The PlayHouse
Memories brought back by a playhouse10 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Wondering if I'm getting the story line straight. Stepmother had an affair with the man's son and father killed son?? That's what it sounds like to me. Interesting. Best stanza is the first and could be the start of another piece.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Wondering if I'm getting the story line straight. Stepmother had an affair with the man's son and father killed son?? That's what it sounds like to me. Interesting. Best stanza is the first and could be the start of another piece.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Thank you BeasPeas for your kind review. Sorry, I'll have to go back and read poem again. The true story is my son discovered his wife was having an affair and he shot himself in the head and died. The playhouse is a reference to the one he built for his children that he will not get to see them play in due to his suicide.
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Hi, justjo. I'm so sorry there is a tragic true story behind your poem. I do think (and hope I'm correct) that us writing about painful events helps us. God bless.
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Thanks. Yes, I do write about my son often. We miss him very much.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your picture is perfect for the words. The flow is good and is helped by the short lines of three words. I would change 'standstill' to 'stand still.' The last line "Miss you son" seems as an afterthought that is really not needed. Anyway, good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2014
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Your picture is perfect for the words. The flow is good and is helped by the short lines of three words. I would change 'standstill' to 'stand still.' The last line "Miss you son" seems as an afterthought that is really not needed. Anyway, good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2014
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Thank you Jannypan for your generous review. I will fix the stand still.
Comment from Jackarrie
This is so well written, it is also so sad. I know suicide is rampant among at the present day. He was devastated by his wife unfaithfulness. She had to live with the guilt.
A good poem for the prompt. Good luck
Mary
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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This is so well written, it is also so sad. I know suicide is rampant among at the present day. He was devastated by his wife unfaithfulness. She had to live with the guilt.
A good poem for the prompt. Good luck
Mary
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Thank you Mary for your generous review. Yes, it was 6 years now and it still hurts and always will. His two youngest children do not remember him. That is what makes me the saddest.
Comment from country ranch writer
a man has to do what a man has to do and a two timing female is the ruination of many a man. Slipping around they were bound to be found out
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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a man has to do what a man has to do and a two timing female is the ruination of many a man. Slipping around they were bound to be found out
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Thank you for reviewing my poem.
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WELCOME
Comment from mikemagine
I give you a virtual six. This is a harrowing, sad, anger-producing story. You tugged very hard at my emotions with this!
Bravo!
Mike
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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I give you a virtual six. This is a harrowing, sad, anger-producing story. You tugged very hard at my emotions with this!
Bravo!
Mike
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Thank you Mike. I will take the generous five and the virtual six, too. :o)
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Count on it!!
Comment from Dobson
I always enjoy a poem with a dark story! Nice eerie setting and the picture was well chosen. Structure good for a narrative poem.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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I always enjoy a poem with a dark story! Nice eerie setting and the picture was well chosen. Structure good for a narrative poem.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Thank you Dobson for your review.
Comment from granny goes viral
Wow. The visual is gloomy. The title not. The poem, really gloomy and sad. Good response to the prompt. One wonders what went on in "the play house".
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Wow. The visual is gloomy. The title not. The poem, really gloomy and sad. Good response to the prompt. One wonders what went on in "the play house".
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Thank you granny for your generous review.
Comment from jim lawler
This is a well written and sorrowful tale and it has a smooth rhythm. You paint a darken picture and your description is plain and clear. I didn't spot any typos and it needs no revision. Good luck with it! Jim
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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This is a well written and sorrowful tale and it has a smooth rhythm. You paint a darken picture and your description is plain and clear. I didn't spot any typos and it needs no revision. Good luck with it! Jim
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Thank you Jim for your review of my poem.
Comment from Eric1
This is a wonderful entry for this poem entailing a moral competition, it is a sad poem about a young man who took his own life, good rhyming and rhythm and excellent flow, good luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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This is a wonderful entry for this poem entailing a moral competition, it is a sad poem about a young man who took his own life, good rhyming and rhythm and excellent flow, good luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Thank you Eric for reviewing my poem. I appreciate your generous stars.
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It was my pleasure my friend.
Comment from Wendyanne
This is quite a good poem in which you have incorporated a moral, ie,
The moral of my story
Suicide is gory
Playhouses are built for fun
Original but well done.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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This is quite a good poem in which you have incorporated a moral, ie,
The moral of my story
Suicide is gory
Playhouses are built for fun
Original but well done.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2014
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Thank you Wendyanne for reviewing my poem. I was inspired yesterday when I took my morning walk and saw the playhouse my son had built for his children now in disarray. He has been gone six years now.
