Cycle
Ask a Question Contest60 total reviews
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 20-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Thank you!
Comment from Gloria ....
You've set up a chilling question, in the first stanza and one that we all wish we could figure out, but sadly it seems there is no cure and the cycle is learned and taught from generation to generation until the cycle is stopped. Which is usually difficult because of denial.
Strangely you've been able to allude to feelings of horror within the man that he does such a thing to his own son as to the child facing this terrifying specter whom is his father and supposedly protector.
I wonder if it is a delight? I suppose only if the adult is a sociopath, which I imagine does happen in some families.
Anyway, Steve. Terrific job with this poem. I won't comment on rhymes and meter because we both know you make an art of both.
It was my great pleasure to read your poem. Best wishes to you in the contest.This is definitely a contender.
Gloria
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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You've set up a chilling question, in the first stanza and one that we all wish we could figure out, but sadly it seems there is no cure and the cycle is learned and taught from generation to generation until the cycle is stopped. Which is usually difficult because of denial.
Strangely you've been able to allude to feelings of horror within the man that he does such a thing to his own son as to the child facing this terrifying specter whom is his father and supposedly protector.
I wonder if it is a delight? I suppose only if the adult is a sociopath, which I imagine does happen in some families.
Anyway, Steve. Terrific job with this poem. I won't comment on rhymes and meter because we both know you make an art of both.
It was my great pleasure to read your poem. Best wishes to you in the contest.This is definitely a contender.
Gloria
Comment Written 17-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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Thanks, Gloria - not an easy topic to rite about (or read about - an we seem to have more than our share lately)
I think for these abusers, there is often a kind of grim pleasure as they go about their business, although there may be guilt and shame later. Here it is the monster inside the abuser's head who is delighted, so maybe that does make him some sort of psychopath.
I have been reminded that of course many victims do manage to break the cycle. I guess this poem refers to those who have been so damaged by living in an environment where violence is an accepted norm, that there is no chance for them.
Steve
Comment from Megalips
This caught me off guard as an unusual topic but very effective way to approach it and a great offering to the contest. I like your rhyme here, the description, and
the final observation, "the son becomes the father"...very valid and perfect ending. Good luck on the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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This caught me off guard as an unusual topic but very effective way to approach it and a great offering to the contest. I like your rhyme here, the description, and
the final observation, "the son becomes the father"...very valid and perfect ending. Good luck on the contest!
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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Thanks for the kind words. Not an easy topic to read about or write about.
Steve
Comment from I am Cat
I always slink into your poems with a bit of trepidation...
especially when I'm not holding the proper amount of
offering... much as the wise men must have felt upon
entering the stable, perhaps... ? I have no idea...
Yet I always feel, as if it's not going to be enough,
yet when I have the ultimate amount, I look around and
can't seem to find you... I"m going to have to fan you so that
I don't have this problem, because I truly enjoy and
indeed, am grateful to get the chance to read your poetry.
There are a few poets on the site that give me that feeling, and
you are one of them.
That being said... you most likely have an idea how my reviews
go at this point? Mark Fowler calls them CatCrits (which is quite flattering), and so
I like that... he's even pulled one on me as well... and so, here we go:
'What horror breeds within the human mind
that makes a man a monster, tells him, "Take
this child, your flesh and blood, your very kind,
and fling him down, then kick till small bones break?"
(well, you certainly know how to open a 'question' poem, don't you?
this part: fling him down, then kick till small bones break... just chilled me)
'What darkness feeds within the human soul
upon the pain and terror of the weak?
What savagery is this that takes its toll
upon the most defenceless and the meek?'
(I'm hit so deeply at this point, I just have no answers... and I've read the poem,
of course, over and over... and i've no idea if you do either... I've no idea if anyone does)
'What evil seeds are these that blackly grow
their stems of hatred, thorns of guilt and shame,
within the hearts of those too young to know
a love that hasn't learned to hurt and maim?'
(it's the evil seeds from a cycle which feeds itself in ignorance and perpetual motion)
'What bitter weeds can strangle childhood dreams
and spread such foul perversion in their stead?
The son becomes the father; frightened screams
delight the tortured monster in his head.'
(that last part: 'The son becomes the father; frightened screams
delight the tortured monster in his head.' is the cycle... but it's not only, (of course you know that...)
and the only answer can be... the cycle MUST stop at us.
But you... you pose the questions... the ones which make us think, and the way you put it together... of course, poetry.
Beautifully done, and I'm sure a top runner in this contest...
Cat
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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I always slink into your poems with a bit of trepidation...
especially when I'm not holding the proper amount of
offering... much as the wise men must have felt upon
entering the stable, perhaps... ? I have no idea...
Yet I always feel, as if it's not going to be enough,
yet when I have the ultimate amount, I look around and
can't seem to find you... I"m going to have to fan you so that
I don't have this problem, because I truly enjoy and
indeed, am grateful to get the chance to read your poetry.
There are a few poets on the site that give me that feeling, and
you are one of them.
That being said... you most likely have an idea how my reviews
go at this point? Mark Fowler calls them CatCrits (which is quite flattering), and so
I like that... he's even pulled one on me as well... and so, here we go:
'What horror breeds within the human mind
that makes a man a monster, tells him, "Take
this child, your flesh and blood, your very kind,
and fling him down, then kick till small bones break?"
(well, you certainly know how to open a 'question' poem, don't you?
this part: fling him down, then kick till small bones break... just chilled me)
'What darkness feeds within the human soul
upon the pain and terror of the weak?
What savagery is this that takes its toll
upon the most defenceless and the meek?'
