Comment from Amsterdam

Exceptional

Few men are proud
Two roads till
The very end
Even I, can not pretend

Addiction
Is a disease
Demons
Take over the mind

Fact, Not fiction
Done with ease
Over and over
We tend to find

anywho-
Thank you for your thoughts
Thank you for sharing

A fatal flaw
to the very end.

am

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015

Wow, thanks for the brilliant review! It was a poem from the heart, and I don't often do that, but it was based on a writing prompt I missed by...that much...Still, I posted it on my own and was glad I did, because it seems there were other Fanstorians that were able to relate! Thanks again, You are a dear,
Rhonda

Comment from jules4jesus

Excellent

wow so heart felt and so sad addiction is such a horrid thing, your words are full of emotion and my tugging at my heart strings just wondering but was it your dad i can feel sadness and love yet a feeling of being let down wow this is bringing in so many emotions well done its an excellent write

 Comment Written 04-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015

Thank you so much, Jules, for the sweet review. Yes, it was my dad, and I loved him very much, but spent a lot of nights crying when he would disappear for months at a time when on a drinking binge. Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

This is a very interesting and well-written poem, Rhonda.

Indeed, addictions can cause great harm to the one addicted, and often more to loved ones around him.

I find your meter generally excellent, but with respect, I found two lines didn't quite scan:

'by life's struggle...we almost met' - though I can't think of a quick fix - in case you may want one. LOL

'his health, happiness, child and wife' maybe:

'his-HEALTH-con-TENT-ment (contentment)-CHILD-and-WIFE' - as 'HAPP-i-NESS' doesn't emphasise correctly in the context, IMO.

Anyway, a top theme and read.

Best wishes, Ray xx

 Comment Written 03-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Sep-2015

Thanks, Ray. You have done a wonderful job of reading and reviewing the poem with detail and suggestions. Thank you for the pointers. I like your idea. It does flow better!

reply by Domino 2 on 03-Sep-2015

I'm humbled and flattered you think my suggestion worthwhile, Rhonda.

All the best, Ray xx

reply by the author on 03-Sep-2015

I am a beginner in poetry, and can use all the help I can get. I usually write prose, and can use help there, too! Thanks,
Rhonda

reply by Domino 2 on 04-Sep-2015

I rarely review prose or poetry over about 150 words, Rhonda, as I have a hopeless reading attention spell.

Cheers, Ray xx

reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015

I understand. My eyes start hurting, but I've been spending more time writing poetry lately anyway!

reply by Domino 2 on 04-Sep-2015

I'll certainly still check you out. If I forget, and you've a poem you'd particularly like me to review, then PM me. I won't promise, but I'll try if I'm around. xx

Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr

Exceptional

Hello poet friend. Your poem I am sure has touched many hearts and brought back sad memories of dads such as yours. I love the mystery as you moved the reader along. Well done. Thanks for using my artwork. Loyd

 Comment Written 03-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Sep-2015

Thank you so much, Loyd, for your comments and for the wonderful 6 star review. I always love your artwork, and try to incorporate it as often as I can. I also love your inspiring poetry, and consider this review a huge honor! Thank you so much,
Rhonda

reply by Loyd C. Taylor, Sr on 04-Sep-2015

Hi Rhonda, you are very welcome and thank you. Loyd

Comment from Chellybelle

Excellent

Such a fluid way to tell such a real and relevant story that I can certainly relate to. You have done a wonderful job conveying a very important message that so many are struggling with.

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015

Thank you so much for the review and comments! I don't write poetry often, but when I do, it's either as a joint project with someone else or something that is weighing on my mind. This one was the "something on my mind" type, and it's usually these that I do best on. Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

Addiction can tear a family apart my friend, and parents can cause us so much pain. This poem shows how any addiction can claim its victim. The picture helped with the message. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015

Thank you for taking time to review and comment!
Rhonda

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

How touching and sad this is, Rhonda.
A brilliant man lost to an addiction -
and once it takes hold, it not only
alters his life but that of his family's



A brilliant mind, an artist's heart,
poor choices made, life torn apart.
What might have been I never saw,
addiction was his fatal flaw.

