Cut and Run, Part Two
A Salon Vivant mystery48 total reviews
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 27-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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Thank you very much! I'm honored. :) Bev
Comment from bhogg
Wow, a nice read that was presented very well. Excellent mixture of narrative and dialog, address an issue that everyone who has managed people and along the way created a great deal of tension and anticipation. Best of luck in story of the month! Bill
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2014
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Wow, a nice read that was presented very well. Excellent mixture of narrative and dialog, address an issue that everyone who has managed people and along the way created a great deal of tension and anticipation. Best of luck in story of the month! Bill
Comment Written 19-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2014
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Hi, Bill. Thanks for taking time out to read my story. I appreciate your very kind wishes, your generosity and support. Great to hear from you! Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
And the mystery is beginning to unravel.
Are there others of my staff who aren't what they appear to be?
This is so realistic. I think it is human nature, that once we suspect that we have been betrayed, to begin mistrusting others.
I can smell his cologne from where I'm sitting, and it sets my nether regions tingling.
Tastefully makes the point.
, and I order myself to remember my vow not to end up in the graveyard of his kicked-aside conquests.
How about: (And I remind myself that I don't want to end up in the graveyard of his kicked-aside conquests?)
He makes the decision for me by hooking his foot around the leg of a swivel chair and guiding it to a spot next to mine. Rolling out the plans, he looks around for something to hold down the corners.
This is the kind of detailed insertions that set you apart.
people like Deidre are suffering from the growing phenomenon of irresponsibilititis."
A touch of reality here.
A sudden, cold breeze passes between us. I can see the hairs rise up on my arms. Justin makes a half-turn with his stool, then stares at the ceiling above my desk. Shaking his head, he levels his gaze on me.
"That blast of cold air just now... where'd it come from? Your air conditioning vent is on the other side of the room."
"The temperature in this room has always been hard to control. It's over the old part of the basement, and I've concluded that has something to do with it." It's gotten worse since firming up plans for the renovation, but I'm certainly not going to admit that to you!
Justin's narrowed eyes bore into mine. I'm the first one to look away. Rising from my chair, I reach out to shake his hand. He looks down at my proffered hand and back up at my face. "Do you know the history of this building, Nikki?"
I like the way you eased into the mystery.
Sorry, out of sixes.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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And the mystery is beginning to unravel.
Are there others of my staff who aren't what they appear to be?
This is so realistic. I think it is human nature, that once we suspect that we have been betrayed, to begin mistrusting others.
I can smell his cologne from where I'm sitting, and it sets my nether regions tingling.
Tastefully makes the point.
, and I order myself to remember my vow not to end up in the graveyard of his kicked-aside conquests.
How about: (And I remind myself that I don't want to end up in the graveyard of his kicked-aside conquests?)
He makes the decision for me by hooking his foot around the leg of a swivel chair and guiding it to a spot next to mine. Rolling out the plans, he looks around for something to hold down the corners.
This is the kind of detailed insertions that set you apart.
people like Deidre are suffering from the growing phenomenon of irresponsibilititis."
A touch of reality here.
A sudden, cold breeze passes between us. I can see the hairs rise up on my arms. Justin makes a half-turn with his stool, then stares at the ceiling above my desk. Shaking his head, he levels his gaze on me.
"That blast of cold air just now... where'd it come from? Your air conditioning vent is on the other side of the room."
"The temperature in this room has always been hard to control. It's over the old part of the basement, and I've concluded that has something to do with it." It's gotten worse since firming up plans for the renovation, but I'm certainly not going to admit that to you!
Justin's narrowed eyes bore into mine. I'm the first one to look away. Rising from my chair, I reach out to shake his hand. He looks down at my proffered hand and back up at my face. "Do you know the history of this building, Nikki?"
I like the way you eased into the mystery.
Sorry, out of sixes.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Hi, Dallas. Thanks so much for the wonderfully detailed review! I really appreciate your efforts and your encouragement. It's always good to know what works for readers. I think your suggestion is a good one in that particular section.
Have a great weekend.
Bev
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:.) You too.