(I'm hit so deeply at this point, I just have no answers... and I've read the poem,
of course, over and over... and i've no idea if you do either... I've no idea if anyone does)
'What evil seeds are these that blackly grow
their stems of hatred, thorns of guilt and shame,
within the hearts of those too young to know
a love that hasn't learned to hurt and maim?'
(it's the evil seeds from a cycle which feeds itself in ignorance and perpetual motion)
'What bitter weeds can strangle childhood dreams
and spread such foul perversion in their stead?
The son becomes the father; frightened screams
delight the tortured monster in his head.'
(that last part: 'The son becomes the father; frightened screams
delight the tortured monster in his head.' is the cycle... but it's not only, (of course you know that...)
and the only answer can be... the cycle MUST stop at us.
But you... you pose the questions... the ones which make us think, and the way you put it together... of course, poetry.
Beautifully done, and I'm sure a top runner in this contest...
Cat
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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I don't think baby Jesus was much of a poet, was he? I'm a little intrigued as to what I've done to get you slinking. I've never been a highbrow type of poet. In fact a look through my portfolio will show mostly kids' poems, funny stories (or sad ones), Limericks and other down to earth tales. Perhaps my offerings have changed lately - I am very competitive and willing to give anything a go, although free verse has been beyond my grasp until recently - I was always a strict rhyme and meter man.
As for the offerings - it seems to be my fate to post towards the end of the week when stocks are in short supply.
And I would much rather have a Cat review like this one than the other sort. I still remember the first site contest I ever won for a sonnet and one reviewer offered 'nice poem about a tree.'!!
Actually I see advantages in your method of pasting in the whole poem - easier than scrolling back up to check on details.
So, thanks for the thoughtful review - and for becoming a fan, too. This is an ugly topic and I'm sure some found it difficult to read, as I found it difficult to write, but it's just what came out, inspired by a couple of ugly cases in the news here recently.
Steve
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a very worthy well written poem with important content. Abuse is a cycle. Children learn what they have experienced. It takes a superhuman effort to be able to break the cycle. I commend you for your talent and your words. Marilyn
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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This is a very worthy well written poem with important content. Abuse is a cycle. Children learn what they have experienced. It takes a superhuman effort to be able to break the cycle. I commend you for your talent and your words. Marilyn
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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Thanks, Marilyn - you are right - it's not easy to talk about, but it is important.
Steve
Comment from Bryana
Excellent poem asking questions about child abuse.
I have asked the same myself, how can a parent be
so cruel with children specially their own. And the
cycle goes on and on.
Your poem is beautifully written, I love the rhyme,
use of words and the way you asked the questions.
I wish you good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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Excellent poem asking questions about child abuse.
I have asked the same myself, how can a parent be
so cruel with children specially their own. And the
cycle goes on and on.
Your poem is beautifully written, I love the rhyme,
use of words and the way you asked the questions.
I wish you good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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Bryana, thanks a lot for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from seaglass
Although this was written for a contest, it's message is powerful and clear. Child abuse is a cycle many times and at other times linked to drinking and drugs, but whatever triggers it, the individual has rendered him or herself mindless and irrational. such a person in my opinion, is self absorbed.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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Although this was written for a contest, it's message is powerful and clear. Child abuse is a cycle many times and at other times linked to drinking and drugs, but whatever triggers it, the individual has rendered him or herself mindless and irrational. such a person in my opinion, is self absorbed.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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Thank you.
Yes, there are many reasons for abuse. here I just wanted to highlight that someone raised in an environment where violence is accepted as normal, has little chance of forming healthy relationships later in life.
Steve
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True, trust is either developed or destroyed in the fist few years of life.
Comment from judiverse
An excellent thought about a child who has been the victim of parental violence often grows up to become a violent parent himself. The cycle continues. Thoughtful questions, and I like the way you worked them in. Great work with your ABAB rhyme. This is very thoughtful. It's hard to understand how a parent could assault his own child, but we know it happens. Growing up in such a situation is bound to damage the child in the long term. judi
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
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An excellent thought about a child who has been the victim of parental violence often grows up to become a violent parent himself. The cycle continues. Thoughtful questions, and I like the way you worked them in. Great work with your ABAB rhyme. This is very thoughtful. It's hard to understand how a parent could assault his own child, but we know it happens. Growing up in such a situation is bound to damage the child in the long term. judi
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
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Thanks, Judi - that's exactly what I wanted to say. Some people manage to break the cycle, but for others, growing up in an environment where violence is so common it is normal, is too much of a challenge toovercome.
Steve
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Hi, Steve. You're very welcome. Sometimes people who were abused as children even turn around and abuse their elderly parents. judi
Comment from sweetwoodjax
thios is an excellent write, kiwistevh, you did an excellent job writing this question poem about the monster of abuse that is perpetuated until the cycle is broken, I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.,
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
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thios is an excellent write, kiwistevh, you did an excellent job writing this question poem about the monster of abuse that is perpetuated until the cycle is broken, I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.,
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from barkingdog
Brilliant and chilling, Steve. To delve into the mind of an abuser must have been a difficult thing to do. I can see how evil he is and the suffering he causes. In the end the abused becomes the abuser, generation upon generation.
I can't see why this would be disqualified for carrying the question through the entire stanza. I hope it's not.
If had a six left, it would be yours.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
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Brilliant and chilling, Steve. To delve into the mind of an abuser must have been a difficult thing to do. I can see how evil he is and the suffering he causes. In the end the abused becomes the abuser, generation upon generation.
I can't see why this would be disqualified for carrying the question through the entire stanza. I hope it's not.
If had a six left, it would be yours.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
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Thanks, bd. Yes, this was not an easy write - thank goodness not something that has touched me personally, but there have been a couple of cases in the news here lately.
Steve
