Jealousy and Me-Part 1
Biographical Study21 total reviews
Comment from seaglass
Jealously is a big concept. I agree it's fueled be mistrust and low self-esteem. Someone who is unsure of him or herself often tries to make their mate jealous to verify their love.
My mother was insanely jealous of my father. She even resented and interfered with my having any meaningful relationship with him (my Dad). I vowed to never allow this emotion to causes me distress.
I made it perfectly clear from the get-go. We have to have trust. I will be loyal and faithful and expect the same. I won't play jealous games. First strike and he's out.
Not because I'm jealous, but because I realize he can't be trusted. First marriage was for 20 years and the second for 27.
I'll be looking forward to part two
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Jealously is a big concept. I agree it's fueled be mistrust and low self-esteem. Someone who is unsure of him or herself often tries to make their mate jealous to verify their love.
My mother was insanely jealous of my father. She even resented and interfered with my having any meaningful relationship with him (my Dad). I vowed to never allow this emotion to causes me distress.
I made it perfectly clear from the get-go. We have to have trust. I will be loyal and faithful and expect the same. I won't play jealous games. First strike and he's out.
Not because I'm jealous, but because I realize he can't be trusted. First marriage was for 20 years and the second for 27.
I'll be looking forward to part two
Comment Written 22-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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That must have been revealing to witness it first hand. Painful as well. I have the same philosophy on relationships, but I'm not exactly sure where it stems from. It just seems a natural conclusion to me for some reason. This is most insightful and valuable to hear. Thanks so much. mikey
Comment from Gloria ....
What an excellent glimpse into the mind of you, Mikey. Of course our whole of life is about learning new things about ourselves all.the.time. Some truths about ourselves can be most unpleasant.
What isn't totally clear to me is your premise. It seems you've stated that:
I never realized until today the large role jealousy has played in my love relationships with women. Now I've come to understand that the choices I've made either caused jealousy to rear its ugly head or did nothing to alleviate the painful feelings in my partner.
Then in the rest of your write you've gone on to prove just the opposite of your premise. That you attract people who were jealous before they met you, yes?
Having said that, it's great to learn more about you and your background, even if only stated briefly.
As always you write from the heart, you are authentic and now off to read the conclusion. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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What an excellent glimpse into the mind of you, Mikey. Of course our whole of life is about learning new things about ourselves all.the.time. Some truths about ourselves can be most unpleasant.
What isn't totally clear to me is your premise. It seems you've stated that:
I never realized until today the large role jealousy has played in my love relationships with women. Now I've come to understand that the choices I've made either caused jealousy to rear its ugly head or did nothing to alleviate the painful feelings in my partner.
Then in the rest of your write you've gone on to prove just the opposite of your premise. That you attract people who were jealous before they met you, yes?
Having said that, it's great to learn more about you and your background, even if only stated briefly.
As always you write from the heart, you are authentic and now off to read the conclusion. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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This became a very liquid piece for me. I didn't realize how much would be revealed to me as I wrote it. I had a very clear idea of what I was trying to put forth when I started it. Then, it unraveled as I saw it in front of me and realized I was completely full of it. So, yes, you are truly on the money. I don't know what my conclusion is. I hope there's enough discussion for readers to at least begin a dialogue in their own minds as I have. Yep, talking to myself again. It wouldn't seem right that one would have to change who they are to accommodate another does it? But perhaps who they are is flawed and needs to be worked on. See? I'm ready to ramble already.
Thanks so much. I can count on you to be candid and offer feedback that is helpful. I appreciate you find this authentic and from the heart. That means a lot if at the very least that comes through. I have something to work with. I have a vision of Kramer from Seinfeld when he got in the habit of shaving his chest hair showing Jerry what the horrible consequences actually were: "Look at it, Jerry. Look at it!" mikey
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Mikey
= I can truthfully say, when I walked in my hubby and best friend getting real chummy and -into- their friendship, had I a brick---I'd have used it.
= I was never good a play ball. Stunk at basketball, but that day, I'm sure I'd have hit pay dirt with a damn brick! (*<*)
= Excellent story you have written.
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie <> Jax (*>*)
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Hi, Mikey
= I can truthfully say, when I walked in my hubby and best friend getting real chummy and -into- their friendship, had I a brick---I'd have used it.
= I was never good a play ball. Stunk at basketball, but that day, I'm sure I'd have hit pay dirt with a damn brick! (*<*)
= Excellent story you have written.
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie <> Jax (*>*)
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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What a horrible thing. I wish you did have a brick at the time. It happens and it happens often. What can one do but move on and go forward. That doesn't help, I know!! I'll go find a brick. mikey
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= LOL! I had the last laugh.
= Had he not cheated, I would never have met Tom.
