The Conjurer
Be careful what you ask for.51 total reviews
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
Wow, this is a great opening chapter that grabs hold of the reader from the onset.
You have such a gift for creating fabulous characters that really pack a punch.
I've missed your wonderful stories and look forward to getting caught up!
Awesome write, my friend!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Hi, Bev.
Wow, this is a great opening chapter that grabs hold of the reader from the onset.
You have such a gift for creating fabulous characters that really pack a punch.
I've missed your wonderful stories and look forward to getting caught up!
Awesome write, my friend!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Aw shucks, Rosalyne. I'm really feeling special tonight thanks to you. I was very influenced by stories from such writers as Taisha Abelar, Carlos Casteneda and others who went through shamanic experiences/testing. Dr. Morales is sort of a combination of those folks. Glad you like part one. Your comments and support are both gracious and much appreciated.
Hugs, Bev
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Hi, Bev.
You have such a vast knowledge and understanding of various cultures and practices. How wonderful to be able to bring this into your writing. I haven't read the authors you mentioned, but find this topic so fascinating. I will definitely look into them.
I'm looking forward to reading the next part.
I've missed your writing and it's so good to be back!
Bye, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
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I know a little bit about a lot--my husband loves to give me a hard time about that LoL. I'm glad that some of the books I've read over the years are now coming in handy, especially since I don't have as much time to read these days.
XXOO Bev
Comment from isolddde
I enjoyed reading this. The story flows smoothly and I like how the curse words aided the character's overall personality. Even though I don't know his name or what he looks like exactly, I have a good idea of what he may look like. I also liked the topic and the dangerousness of it, along with the ambiguity. It made me want to read more. Awesome job.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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I enjoyed reading this. The story flows smoothly and I like how the curse words aided the character's overall personality. Even though I don't know his name or what he looks like exactly, I have a good idea of what he may look like. I also liked the topic and the dangerousness of it, along with the ambiguity. It made me want to read more. Awesome job.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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Hi, isolddde. Thank you very much for this very generous review! I'm glad you enjoyed reading this first part of the story, and appreciate your sharing your insights into what worked for you. That's very helpful. Things start to heat up in Part Two out the first part of next week.
Have a great weekend!
:0) Bev
Comment from judiverse
Excellent beginning for what seems to be quite an adventure. The reference to altered states sounds like some encounter with the supernatural. Great sense of the place and the atmosphere. The narrator comes across as being an intellectual with a degree in neuropsychology. However, he seems out of his element in the desert. Will he be out of his element when it comes to dealing with Senor Pasquale? I like that feeling as conspicuous as a penguin on a Florida beach. Intriguing beginning. judi
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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Excellent beginning for what seems to be quite an adventure. The reference to altered states sounds like some encounter with the supernatural. Great sense of the place and the atmosphere. The narrator comes across as being an intellectual with a degree in neuropsychology. However, he seems out of his element in the desert. Will he be out of his element when it comes to dealing with Senor Pasquale? I like that feeling as conspicuous as a penguin on a Florida beach. Intriguing beginning. judi
Comment Written 24-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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Hi, Judi. Thank you for this encouraging and supportive review. I appreciate you mentioning the things you liked in Part One
of this story. I think there is likely to be no way that Dr. Morales could possibly be able to predict how his life will change LoL.
:) Bev
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You're welcome. Sounds like Dr. Morales had better be on guard, then. judi
Comment from Nosha17
A well-written story, you kept my attention and it will be interesting to see how it proceeds.
Your characters are interesting. One thing, I presume you mean the girlfriend is now the body to be disposed of, as you mentioned she was with you. Perhaps I missed something. Sorry if I did. Good plot and an exciting read. Faye
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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A well-written story, you kept my attention and it will be interesting to see how it proceeds.
Your characters are interesting. One thing, I presume you mean the girlfriend is now the body to be disposed of, as you mentioned she was with you. Perhaps I missed something. Sorry if I did. Good plot and an exciting read. Faye
Comment Written 24-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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Hi, Faye. Thank so much for taking time to read this post. I appreciate your support and generosity.
Dr. Morales' girlfriend is, for now, back in Texas. She wanted to accompany him, but he felt it might be
dangerous given the flighty nature of the man he is to meet. He isn't sure, at this point, that he's not being
set-up by someone hoping to kidnap a rich American for ransom.
Hope that helps!
Have a great weekend...
:) Bev
Comment from IndianaIrish
Bev, this is a grabbing start to your story. Your descriptions and imagery is superb. You keep enough information hidden to keep the reader and anxious to keep reading. Mr. morales is interesting and mysterious. I look forward to more.
A few notes I took during my read...
pull over into(onto?) the edge of the chapparal (chaparral).
Then I realized [if it was](it could be) electrified and such an act could cause me
After re-arranging willy (should Willy be capitalized since it is a "name"? Lol)
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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Bev, this is a grabbing start to your story. Your descriptions and imagery is superb. You keep enough information hidden to keep the reader and anxious to keep reading. Mr. morales is interesting and mysterious. I look forward to more.
A few notes I took during my read...
pull over into(onto?) the edge of the chapparal (chaparral).
Then I realized [if it was](it could be) electrified and such an act could cause me
After re-arranging willy (should Willy be capitalized since it is a "name"? Lol)
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 24-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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Hi, Karyn. Thank you for this very helpful review and the encouragement. The suggestions you suggest are good ones, and I appreciate that as well. I'm planning about 4-5 additional parts. Have a great weekend... Bev
Comment from livelylinda
Writing: Well, this certainly caught and held my interest then ended disappointingly, with no ending! Is there more to come?