Comment from chasennov
"Cut and Run, Part Two" Jikes, I hope that problem with Deirdre can be sorted out quick smart or else someone is going to be up the creek in a boat without a paddle. Well done.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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"Cut and Run, Part Two" Jikes, I hope that problem with Deirdre can be sorted out quick smart or else someone is going to be up the creek in a boat without a paddle. Well done.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much, C. I really appreciate your generous review!
:) Bev
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You are always most welcome, Bev.
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:))
Comment from Connie C
Hi Bev,
--very clever title that fits right in with the idea of the salon and the fact that it just might be haunted, which would make one want to run
--your usual excellent command of using dialogue
--great foreshadowing of maybe some supernatural things to come, which is an area in which you excel!
I really like this so far, Bev, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Hi Bev,
--very clever title that fits right in with the idea of the salon and the fact that it just might be haunted, which would make one want to run
--your usual excellent command of using dialogue
--great foreshadowing of maybe some supernatural things to come, which is an area in which you excel!
I really like this so far, Bev, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much for the grand review, Connie. I'm glad you're liking the direction the story is going in, and I really appreciate your support and encouragement. Hugs, Bev
Comment from c_lucas
Demons in a Salon. I trust they pay their way. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Demons in a Salon. I trust they pay their way. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Well, this time they may just be your garden variety ghosts LoL. Thanks much, Charlie. :) Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Bev,
Love this chapter as we did a little deeper into her employees as well as the building. Jason could be a keep er too. Hmmmm,
Looking forward to more.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hi, Bev,
Love this chapter as we did a little deeper into her employees as well as the building. Jason could be a keep er too. Hmmmm,
Looking forward to more.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hi, Jax. Thanks for the great review! So nice of you to take time to read and review.
:) Bev
Comment from Loren (7)
What a great line: "My lips are tingling from the jalapenos in the cream cheese, which brings me back to the moment." I know I'm reading a talented writer when I read something like this. Not only that, this reads as someone who knows what she's talking about regarding both business and (sigh) employees. Tantalizing chapter. Keep it up! Loren
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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What a great line: "My lips are tingling from the jalapenos in the cream cheese, which brings me back to the moment." I know I'm reading a talented writer when I read something like this. Not only that, this reads as someone who knows what she's talking about regarding both business and (sigh) employees. Tantalizing chapter. Keep it up! Loren
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hi, Loren. Thank you so much for this wonderful review. I'm really glad you're enjoying the story! And appreciate your taking time to read and review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Diny
Pretty interesting one I got into it- seems you still have a lot of back story and inner thought before you get back to the scene When you do dialogue and interaction it flows very well and believable- but If this is her first offence you say she is going to have to decide at the top- then AT the bottom it seems you have already decided to fire her...
Write on you haven't lost me yet-
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Pretty interesting one I got into it- seems you still have a lot of back story and inner thought before you get back to the scene When you do dialogue and interaction it flows very well and believable- but If this is her first offence you say she is going to have to decide at the top- then AT the bottom it seems you have already decided to fire her...
Write on you haven't lost me yet-
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thanks for the review and insights, Diny.
In part one, I establish the setting and the fact this a repeated act by the employee. Not sure what all backstory you're referring to as this part reveals some new details not in part one.
Anyway, I appreciate that you found the interactions interesting. My editorial consultant has taught me that internal dialogue can deepen POV. I trust her perspective.
:) Bev
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
Nikki is a fabulous character, strong and assertive with a giving kindness for honesty and loyalty. I'm so glad you brought in the paranormal into the story, such a fascinating topic. This really sizzles with history of the location, once visited by Al Capone. Great way you've weaved the history with the present.
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hi, Bev.
Nikki is a fabulous character, strong and assertive with a giving kindness for honesty and loyalty. I'm so glad you brought in the paranormal into the story, such a fascinating topic. This really sizzles with history of the location, once visited by Al Capone. Great way you've weaved the history with the present.
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hi, Rosalyne. Thanks so much for the kind review. I couldn't resist the paranormal angle LoL. This may end being switched to a novel format at some point. As I'm going along, more ideas seem to be presenting themselves. Anyway, your support means a lot to me as does your generosity.
Hugs, Bev
