The Amazing Ideal of Infinite Love
Stemming from a spiritual source...97 total reviews
Comment from michaelcahill
How funny! I was thinking after reading and looking at the shape of your piece that it looked like a "big hug". Let's see if I can make some suggestions rather than just tell you I love this, which I do. :) The word "slam" seems angry to me. I almost wish there was a playful word that laughs at hatred as superfluous somehow was there. Maybe, "Winks". But, that is a little thing for sure as I think the opening is powerful. Then the word "laced" made me think of poison which is not what you want there. That may just me be, but I suspect that a few might have that reaction. "traced" perhaps. There is probably something better, but that keeps the thought and sound the same. Oh, almost forgot, Kerala, I don't know that without looking it up. I assume it is an area that gets a lot of rain, but I think it reads better removing the word and no one has to contemplate it or look it up. Oh yes, I love that ending. One of my favorite thoughts is how a candle lights a room that is in darkness. I have a song with that thought in it referring to a girl, "you're like a candle lighting a room in the dark". Love that idea. You have put it so beautifully here as truth. Great work. mikey
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
  |
How funny! I was thinking after reading and looking at the shape of your piece that it looked like a "big hug". Let's see if I can make some suggestions rather than just tell you I love this, which I do. :) The word "slam" seems angry to me. I almost wish there was a playful word that laughs at hatred as superfluous somehow was there. Maybe, "Winks". But, that is a little thing for sure as I think the opening is powerful. Then the word "laced" made me think of poison which is not what you want there. That may just me be, but I suspect that a few might have that reaction. "traced" perhaps. There is probably something better, but that keeps the thought and sound the same. Oh, almost forgot, Kerala, I don't know that without looking it up. I assume it is an area that gets a lot of rain, but I think it reads better removing the word and no one has to contemplate it or look it up. Oh yes, I love that ending. One of my favorite thoughts is how a candle lights a room that is in darkness. I have a song with that thought in it referring to a girl, "you're like a candle lighting a room in the dark". Love that idea. You have put it so beautifully here as truth. Great work. mikey
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
-
How wonderful that you saw the hug in this! :-))
I hesitated to use the word SLAM for just that reason, and then decided to keep it for the ironic effect. I am still unsure, though, and totally appreciate your honest feedback on that. So far, you're the only reviewer to mention it but I wonder if the word irked anyone else. I asked my mom, whose opinion I value highly, and she thought it worked well but if I find a better word, i may change it. Winks wouldn't work, though ;)
I doubt many people will think of poison with laced, but it is a good point. However, I really like the rhyme. Traced is a nice idea--I will consider it for sure. Thanks!
Kerala is the state in South India where I live--since 25 years~
nice line in your song lyric! :-))
Lots of Love,
rd
PS Thanks for reviewing even though cert is gone. Wish I had a thumb left to offer you...oh, maybe there is one...Will check...
Comment from PatVallesMangan
This is a very beautiful dedication to Amma who I am very familiar with. This hugging saint surely is described perfectly by the author. I love the line about her unconditional love flowing fluidly. Nice devices such as alliteration make this poem flow like the love of Amma. Namaste'
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
 |
This is a very beautiful dedication to Amma who I am very familiar with. This hugging saint surely is described perfectly by the author. I love the line about her unconditional love flowing fluidly. Nice devices such as alliteration make this poem flow like the love of Amma. Namaste'
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
-
Namaste, Pat. Warm welcome to FS and so nice to meet you Thank you for your glowing response and lovely comments. So glad you know Amma! How wonderful. Very few people in the Fanstory family are familiar with her. I've been lucky to live with Amma in India for over two decades. Warm smiles and HUGS, rd
Comment from pattipac
Your well chosen words describing the affects of unconditional love upon our souls is beautiful. It leaves no room for hated, only forgiving and overflowing joy.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
|
Your well chosen words describing the affects of unconditional love upon our souls is beautiful. It leaves no room for hated, only forgiving and overflowing joy.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
-
Thank for your lovely comments and glowing rating, dear Pattipac. So glad this inspired! Love, rd
Comment from RGstar
Lovely write, Rama. Despite just being a little rich in concentrated alliteration towards its middle, it flowed beautifully and though I know little about the focus of this love, I will be sure to follow up and learn.
A worthy poem of love.
Best wishes,
RGstar
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
|
Lovely write, Rama. Despite just being a little rich in concentrated alliteration towards its middle, it flowed beautifully and though I know little about the focus of this love, I will be sure to follow up and learn.
A worthy poem of love.
Best wishes,
RGstar
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
-
Thanks you for your very kind and thoughtful review, my friend. So glad this resonated with you. Some people feel the alliteration is too heavy and others not. I have been sitting on the fence about it because, when I read this aloud, it does not sound heavy or distract. Still, I may trim some. Any suggestions (Specific words to trim)?
Best Smiles, rd
-
It is beautifully written, Rama. Unless there is a break of a word in between , I would stick to three of the same , at most, in rapid succession...unless they emit a definite action.
I found only one sequence that drew my attention as heavy and that is below..otherwise, perfect.
''Love's presence prevails...
prompting potent,
jubilant
joy.
I would take 'potent away. You already have a strong noun in 'prompting that does the job without adding 'potent'
That will soften it and blend in keeping the flow within a well worded write.
Best wishes. Good luck.
RG
-
Great suggestion! I almost trimmed that stanza out entirely (and still might), because a few good reviewers felt it redundant...but then other readers loved those lines, so I kept them. Do you have an opinion on that count?
