The Savage Thief
Shakespearean Sonnet48 total reviews
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hi Steve,
Well, I'm afraid I relate a little too much to this splendid write. I liked your imagery in expressing the conflict between youth and, well let's say, experience, lol. I also appreciated the your thought about time being an unbeatable foe...ain't it the truth!
I understand your feeling the need, in closing, to pick up the gauntlet thrown and fight to the bitter end. I relate...I'm going kicking and screaming the whole way!
I liked the alternate ending also. I entered a contest awhile back with the same dilemma...finish on a serious note as opposed to a humorous one.
For your perusal...hope you enjoy.
Enshrined
Her pristine elegance adorned my senses -
Hair pouring as molten gold flowing
over shoulders fair beyond compare,
framed gracefully on freckled chest.
In each kiss her full lips embedded
a memory to tenderly transform
each day into glorious acceptance
of tomorrows unfolding pleasure.
An enduring image is staged forever,
Thus remaining untarnished, unstained.
In reverence I honor her presence past -
my soul ever stirred by the sound of her name.
or
and shall never forget...crap, what was her name?
I used the first ending for the contest, but added the alternate for the fans.
Great job one this win! Put another trophy up on the shelf.
Later, my friend, Bill
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Hi Steve,
Well, I'm afraid I relate a little too much to this splendid write. I liked your imagery in expressing the conflict between youth and, well let's say, experience, lol. I also appreciated the your thought about time being an unbeatable foe...ain't it the truth!
I understand your feeling the need, in closing, to pick up the gauntlet thrown and fight to the bitter end. I relate...I'm going kicking and screaming the whole way!
I liked the alternate ending also. I entered a contest awhile back with the same dilemma...finish on a serious note as opposed to a humorous one.
For your perusal...hope you enjoy.
Enshrined
Her pristine elegance adorned my senses -
Hair pouring as molten gold flowing
over shoulders fair beyond compare,
framed gracefully on freckled chest.
In each kiss her full lips embedded
a memory to tenderly transform
each day into glorious acceptance
of tomorrows unfolding pleasure.
An enduring image is staged forever,
Thus remaining untarnished, unstained.
In reverence I honor her presence past -
my soul ever stirred by the sound of her name.
or
and shall never forget...crap, what was her name?
I used the first ending for the contest, but added the alternate for the fans.
Great job one this win! Put another trophy up on the shelf.
Later, my friend, Bill
Comment Written 29-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Bill, thanks for the review and the entertainment with your own piece and alternate ending. I have one other like this in my book of story poems, where I supplied the silly ending, plus at least a couple of others where I just went with the joke ending.
Lafferty's last Ride is the longest poem I have written, following him through military campaigns in India, South Africa and North Africa before ending on the worst hairy dog joke you've ever heard....
Steve
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Steve,
I prefer your alternative ending. God, I'm glad I'm not reading this on a dark, gloomy day. You've really explored the agony of getting old and fighting tooth and nail to keep yourself young at heart.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Hi Steve,
I prefer your alternative ending. God, I'm glad I'm not reading this on a dark, gloomy day. You've really explored the agony of getting old and fighting tooth and nail to keep yourself young at heart.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 29-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Thanks, Lou.
I think that's why it won - we all suffer and FS has more than it's share of decrepit old folk! Now where's my Zimmer frame?
Steve
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
OH my I hate reviewing sonnets but this one I have to. Excellently written in sonnet form and yet down to earth with meaning and definition. I understood it
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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OH my I hate reviewing sonnets but this one I have to. Excellently written in sonnet form and yet down to earth with meaning and definition. I understood it
Comment Written 29-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Thanks, Barb.
I see no reason why a sonnet can't be clear at least. Some writers just get all tangled in their own words.
Steve
Comment from Dom G Robles
A Shakespearean Sonnet written beautifully, I loved it. It is filled with personification that is keen, sharp, strong and full of meaning. The rhyme and rhythm are great. They make you smile. It is about time that is addressed making it like a human being...I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end. Congratulations. Dom
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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A Shakespearean Sonnet written beautifully, I loved it. It is filled with personification that is keen, sharp, strong and full of meaning. The rhyme and rhythm are great. They make you smile. It is about time that is addressed making it like a human being...I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end. Congratulations. Dom
Comment Written 29-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Dom, thank you so much for the kind words and the thoughtful review.
