Comment from MagKing

Excellent

I like the comparisons; the use of simile and metaphors.
It's a great poem. But I'd have loved it more if the syllables were perfect; that would have fetched you a Six
But don't get me wrong, for I will not fail to mention it has good alliterations and uncommon end rhymes. That's something to be reckoned.

MagKing

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014

Thanks again!

Steve

Comment from Acquired Taste

Excellent

Love this - Light and Sweet it certainly is - had a very fun cadence to it - could feel the smiles start when I started reading. Wishes for good luck! AT=/

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from Dom G Robles

Excellent

This poem is amusing. The figures of speech are insensitive and seemingly funny. The alliteration is great but not quite impressive. Comparing a loved one like a light cake and sweet as a meringue, is not quite good as I thought it would. And the alliteration, bubbly and bouncy and breezy and funny are to me, inappropriate. The wife may feel indifferent. Is that what I really feel about my wife...? For me, it is not. But thank you for sharing your ideas.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014

Thank you.

Steve

Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

This poem should sweeten the situation. Nothing wrong I see. Good sweet wording. Hope you win the thing. Blessings to you.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014

Thanks, Ben

Comment from Charlene0513

Excellent

A very good repertoire' of the wonderful qualities that remind you of your soul-mate.
Nice metaphors throughout. Alliteration: fireworks, fizz,
My lover, my lustre
Charlene

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014

Thanks, Charlene

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is an excellent write, mystery writer, you did na excellent job writing this poem about the one that makes your heart go boom. I enjoyed reading it, good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from giovannimariatommaso

Good

What a lovely poem tribute to a wife or husband. The way you added food & emotions & excitement along w/memorable experiences is a real art. Good luck in contest.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014

Thank you.

Steve

reply by giovannimariatommaso on 21-Oct-2014

Y/W GMT

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

what a wonderful tribute to your wife...she sounds like she makes your world....I love the wording...very well written...and the so perfect picture...Luff Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014

Thanks, Linda.

Steve

reply by l.raven on 21-Oct-2014

you are so welcome...xxoo

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi,

Nice and whimsical take on the prompt, which you did very well. Artwork lends a nice element for a great presentation.

Best of luck in the contest.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014

Thanks, Jax.

Steve

Comment from K. Lorraine

Excellent

My husband said this poem described me to a tee. I especially liked the first line 'light as a fairy-cake,'all the way to whoosh and bang. It's my birthday, so you made feel extra special. I loved it...

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

And a big, joyful, hoosh-bang of birthday to you!

Thanks for stopping by.

reply by K. Lorraine on 19-Oct-2014

Ah thank you... at my age you stop counting and not too many folks left to wish you a happy birthday, so this was a nice surprise.