= That would have been a very bad thing.
= Tom has shown me what it's like to smile on the inside. That's a GREAT thing.
= I became a pro at smiling on the outside, but, inside---it sucked. (*<*)
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Well, meet a fellow expert. I know exactly what you mean. Ha! I even accompany the smile with a little dance and maybe a song. But, I'm learning the inner smile thing, it's a good thing for sure. :)) mikey
Comment from Ric Myworld
Everything in life is biased by people's perceptions, whether it be a single person, secondary, tertiary, and so on. Jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses many different kinds of feelings ranging from fear of abandonment to rage and humiliation. Yet, it doesn't even compare to the dangerous obsession of envy. Wanting what you have or feel, or what is felt about you, or to be you. Thanks for another post that looks into the minds of most all of us. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Everything in life is biased by people's perceptions, whether it be a single person, secondary, tertiary, and so on. Jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses many different kinds of feelings ranging from fear of abandonment to rage and humiliation. Yet, it doesn't even compare to the dangerous obsession of envy. Wanting what you have or feel, or what is felt about you, or to be you. Thanks for another post that looks into the minds of most all of us. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Yeah, you raise issues that I could have included in the discussion for sure. All of that is part of it for sure. It's complicated and the more it's discussed and considered, the more complicated it gets. I found that it comes down to two unique individuals and whether they want to reveal themselves and look at each other as honestly as they possibly can. That can be a scary thing for some people. Great points, Ric, appreciate the cool input. mikey
Comment from l.raven
OK You, my take on jealousy is....if you know you are SECURE in your relationship...glancing at the opposite sex is ok...but never touching...by the why...I have a 38 Smith and Wesson...and I will use it sweetie...it truly is a trust thing...if you can't trust the person you want to spend your life with...then what do you have???...and you have to earn that trust...it comes with true love...and that's a rare love ...devoted to only one for life...my parents have been married 61 years this year...many times I thought it was over...but today if one dies...the other wouldn't make it...a man who never did house work his entire life...now does it all...and that means cooking as well...her health is bad...I think everyone gets jealous Michael...it's in our nature...but you can feel when you are with her...if she is all yours...ok!!! enough ranting...this is very well spoken you...and written quit well...next!!! luff ya you...Linda xxoo love
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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OK You, my take on jealousy is....if you know you are SECURE in your relationship...glancing at the opposite sex is ok...but never touching...by the why...I have a 38 Smith and Wesson...and I will use it sweetie...it truly is a trust thing...if you can't trust the person you want to spend your life with...then what do you have???...and you have to earn that trust...it comes with true love...and that's a rare love ...devoted to only one for life...my parents have been married 61 years this year...many times I thought it was over...but today if one dies...the other wouldn't make it...a man who never did house work his entire life...now does it all...and that means cooking as well...her health is bad...I think everyone gets jealous Michael...it's in our nature...but you can feel when you are with her...if she is all yours...ok!!! enough ranting...this is very well spoken you...and written quit well...next!!! luff ya you...Linda xxoo love
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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I figured you for a pistol packin' momma!!!!
I knew it was wise to have you on my side. HAHAHA!! Wow, 61 years, how totally awesome is that. It's so cool that he's taken over chores and stuff, that's the real love there, doing what needs to be done. That's very touching to hear. Thanks for that.
Well, I know better than to get out of line, Ms. Sweetest of the Sweetness posse is ARMED!!! love ya, mikey XXOOYY
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OTFLMAO, haven't had to shoot anyone....YET!!!...your toooo funny...I love your replies...later sweetie...love ya Linda xxoo
Comment from joann r romei
I enjoyed this, it is a bit sporadic in it's telling but it is raw and honest, I used to die a thousand deaths when my husband would say Cindy Crawford was gorgeous, now I couldn't care less, Why? beats me. I will look for the part 2 of your piece.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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I enjoyed this, it is a bit sporadic in it's telling but it is raw and honest, I used to die a thousand deaths when my husband would say Cindy Crawford was gorgeous, now I couldn't care less, Why? beats me. I will look for the part 2 of your piece.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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That's so funny, but so totally true. I used to blather on about Rosie Perez a lot. Truly, I was just kidding. BUT it wasn't funny to my girl. Ha! She kept throwing up Johnny Depp at me, but she didn't get how HUGE my ego is. HAHAHA!!! Seriously though, it does get better with time and communication I think. Hey, a woman needs to be able to do more than walk with a book on her head, right? Attractive is being able to WRITE ONE!! :)) Thanks so much for the awesome review and insights. mikey
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My husband wasn't teasing, looking back now I should have realized what an idiot he was, every one wants to feel that they are special, and at first glance the superficial is what one sees, so the more people look at you, you feel special, unless there is something hanging from your nostril, but as much as I love to be oggled, i do not like it when men do it in front of the women they are with,
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Nothing bugs me more than a man doing that. I usually make it a point to embarrass the man by striking up a conversation with his lady. At least I did when I was younger. HAHAHA! It's very disrespectful and says a LOT about the man and what kind of class or lack of it he has. Ooops. You got me off on a rant!! I couldn't agree with you more. :)) mikey
Comment from nancy_e_davis
The green eyed monster. This is interesting. There is all forms and reasons for jealousy. Someone may be jealous of you if you are better looking than they are. Someone may be jealous of what you own. What you can do, a talent you have.