Only one thing didn't make sense to me: advance degrees in both psychology and particle physics . . . hmmmmmm, I don't see how those mix (based on watching every episode of "The Big Bang Theory"), LOL.
Good back story and I'm still waiting for more . . .
livelylinda
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Writing: Well, this certainly caught and held my interest then ended disappointingly, with no ending! Is there more to come?
Only one thing didn't make sense to me: advance degrees in both psychology and particle physics . . . hmmmmmm, I don't see how those mix (based on watching every episode of "The Big Bang Theory"), LOL.
Good back story and I'm still waiting for more . . .
livelylinda
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Hi, Linda. I think you make an interesting point about the two degrees, though I know people who have switched professions more than once. Love those Big Bang guys--Sheldon could certainly use the help of a psychotherapist LoL.
This is Part One and there is quite a bit more to come--at least four more parts.
Thanks for the suggestion and great review. I appreciate it.
:) Bev
Comment from MM lives on :)
Hi Bev,
Sorry for my long absence on here and had to review this exceptional thrilling story. I will fully absorb more later but the dialogue and setting sets the tone for the reader wanting more and more. Very mysterious and sacred tone.
BRAVO! XXOO cs
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Hi Bev,
Sorry for my long absence on here and had to review this exceptional thrilling story. I will fully absorb more later but the dialogue and setting sets the tone for the reader wanting more and more. Very mysterious and sacred tone.
BRAVO! XXOO cs
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Hi, Christopher. Thank you so very much for this awesome review. The encouragement and support are very much appreciated. I've missed your posts. Hope you are doing well...
:) Bev
Comment from chasennov
The Conjurer.' Another excellent chapter you have written here, Bev. I'm only sorry I cannot read and review every time, but I will try and do it as often as possible. Well done.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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The Conjurer.' Another excellent chapter you have written here, Bev. I'm only sorry I cannot read and review every time, but I will try and do it as often as possible. Well done.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Hi, C. Thank you so much for taking time to read my post. I appreciate your encouragement and support--it's always good to hear from you!
:) Bev
Comment from Cass Carlton
This is very interesting. Especially since I usually skip stuff set in the southern desert states of USA . (for some reason I cannot seem to " get into it") However ,this has my attention . the story is provoking with questions, Who is Elise? What 's this guy doing in this pocket of civilization? Although there are rudimentary answers they only serve to prompt the reader to continue reading to find out more. the language used is simple and easy to read , the images are clear and well defined. The ending of this part is excellent, as the protagonist realizes he has been caught up in a mind drift, so has the reader. Well done cheers Cass
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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This is very interesting. Especially since I usually skip stuff set in the southern desert states of USA . (for some reason I cannot seem to " get into it") However ,this has my attention . the story is provoking with questions, Who is Elise? What 's this guy doing in this pocket of civilization? Although there are rudimentary answers they only serve to prompt the reader to continue reading to find out more. the language used is simple and easy to read , the images are clear and well defined. The ending of this part is excellent, as the protagonist realizes he has been caught up in a mind drift, so has the reader. Well done cheers Cass
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thanks so much, Cass. I appreciate you hanging in there with Part One of my story. I also appreciate your
encouragement and support. I'm glad the pacing was appealing. More details and action to come!
:) Bev
Comment from Mastery
Hi, my dear friend, Bev. Short story for you is different...no? Anyway it has your intelligently written fingerprints all over it.
Wonderful job all the way through.
Great image here: "Hopping across the ditch and unzipping my pants, I started to aim the stream atop the barbed-wire in a fuck-you gesture toward someone arrogant enough to fence in nature's purest palate. Then I realized if it was electrified, such an act would cause me serious pain! I settled for pissing against the nearest fence post."
Great little story, Bev.
Suggestions: Leave the first sentence all by itself and then start a new paragraph from there on.
Also: "this was the time of day" (It was the time of day"
And: "cursed their inadequacy against the light's brilliance." (sun's brilliance)
Lastly....I would not use the big bold fonts for your thoughts. Believe it or not they are somewhat disarming as I was reading and I am sure the same could be said by others. The only time you want to do that is if it's for a sign or title of something, I think. Just a suggestion, my friend.
Blessings X Bob
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Hi, my dear friend, Bev. Short story for you is different...no? Anyway it has your intelligently written fingerprints all over it.
Wonderful job all the way through.
Great image here: "Hopping across the ditch and unzipping my pants, I started to aim the stream atop the barbed-wire in a fuck-you gesture toward someone arrogant enough to fence in nature's purest palate. Then I realized if it was electrified, such an act would cause me serious pain! I settled for pissing against the nearest fence post."
Great little story, Bev.
Suggestions: Leave the first sentence all by itself and then start a new paragraph from there on.
Also: "this was the time of day" (It was the time of day"
And: "cursed their inadequacy against the light's brilliance." (sun's brilliance)
Lastly....I would not use the big bold fonts for your thoughts. Believe it or not they are somewhat disarming as I was reading and I am sure the same could be said by others. The only time you want to do that is if it's for a sign or title of something, I think. Just a suggestion, my friend.
Blessings X Bob
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Hi, Bob
Thanks so very much for this great review. I always appreciate how encouraging and generous you are. Your suggestions are all good, and I will make the changes post haste!
I totally agree about the use of larger font. You would not believe the formatting issues I had with this post. I'm afraid to try tinkering with it because of the god awful mess I had. When I paste from Word, things go much more smoothly. In this case, the work was in FanStory's system and was not cooperating. Sigh...
Always good to hear from you, Bob. Thanks a bunch.
:) Bev
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Hope I helped, my dear friend. X Bob
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Absolutely---always, Bob.
xo Bev