A most impressive poem; the flow to the words, and to
both rhythm and rhyme, smooth throughout.

Margaret

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015

Thank you so much! I usually write long poems that are more epic in nature, but I am trying to learn to say more with less. It's helping with my prose as well. Thanks so much for such an honest and en our aging review!
Rhonda

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

Hi Davisr - this is a really lovely poem - a dedication to your father. Well written in good aabb rhyme and such an honest write. The greatest man I've almost known - what a great start to your poem. Many people will identify with this. Strange but true - how well do we really know our parents? An excellent poem and a good read. Warm regards Dorothyx

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015

Thank you, Dorothy for taking time to review. You are right, the key to the whole poem is that line. People with many addictions, like drugs and alcohol never let you in close. And if you do manage to sneak inside, you just get hurt. Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from lightink

Excellent

What a beautiful way of describing it "I've almost known (him)"! You convey admiration and the lack of connection (and the longing) in such a heartfelt way! There's a whole range of emotions in this piece from caring love to bitter detachment! Very well written! I am so sorry you didn't got to connect to him the way you probably both would have wanted it!

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015

You made a good point. We both would have liked to have gotten closer, but the alcohol always drove us apart. Thanks for taking the time and effort to review,
Rhonda

Comment from Nan Beeson

Exceptional

Dear Rhonda:

So glad you posted a poem. I was so hoping it was one since as you already know, I do not read or review novels.

However, it made me sad when I saw the topic. How well I know of what you speak. My father also, was an alcoholic. In those they were refereed to as "Closet Drinkers." I know he was not responsible for his actions since alcohol can do harm to a person's brain. My father was one who, when he got drunk was a wife beater and tried to kill my mom, my brother and myself while in one of his drunken rages. It was a very unhappy childhood where fathers are concerned. but my MOM MADE UP FOR IT A THOUSANDFOLD. That makes it worth the heartbreak.

I know well of your heartbreak, Rhonda, but think I would have chosen as you did to have a broken heart AND a father who loved you. I hope that is some consolation to you. My father was by no means my "muse," although he was my first and only broken heart where men are concerned. My heart was broken more than once by losses of children, other family members and loved ones.

Your poem was very sincere and heartfelt and took a lot of guts to write it.

I love you much.

Sincerely,
Nan:))

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015

Thank you, Nan for the beautiful and exciting 6 stars. I was so excited to see it I couldn't stop smiling! was hoping you would review my poem. I am usually better than at stories, but I've had people trying to teach me poetry, and this was a story close to my heart.

I was fortunate that my father was not a mean drunk. He wouldn't hurt us, not physically, anyway. He would just disappear for weeks or months at a time. Every time he came back around I would tell myself not to get attached, or to begin to believe he was going to stay sober and stay around. Then off he would go again. The last time he didn't return, because he died.

Much love,
Rhonda

reply by Nan Beeson on 31-Aug-2015

Oh, Rhonda. What a sad ending. I can imagine the pain and worry from your not hearing from him for months on end and not knowing if he was dead or alive. I went through that with my (shell-shocked) alcoholic brother and still do not know if he is dead or alive or where he is. I am certain he has died somewhere and in a grave who knows where! He was older than I am and walked with a cane decades ago the last time I saw him when I was in Vegas.

People go through so much pain, and one thinks theirs is the worst until they hear of someone else's. That is why I try not to complain about my minor aches and pains and so grateful I still wake up every morning. LOL! Supposed to be a joke? Who knows?
Love you much....Nan:))

reply by the author on 31-Aug-2015

I was actually with him when he died. A friend found him passed out in the sun, and he had had a stroke. He lived for about a week, and then passed sweetly in a coma. My sister and I sat with him, so it was so much better than it could have been. Still, though, we lost him after a drunk that he never quite got out of. It was sad, but at least we knew where he was.

