Comment from faragon

Excellent

I didn't know you were a talented artist as well as a great writer! The story is excellent and a great commentary on how the young think they are invincible! I love the pictures!

 Comment Written 29-Dec-2014

Comment from trimple

Excellent

Hi Dean

Not so much a joy ride as a death trap!

You created a wonderful creepy atmosphere and had me gripped at each word. The story marches along at a great pace and packs a great punch.

Your subtle descriptions were the grim, as they should be :)

Cracking story teller..

You painted this picture?

kind regards

trimple:)

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014

Thanks so much, trimple.

The picture I created using a program on my computer. Unfortunately, I have never picked up a brush and attempted to paint artistically, although I've always wanted to try it.

Thanks again for your kind and thoughtful review. :)

reply by trimple on 15-Oct-2014

You're most welcome Dean

Re the pic, it's brilliant!
:)

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014

:}

reply by trimple on 15-Oct-2014

:)

This could be a long night! LOL


hugs xx

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014

I think you might be right about that, heh-heh-heh...

reply by trimple on 15-Oct-2014

smile :)

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

You set the stage dramatically in your in media res opening
effective introduction of your narrator and his friends and his attitude about the situation his friends have gotten him into
an eerie look at that last moment of life and all the regrets that come with it
Brooke

 Comment Written 13-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Oct-2014

Thanks for taking a look at it, Brooke.

I appreciate your review. :)

Comment from Jackarrie

Excellent

I enjoyed reading this flash fiction, it did have a meaning in it about how bad things happen when we do bad things. In this case it was too late to change.

You have written a very good story. I hope you do well in the contest. Mary

 Comment Written 13-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Oct-2014

Thanks very much for your review and encouragement, Mary. As far as the contest goes, it is a lost cause for me, I'm afraid. Still, I feel I presented a story which has some significant meaning.

Thanks again.

Comment from Judy Couch

Excellent

You told your story well. I didn't realize until the very end that all three kids died in the accident. Your depiction of what happened immediately after is realistic and should make people think.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014

It should, Judy, but it probably won't, I'm afraid.

Thanks so much for your review, my friend.

Comment from nelliesellie

Excellent

I love the artwork. I love the story. The boy died fast. He did even know he was dead for a while. Knowing why he died was a big shock to him. It was too late to change his ways. Too bad he could not say his words to someone he could help. Great work.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014

Yep, and that's the whole point of the story, nellisellie. Some need to change their ways before it's too late. No one is ever guaranteed a tomorrow.

Thanks for the review, my friend.

Comment from rjpurdy

Excellent

Good job. Your story reads fast and furious, a real strength. Intersting and original, a strong contender I am sure. Good luck in the voting.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014

Thanks, but it's nowhere near being a "contender" in this contest. I am, however, very happy that you enjoyed it, at least, and I appreciate your encouragement just the same.

reply by rjpurdy on 12-Oct-2014

Never concede the day my friend. It's better than you think.

Comment from Wayward Elf3160

Excellent

Such a moving and tragic piece. It takes a great writer to make his or her reader feel the writing down to their very soul, and I can honestly say this did.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014

Thanks so much for the kind review.

Comment from Michaelk

Excellent

Yep, everyone becomes the worlds biggest groveller when the end comes. I always find it funny when I think about people trying to make deals with God for more time.
Good story. Very engrossing. Nice twist at the end.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014

Thanks, Michael. I'm glad you liked it, and I appreciate your comments.

Comment from mommerry

Excellent

This is a good "Halloween-time" spook story. It was well written, I saw no SPAG issues and it certainly held my interest. Good job.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014

Thanks so much for the review.