa's trial with her sick son and the office situation's with ease. It all fell together smoothly and I could feel and see your main character changing.
Fine dialogue was icing on the cake.
:) ellen
Comment Written 08-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
-
thank you so much. I truly enjoyed writing this story. It was such a ride.
-
You're welcome.
Comment from frogbook
I can't believe this is fiction, it is so true to life and wonderful. I would give it a 10 out of 6 if there were such a rating. I loved it-one of the best, most profound and thoughtful stories I have ever read. This should be published without a doubt-I hope you think of doing just that, so that others have the privilege of reading it. Thanks so much for sharing. JoAnn
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
|
I can't believe this is fiction, it is so true to life and wonderful. I would give it a 10 out of 6 if there were such a rating. I loved it-one of the best, most profound and thoughtful stories I have ever read. This should be published without a doubt-I hope you think of doing just that, so that others have the privilege of reading it. Thanks so much for sharing. JoAnn
Comment Written 08-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
-
thank you so much. You really give me confidence in myself. I love the story. I don't know how to publish it.