Steve
Comment from ravim
Time - the conqueror of all. You've touched only one part of it, getting old. And throwing a challenge to the almighty time. Quite an inspirational stuff. The poem had a certain serious rigidity about it. Very good.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Time - the conqueror of all. You've touched only one part of it, getting old. And throwing a challenge to the almighty time. Quite an inspirational stuff. The poem had a certain serious rigidity about it. Very good.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Good thoughts in your sonnet. You are up with the heavys. Yes, our body is not the same. I like your second ending..funny and true. Our bodies are musical. Have fun in the contest. flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Good thoughts in your sonnet. You are up with the heavys. Yes, our body is not the same. I like your second ending..funny and true. Our bodies are musical. Have fun in the contest. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 29-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Selina Stambi
The alternative ending is sort of sacrilegious to the Shakespearean form, but oh, such fun, Steve!
Your metrical ear, as always is flawless, friend. Love the underlying wry humour.
Best wishes. Hope you win ... again!
Have a lovely weekend.
Sonali
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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The alternative ending is sort of sacrilegious to the Shakespearean form, but oh, such fun, Steve!
Your metrical ear, as always is flawless, friend. Love the underlying wry humour.
Best wishes. Hope you win ... again!
Have a lovely weekend.
Sonali
Comment Written 28-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Thanks, Sonali.
You don't know how tempted I as to use that alternative ending!
Steve
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Oh, I can just imagine the inner battle ...!!!
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This Sonnet could have been written especially for me, Steve,because I really dislike time heartily! As you probably guessedthe s Sonnet is one of my favourites but I think this one is especially clever and because it is about time and the problems time causes for me it's a winner! Giddy
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2014
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This Sonnet could have been written especially for me, Steve,because I really dislike time heartily! As you probably guessedthe s Sonnet is one of my favourites but I think this one is especially clever and because it is about time and the problems time causes for me it's a winner! Giddy
Comment Written 28-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2014
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Giddy, thanks for the great review and the six stars - much appreciated.
I think it makes a real difference to 'getting' a poem if you can see its relationship to your own life.
Steve
Comment from JPilcher
Grrrrr!! I wish I had a 6 to give you!!
Now, of the handful of Shakespeare pieces I've recently reviewed, I must say that I'm very impressed with how well everyone did with it - seriously!! I don't think I could do it. Just isn't my normal style per se. You all are making it very appealing though - trust me on that!!!
So first I saw the title "The Savage Thief", then I glanced over at the image and I see the clock and I was like "I'm totally in." Overall presentation is absolutely beautiful!!! Well done my friend!!! :) Jill P.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2014
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Grrrrr!! I wish I had a 6 to give you!!
Now, of the handful of Shakespeare pieces I've recently reviewed, I must say that I'm very impressed with how well everyone did with it - seriously!! I don't think I could do it. Just isn't my normal style per se. You all are making it very appealing though - trust me on that!!!
So first I saw the title "The Savage Thief", then I glanced over at the image and I see the clock and I was like "I'm totally in." Overall presentation is absolutely beautiful!!! Well done my friend!!! :) Jill P.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2014
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Thanks so much for the great review and the virtual six - that's always the way at the end of the week!
Nothing difficult about sonnets - just go dee-DUM, dee-DUM all the way and you'll be fine!
Steve
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Virtual 6 - LOVE IT!! ;)
PS- Maybe I'll try out your advice on this style of writing sometime. You never know what I'm getting my hands on these days anyhow. ;)
Comment from Serenity Van Halen
I like this piece as a whole. It flowed well, and your word choice worked exactly right. It was readable and relatable - which, in my opinion, are two of the most important factors of any piece. Great job.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2014
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I like this piece as a whole. It flowed well, and your word choice worked exactly right. It was readable and relatable - which, in my opinion, are two of the most important factors of any piece. Great job.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2014
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Thank you.
Yes, I like to keep my sonnets readable - nothing too fancy to comprehend here...
Steve