Love is always a good reason. Possessiveness, fear of being left behind. Deep subject Mikey. Write on. Nancy
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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The green eyed monster. This is interesting. There is all forms and reasons for jealousy. Someone may be jealous of you if you are better looking than they are. Someone may be jealous of what you own. What you can do, a talent you have.
Love is always a good reason. Possessiveness, fear of being left behind. Deep subject Mikey. Write on. Nancy
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Thanks so much, Nancy
I'm finding that I'm learning more than I'm imparting in these little explorations. I've surprised myself with some of what I've discovered. I didn't even realize that I could have a little jealousy myself. I thought I didn't. :)) mike
Comment from Rubylou
This is a very interesting message here written in a great style What stuck out for me was the sort of flow chart of words in one of the paragraphs, ..."perception, ...perceived threat, ..., reaction,...result." ( for me this sound relative, yet so perfectly stated)
I agree with the fact that upbringing plays a huge part in how we manifest jealousy. I have a verbal habit of saying.'sorry' even when the situation doesn't warrant it. (it drives my husband up a wall. LOL
I look forward to part 2.
Rubylou
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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This is a very interesting message here written in a great style What stuck out for me was the sort of flow chart of words in one of the paragraphs, ..."perception, ...perceived threat, ..., reaction,...result." ( for me this sound relative, yet so perfectly stated)
I agree with the fact that upbringing plays a huge part in how we manifest jealousy. I have a verbal habit of saying.'sorry' even when the situation doesn't warrant it. (it drives my husband up a wall. LOL
I look forward to part 2.
Rubylou
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Ha! I laugh when you mention, "sorry". Yep, I have that word as well on the tip of my tongue for some reason.
Very encouraging and insightful response. Thanks so much. mike
Comment from Linda Engel
You have made some very strong talking points here, Mike. Sad that it stems back to your treatment as a child and that your childhood was developed by such dysfunctional behavior. HOWEVER, as an adult , we have the choice to disbar past behavior and strengthen ourselves with positive behavior.
You are also correct in the fact that when one is multi-talented in so many areas one will attract like people and the competition begins thus bringing on jealousy.
Hubby and I did the same in our early years in the theatre and I had to deal with women throwing themselves at him , flirting, and more. I wasn't jealous so much as hurt. Now i just laugh when women flirt because I know all of his secrets. Flirt away and have fun. He's not leaving me.
You have, also come to precise conclusions about yourself and that is healthy, not to mention brave for discussing them on this site. But , who better to talk to than we, your friends.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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You have made some very strong talking points here, Mike. Sad that it stems back to your treatment as a child and that your childhood was developed by such dysfunctional behavior. HOWEVER, as an adult , we have the choice to disbar past behavior and strengthen ourselves with positive behavior.
You are also correct in the fact that when one is multi-talented in so many areas one will attract like people and the competition begins thus bringing on jealousy.
Hubby and I did the same in our early years in the theatre and I had to deal with women throwing themselves at him , flirting, and more. I wasn't jealous so much as hurt. Now i just laugh when women flirt because I know all of his secrets. Flirt away and have fun. He's not leaving me.
You have, also come to precise conclusions about yourself and that is healthy, not to mention brave for discussing them on this site. But , who better to talk to than we, your friends.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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I'm most pleased by your response. You sound like you have an excellent handle on the topic and that tells me I'm on the right track in my thinking. It revealed quite a bit to me as I wrote this. I was surprised. Thanks so much for your candid thoughts and input. mike
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Waltz with me? Well you asked...
Jealousy is a fine grey line between trust and murder.
Honestly, no matter what you do it is wrong. I have been on both sides and neither are fun.
You speak the truth. Are you a psycho-analyst? I had those too
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Waltz with me? Well you asked...
Jealousy is a fine grey line between trust and murder.
Honestly, no matter what you do it is wrong. I have been on both sides and neither are fun.
You speak the truth. Are you a psycho-analyst? I had those too
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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No, just a psycho. I try not to analyze too much. Ha!
"Jealousy is a fine grey line between trust and murder."
Whew! That's a killer line right there. I may stea ... um, borrow that some time. :)) mike
