Alouette, gentille alouette
An Alouette for the contest14 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I enjoyed your play on the old French song and your rhymed, six-line stanzas. Your lessons are effective and here's to "hearts" that are free to sing! Happy New Year- Joan
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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I enjoyed your play on the old French song and your rhymed, six-line stanzas. Your lessons are effective and here's to "hearts" that are free to sing! Happy New Year- Joan
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Many thanks, Joan. I appreciate your review. Wishing you a very happy New Year, too! Tony
Comment from Treischel
An eclectic blend of cruelness, and hope in this well crafted Allouette poem about how music (hope) overcomes all evil in the: bird, child, even the prisoner. Very well executed to format and rhyme scheme. It mimics the thoughts of the original song, but adds the upbeat hope as the song continues. I liked it a lot.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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An eclectic blend of cruelness, and hope in this well crafted Allouette poem about how music (hope) overcomes all evil in the: bird, child, even the prisoner. Very well executed to format and rhyme scheme. It mimics the thoughts of the original song, but adds the upbeat hope as the song continues. I liked it a lot.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Tom. I'm glad you enjoyed this one. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to the Alouette challenge and found that my thoughts took off in an unexpected direction. I had forgotten hoe macabre the popular French song was!
Comment from w.j.debi
Clipping the wings of the bird is an excellent metaphor for trying to clip the wings of child. As you state, doing so will not change the truth or lessen the will of a man. Some deep thought to ponder. I wish you luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Clipping the wings of the bird is an excellent metaphor for trying to clip the wings of child. As you state, doing so will not change the truth or lessen the will of a man. Some deep thought to ponder. I wish you luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Thank you, WJ. It is good to see, at last, some consensus among the world's leaders. One hopes that the new accord will be translated into action.
Comment from AnnaLinda
Tony,
You have written a superb Alouette poem/entry with the theme
of the alouette/lark. That was clever and I enjoyed your smooth
lines and rhymes as well as your message which I found quite
profound.
It seems one of the best entries I've read,
Linda
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Tony,
You have written a superb Alouette poem/entry with the theme
of the alouette/lark. That was clever and I enjoyed your smooth
lines and rhymes as well as your message which I found quite
profound.
It seems one of the best entries I've read,
Linda
Comment Written 11-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thank you so much, Linda, for this lovely review! Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from RGstar
Oh how graceful! Beautiful. Narrated with grace and beauty. Words sing as I pass through the corridors of time and listen to echoes of my own past.
This is the main contender.
Bravo tony. The words fall in line effortlessly in defining this lovely piece.
RGstar
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Oh how graceful! Beautiful. Narrated with grace and beauty. Words sing as I pass through the corridors of time and listen to echoes of my own past.
This is the main contender.
Bravo tony. The words fall in line effortlessly in defining this lovely piece.
RGstar
Comment Written 11-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Such a strong review from you, Roy, raises my own opinion of the poem. Heartwarming affirmation from one of the finest poets on site. Thank you. Best wishes, Tony.
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Lovely work, tony, lovely work.
I hope this wins for you.
Best wishes.
RG
Comment from BeasPeas
Very beautifully composed. Many good lines here, but of the entire poem, I like the last stanza the best. The message is positive when sometimes we doubt there is light. Marilyn
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Very beautifully composed. Many good lines here, but of the entire poem, I like the last stanza the best. The message is positive when sometimes we doubt there is light. Marilyn
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Many thanks for your review, Marilyn! I'm afraid that I was out of funds to promote this one, having been off-site for a while, so doubly appreciate your dropping by to read and comment. Tony
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Hi Tony. I noticed you were "off site" for a while. Hope all is well. I can identify with "lack of FS funds." Merry Christmas. Marilyn
Comment from Laurie Keim
Hi Tony.
I was unable to find your poem on wordpress and missed your presence on Fanstory. It is great to read one of your poems again.
This song is also a freedom song. The central trope is that freedom is mimetic of birds. Or to put it differently the song of the bird to the bird is in the same relation as freedom is to human imagination.
In the first stanza, words have a dubious status: they must be kept from the bird and from the song:
"Lest truth may be heard,
pluck quills from the bird
to keep the words from the wing,
but songs have a life
beyond all the strife,
and hearts that are free still sing."
The song in this poem is imagination that joins forces with the truth.
The second stanza has a touch of Blake. Blake identified very strongly the innocence of children with the freedom of art. Neither are improved by the "clipping of wings".
"Clip wings of the child
lest he become wild
and sing the songs of the free.
Bend him to your lies,
but still the song flies
with truth, that all men may see. "
I read the third stanza as overcoming the impasse. The song will always escape closure and enclosures because it is affiliated with the sky and the artisans of the sky: birds.
I enjoyed this very much. Lovely to read your work again.
Cheers,
Laurie
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Hi Tony.
I was unable to find your poem on wordpress and missed your presence on Fanstory. It is great to read one of your poems again.
This song is also a freedom song. The central trope is that freedom is mimetic of birds. Or to put it differently the song of the bird to the bird is in the same relation as freedom is to human imagination.
