Leaving
Going Where The Wind Blows20 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your frequent use of mono-rhyme in these quatrains and your social commentary. I especially liked the description of using the train tracks as a trail and the picture you chose to reinforce the image. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
I admired your frequent use of mono-rhyme in these quatrains and your social commentary. I especially liked the description of using the train tracks as a trail and the picture you chose to reinforce the image. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 01-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
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welcome and thanks for your kindness
Comment from PatVallesMangan
It has become a sad state of affairs for our country and you bring this out very well. The rhyme works very well with the fast paced rhythm ... much like the fast-paced scenario that is painted for us. Thank you for writing this. Our country is making some big mistakes and it is good to put them in the light for all to see, done in an art form. Nice work! God Bless us all! ~ Pat
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
It has become a sad state of affairs for our country and you bring this out very well. The rhyme works very well with the fast paced rhythm ... much like the fast-paced scenario that is painted for us. Thank you for writing this. Our country is making some big mistakes and it is good to put them in the light for all to see, done in an art form. Nice work! God Bless us all! ~ Pat
Comment Written 01-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2014
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thank you for your kindness
Comment from Eric1
Hi countryranchwriter, haven't heard from you in awhile, this is a well penned poem and a wonderful thought as long as they adopt, we have been besieged with immigrants here, but they bring their own culture, they demand their own schools and refuse to intergrate with us, then they send their sons abroad to commit attrocities against your men and ours, that to me is totally wrong.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
Hi countryranchwriter, haven't heard from you in awhile, this is a well penned poem and a wonderful thought as long as they adopt, we have been besieged with immigrants here, but they bring their own culture, they demand their own schools and refuse to intergrate with us, then they send their sons abroad to commit attrocities against your men and ours, that to me is totally wrong.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
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I agree with you100%
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I agree with you100% been trying to catch up been doing a hit and miss with hubby going for testing on his legs again he has to have another angioplasty on Tuesday if his legs are up to the challenge again. poor guy his legs can't take much more
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I hope poor hubby improves soon my friend.
Comment from Christine B.
I believe I may sense where you are going with this write, a kind of political statement, America being taken advantage of. If so, I am in agreement and supportive.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
I believe I may sense where you are going with this write, a kind of political statement, America being taken advantage of. If so, I am in agreement and supportive.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
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Thank you for you kindness
Comment from MaggieMcCall
This is lovely and I think it really honestly captures the immigrant experience without bias or judgment. Thank you so much for sharing this!
Maggie
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
This is lovely and I think it really honestly captures the immigrant experience without bias or judgment. Thank you so much for sharing this!
Maggie
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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WELCOME
Comment from LIJ Red
I only say, if one wants to be here, be here in heart. Be loyal to this land, not try to change it into their old land or send it home to families there.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
I only say, if one wants to be here, be here in heart. Be loyal to this land, not try to change it into their old land or send it home to families there.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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yep I agree
Comment from donaldww
They payed lots of the money for their fee
--This line has two problems.
1. The poem is written in present tense. This line is in past tense, which is inconsistent. An example of how this could be changed --
They pay a lot of ...
--
2. The line says they pay "money for their fee." But the money and fee are the same thing. You might consider reversing the first two rhyming words like this --
They all come to America for a fee
It costs a lot of money to be free
-- etc.
There are some other lines that need to be changed to make the tense consistent:
There was[is] a note saying I see you made it,[ ]here is a snack
-- And
You can make a lot of money to send on back to you[r] country for free
I will return latter, no one will bother you, my name[']s Jack
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
They payed lots of the money for their fee
--This line has two problems.
1. The poem is written in present tense. This line is in past tense, which is inconsistent. An example of how this could be changed --
They pay a lot of ...
--
2. The line says they pay "money for their fee." But the money and fee are the same thing. You might consider reversing the first two rhyming words like this --
They all come to America for a fee
It costs a lot of money to be free
-- etc.
There are some other lines that need to be changed to make the tense consistent:
There was[is] a note saying I see you made it,[ ]here is a snack
-- And
You can make a lot of money to send on back to you[r] country for free
I will return latter, no one will bother you, my name[']s Jack
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Thank you kindly for the heads up
Comment from michaelcahill
I am in full agreement with you. I can't find anything but admiration for someone that takes those kinds of risks to be a part of this country. I'm happy to have them here. they seem like good folk to me. Beautiful job, you give a lot of meaning to that picture. Well done. mikey
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
I am in full agreement with you. I can't find anything but admiration for someone that takes those kinds of risks to be a part of this country. I'm happy to have them here. they seem like good folk to me. Beautiful job, you give a lot of meaning to that picture. Well done. mikey
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Thank you my friend
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, CRW,
Very touchy subject. I believe everyone has a right to a good life. They just need go about it legally.
Having worked in welfare, I know there are too many people in the US 'legally' who need help, without having to give our tax dollars to someone who isn't legal.
Just my opinion. I always hope for people to have a better life, they just need to go about it the right way.
Best of luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
Hi, CRW,
Very touchy subject. I believe everyone has a right to a good life. They just need go about it legally.
Having worked in welfare, I know there are too many people in the US 'legally' who need help, without having to give our tax dollars to someone who isn't legal.
Just my opinion. I always hope for people to have a better life, they just need to go about it the right way.
Best of luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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yes our people need the help and those who aren't should have to do it legally
Comment from gypsymoth
I think your poem is well written. I simply don't like what it says. If you want to have a better mousetrap, you have to stay home and build one. You're not playing the game right if you grab the other guys' and run with it.
Gypsymoth
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
I think your poem is well written. I simply don't like what it says. If you want to have a better mousetrap, you have to stay home and build one. You're not playing the game right if you grab the other guys' and run with it.
Gypsymoth
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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here kitty kitty