I plan to remove potent, for sure. Great suggestions. Thanks for taking time to follow up. Hope i have a review thumb left!
Love, rd
-
I finally decided to trim off that stanza entirely...may use it in a new poem... ;)
-
Can't find the thumb icon...guess I used them all. Wish I had one for you!
-
I think you should leave the stanza in...the poem would not be wholesome without it. A little too short as it built nicely.
The three words used in alliteration suited the poem well. ( without potent)
Best wishes
-
Thanks RG...I am still thinking about it. My mom, who is my best critic, thinks it is better trimmed out as it is redundant...but it is also some people's favorite part. I appreciate your feedback. :)
Comment from MizKat
Hi Rama Devi,
This is a beautiful poem, but how in the world can you write such a nice poem in twelve minutes? It takes me forever to write one, then I keep going over it for days. You have quite a talent.
Kat
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
|
Hi Rama Devi,
This is a beautiful poem, but how in the world can you write such a nice poem in twelve minutes? It takes me forever to write one, then I keep going over it for days. You have quite a talent.
Kat
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
-
Aw, thanks so much, Kat. Inspired by Amma, I guess. :)
Love and smiles, rd
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This is an excellent poetic definition of infinite love, dear RD. The poetic devices within the free verse are most effective: alliteration throughout and very nice inner rhyming within various lines. And reading your notes, I see that the poem is not just theoretical and philosophical: you base the definition on a real person, obviously a paragon of these virtues. I like the pithy close that wraps it up beautifully: "Darkness dies / inside of light." And the presentation is lovely. Good luck to you in the contest. Love and blessings, Jeanie
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
|
This is an excellent poetic definition of infinite love, dear RD. The poetic devices within the free verse are most effective: alliteration throughout and very nice inner rhyming within various lines. And reading your notes, I see that the poem is not just theoretical and philosophical: you base the definition on a real person, obviously a paragon of these virtues. I like the pithy close that wraps it up beautifully: "Darkness dies / inside of light." And the presentation is lovely. Good luck to you in the contest. Love and blessings, Jeanie
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
-
Thanks for your most kind and thoughtful comments, dear Jeanie. Very glad you stopped by and enjoyed. Love and Blessings, rd
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. Thank you for a spiritual poem of love and the joy the heart can feel. The love of one's Guru or mentor is not easy to explain. However, as usual, your gift for touching the heart of matters brings this to the forefront.
Thanks,
padumachitta
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
|
Hi. Thank you for a spiritual poem of love and the joy the heart can feel. The love of one's Guru or mentor is not easy to explain. However, as usual, your gift for touching the heart of matters brings this to the forefront.
Thanks,
padumachitta
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
-
Thanks for your lovely comments and glowing rating, my friend. Namaste and warmest smiles, rd
Comment from kiwisteveh
It is a fascinating premise and stands well in its own right. I'm not going to attempt to tell you how to improve it, but maybe just offer a couple of thoughts.
The first stanza/statement is very strong and could stand on its own as a short poem - one of my own faults is to go on far too long hen the message has already been conveyed...
Stanzas 1, 2 & 5 fit well together (doors and windows) - the others could be seen as a distraction away from this central theme.
The last 'stanza' is another powerful epigram.
Overall, a thought-provoking piece - loved the picture of your guru - I'm guessing you are one of the 30 million, but who counted them?!
Steve
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
|
It is a fascinating premise and stands well in its own right. I'm not going to attempt to tell you how to improve it, but maybe just offer a couple of thoughts.
The first stanza/statement is very strong and could stand on its own as a short poem - one of my own faults is to go on far too long hen the message has already been conveyed...
Stanzas 1, 2 & 5 fit well together (doors and windows) - the others could be seen as a distraction away from this central theme.
The last 'stanza' is another powerful epigram.
Overall, a thought-provoking piece - loved the picture of your guru - I'm guessing you are one of the 30 million, but who counted them?!
Steve
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
-
Thanks for your very thoughtful and attentive review, dear Steve. There are token numbers for getting Amma's hugs so it is not necessary to count each one. :) in the old days, there were no tokens--as my first few times meeting her were in someone's living room with 20-30 other people. (1988). I think the numbers for those years are 'guestimated'. I will take another look at the middle stanzas. Thanks for feedback! Warmest Smiles, rd
Comment from mikemagine
Evening, Rama Devi:) I wish I had a six to give you...This is just wonderful! Your Guru, I can tell, has a magnanimous spirit! Very blessed you are that she shares her wisdom and strength with you. Your poem is flawless, heart-written, beautiful!!
Peace!
Mike
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
|
Evening, Rama Devi:) I wish I had a six to give you...This is just wonderful! Your Guru, I can tell, has a magnanimous spirit! Very blessed you are that she shares her wisdom and strength with you. Your poem is flawless, heart-written, beautiful!!
Peace!
Mike
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
-
HI Mike...thanks for your enthusiastic response and virtual six. Big Smiles, rd
-
Very happy to, Rama!
Peace,
Mike
Comment from Sasha
This is such a heart warming tribute to Amma. Beautiful poem filled with such wise and true words. I also believe darkness dies inside of light. Excellent work with this one and a terrific entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
|
This is such a heart warming tribute to Amma. Beautiful poem filled with such wise and true words. I also believe darkness dies inside of light. Excellent work with this one and a terrific entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
-
Thanks for your lovely comments, dear Sasha. Hugs to you, rd