Right now, however, the son I've told you about before is living on the streets because he refuses to follow anyone's rules, and is abusive to whoever tries to help him. In many ways, he is so much my father's grandson. And he has a three year old son. I only hope he can get things together so he can be there father his was not, and mine was not.

Hugs and squeezes

reply by Nan Beeson on 01-Sep-2015

Oh, Rhonda, what can I say. Such heartache you have known. I know more than you would care to know about the son....You have so much to handle, and what can a mother do? My
heart goes out to you and if any comfort that I understand. It is even harder when you go through it and then find out that you are older as I am and can no longer drive and have difficulty seeing and hearing and wondering if you will wake up in the morning. Please do not think I am complaining, and perhaps I said too much. I AM ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES! I am so sorry, but just take it as being good to yourself and come first if it comes to that. I know you are great nutrition wise because of your knowledge of gardening and cattle, but it is the EYES I want you to be most careful of because it is age-related. Be sure and get your yearly eye exam and make certain you go to see him the moment you see ANY DIFFERENCE IN YOUR VISION NO MATTER HOW TRIVIAL IT MAY SEEM. I am revising the eye post and think I will post it again. One of the gals on FS, you may know her, (Shari i.e. Spitfire.) She said her half- sister had it and took the eye injections and STILL WENT BLIND! She said she would rather go blind in one eye and be able to see with the other! I do not like being negative, but love you so, want you to take every precaution while you are still young, since everything is so polluted today...even the air we breathe and water we drink, that it is a miracle we survive. But you already know all of that. FORGIVE ME for spouting off as I did. I did not mean to scare you, just to tell you to take good care of yourself, I love you so much, you are such a great lady and I admire so.
A goodnight hug to lull you to sleep.
Nan:))

reply by Anonymous Member on 04-Sep-2015

Oh, Rhonda, what can I say. Such heartache you have known. I know more than you would care to know about the son....You have so much to handle, and what can a mother do? My
heart goes out to you and if any comfort that I understand. It is even harder when you go through it and then find out that you are older as I am and can no longer drive and have difficulty seeing and hearing and wondering if you will wake up in the morning. Please do not think I am complaining, and perhaps I said too much. I AM ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES! I am so sorry, but just take it as being good to yourself and come first if it comes to that. I know you are great nutrition wise because of your knowledge of gardening and cattle, but it is the EYES I want you to be most careful of because it is age-related. Be sure and get your yearly eye exam and make certain you go to see him the moment you see ANY DIFFERENCE IN YOUR VISION NO MATTER HOW TRIVIAL IT MAY SEEM. I am revising the eye post and think I will post it again. One of the gals on FS, you may know her, (Shari i.e. Spitfire.) She said her half- sister had it and took the eye injections and STILL WENT BLIND! She said she would rather go blind in one eye and be able to see with the other! I do not like being negative, but love you so, want you to take every precaution while you are still young, since everything is so polluted today...even the air we breathe and water we drink, that it is a miracle we survive. But you already know all of that. FORGIVE ME for spouting off as I did. I did not mean to scare you, just to tell you to take good care of yourself, I love you so much, you are such a great lady and I admire so.
A goodnight hug to lull you to sleep.
Nan:))

reply by Anonymous Member on 04-Sep-2015

Oh, Rhonda. What a sad ending. I can imagine the pain and worry from your not hearing from him for months on end and not knowing if he was dead or alive. I went through that with my (shell-shocked) alcoholic brother and still do not know if he is dead or alive or where he is. I am certain he has died somewhere and in a grave who knows where! He was older than I am and walked with a cane decades ago the last time I saw him when I was in Vegas.

People go through so much pain, and one thinks theirs is the worst until they hear of someone else's. That is why I try not to complain about my minor aches and pains and so grateful I still wake up every morning. LOL! Supposed to be a joke? Who knows?
Love you much....Nan:))