In the first stanza, words have a dubious status: they must be kept from the bird and from the song:
"Lest truth may be heard,
pluck quills from the bird
to keep the words from the wing,
but songs have a life
beyond all the strife,
and hearts that are free still sing."
The song in this poem is imagination that joins forces with the truth.
The second stanza has a touch of Blake. Blake identified very strongly the innocence of children with the freedom of art. Neither are improved by the "clipping of wings".
"Clip wings of the child
lest he become wild
and sing the songs of the free.
Bend him to your lies,
but still the song flies
with truth, that all men may see. "
I read the third stanza as overcoming the impasse. The song will always escape closure and enclosures because it is affiliated with the sky and the artisans of the sky: birds.
I enjoyed this very much. Lovely to read your work again.
Cheers,
Laurie
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Laurie, for your perceptive review and six stars. I have not had much time for FanStory recently, with much else going on in my life, as we gradually pack and sort half a century of memories in the cleansing process of moving from one house to another. Soon we shall have emptied our city cottage and will be able to spend all our time down here at the farm.
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A tree change: nothing better. Cheers
Comment from ciliverde
I knew that song as a child, never thought about what it meant...ugh! Poor little skylark.
As for your poem, it is beautifully done, with the recurring theme "hearts that are free still sing"
Whether you clip the wings of your child, or cast a man into the deepest dungeon, he will not forget the skies or the song of the lark.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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I knew that song as a child, never thought about what it meant...ugh! Poor little skylark.
As for your poem, it is beautifully done, with the recurring theme "hearts that are free still sing"
Whether you clip the wings of your child, or cast a man into the deepest dungeon, he will not forget the skies or the song of the lark.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thank you so much for reviewing this one, Carol. I'm afraid that I was out of funds to promote this one, having been off-site for a while, so doubly appreciate your dropping by to read and comment. Tony
Comment from Just2Write
Yes - I always thought the words of that song were sick. I didn't get why people loved it so.
First, I'll pluck the feathers off your head, then your nose, then your eyes - Yikes.
It sounds like something Dean Kuch would have written in a former life.
I liked your dark poem - It gives us something to think about.
Anyway, Tony - you always have something interesting to read in your poetry.
Rose.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Yes - I always thought the words of that song were sick. I didn't get why people loved it so.
First, I'll pluck the feathers off your head, then your nose, then your eyes - Yikes.
It sounds like something Dean Kuch would have written in a former life.
I liked your dark poem - It gives us something to think about.
Anyway, Tony - you always have something interesting to read in your poetry.
Rose.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thanks so much for taking the time to review this one, Rose. I've been off-site for a while and am bankrupt of members' cents. It is surprising how popular this song is, considering its sadistic content.
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I hear you there. Member cent pumps are hard to come by, unless one can commit lots of time to reviewing. I find that hard to do too.
I always look forward to your posts, though. I'm saving up my coin so that I can post on Saturday for the Wreath of Sonnets submission. Rose.
Comment from Pantygynt
Merci monsieur pour votre gentille alouette, et je vous voudrai un joyeux noel en Australie. You should perhaps have put a note explaining what an oubliette was. I am sure it will baffle our American friends.
It is a beautiful little poem.
Do you know this one? It too has been set to music.
The Lark in the Clear Air
by Sir Samuel Ferguson
Dear thoughts are in my mind
And my soul soars enchanted,
As I hear the sweet lark sing
In the clear air of the day.
For a tender beaming smile
To my hope has been granted,
And tomorrow she shall hear
All my fond heart would say.
I shall tell her all my love,
All my soul's adoration;
And I think she will hear me
And will not say me nay.
It is this that fills my soul
With its joyous elation,
As I hear the sweet lark sing
In the clear air of the day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Merci monsieur pour votre gentille alouette, et je vous voudrai un joyeux noel en Australie. You should perhaps have put a note explaining what an oubliette was. I am sure it will baffle our American friends.
It is a beautiful little poem.
Do you know this one? It too has been set to music.
The Lark in the Clear Air
by Sir Samuel Ferguson
Dear thoughts are in my mind
And my soul soars enchanted,
As I hear the sweet lark sing
In the clear air of the day.
For a tender beaming smile
To my hope has been granted,
And tomorrow she shall hear
All my fond heart would say.
I shall tell her all my love,
All my soul's adoration;
And I think she will hear me
And will not say me nay.
It is this that fills my soul
With its joyous elation,
As I hear the sweet lark sing
In the clear air of the day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Jim, for taking the time to review this and for granting it six stars. I wasn't really expecting any reviews, having not promoted it at all, on account of being bankrupt in the funny money department. I shall have to do a bit of reviewing between now and Saturday to get the pumps together to publish my failed master sonnet! Thanks for Sir Samuel Ferguson's poem, which I enjoyed. I haven't seen it before. Shelley's Ode has always been a favourite, too, and often came to mind when i used to walk the North Wessex Downs with my dog in years gone by.
I have taken your advice and added a note about the oubliette!
A very happy Christmas to you, too!
Tony
