Comment from DALLAS01

Excellent

A great opening.Through clever dialogue and inner thoughts we get a grasp of some of the character's personalities from the get go. I like to be vested in the characters early on.

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014

Thanks so much, Dallas! I'm glad you liked the opening. Things will start picking up a bit from here LoL. Appreciate the great review.

:) Bev

Comment from Rosalyne

Exceptional

Hi, Bev.
I'm so sorry for not catching this sooner. What a great opener, Nikki, a wonderful character. I really like the idea of the hair salon and the style of your story, different from the others I've read. Your visuals and dialogue are excellent!
Bye, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne :)

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014

Thanks for using another one of your precious sixes on this, Rosalyne. Especially since you're getting peanuts for this review. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. It was a bit of a slow starter, but then it's not flash fiction LoL. I'm catching a bit of flak for the internal dialogue and backstory, but then I think of Stacia and I just smile about how many times she cautioned me about pushing the action too soon. Even in short stories. That lady sure taught me a lot.

You rock, my friend. I'm glowing as I picture your spectacular smile!!

Hugs, Bev

reply by Rosalyne on 23-Oct-2014

Hi, Bev.
It's such a delight to read anything you write! The backstory and internal dialogue is what has built your character so well. This gives the reader a real connection to her.

You can't just jump into the action. Building a slow tension is great, giving the reader a deeper insight to the character. I can't agree more, Stacia is a wonderful teacher. Your story is great! Your specialty in writing is your character development.

Thanks for your amazing kind words! I miss the time we spent together, and yes, I'm smiling thinking of the great times. You're the best!
Bye, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne :)

reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014

I so appreciate your sharing your thoughts with me, Rosalyne. I feel both comforted and strengthened by your kind words. Thanks for always being such a gracious and loving person. Love and Hugs, Bev

Comment from Muffins

Exceptional

Lively beginning, great introduction of Nikki's situation, lifestyle , career and attitude. From the bagel shop to hearing Deidre's sly excuse for not coming into work, a mountain of action is brewing up to explode in Nikki's world.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014

Hi, Muffins. Thank you for taking time to read part one. I have a few things in mind for this story. Your encouragement and support really mean a lot. Warm regards, Bev

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

Bev, my dear friend,

I was the first to review this, and must have forgotten to save.

I enjoyed your first hair salon story and look forward to following this.

Have a super weekend.

Hugs and kisses,

Sonali

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014

Thanks so much, Sonali. Glad you liked the first part. You have a great weekend as well. Hugs, Bev

Comment from Joe_P

Excellent

The story held my attention throughout. Your writing has a smooth flow, seeming to float off the page (screen). The tale stopped right at the spot where the plot begins to peak. Very nice story. I am hooked and want to see more of it.

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014

Hi, Joe. Thanks so much for this grand review. I appreciate your encouragement and support. :) Bev

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Exceptional

Brava, my friend. Nice to see you doing a 'short'. I'm interested to see where you're going with this. Methinks Deirdre is in caca. LOL!

The foot traffic during the Fourth is staggering - literally - as folks wander out of the pub next door and into the congested sidewalks and streets. Add a cell phone to that mix and you've got loco in motion.

Love that part - very clever, Bev. I had a chuckle at that.

Look forward to the rest.

Love Av

xx

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014

Hi, Av. Yup, Deirdre is definitely in 'caca'. Ha!

I'm going to take this in a bit of a different direction than one would think with part one.

Thanks so much for your support and encouragement. Sure wish I could pop by and have a cup of tea with one of my favorite folks. Still on a bit of a Toronto high, though I ended up with a two-day bout of the flu. Needless to say, I'm getting my patoot in for my yearly flu shot as soon as the darned stuff comes in.

Hugs, Bev

reply by Cumbrianlass on 02-Oct-2014

I often get sick when I fly. I think airplanes are winged petri dishes, just loaded with all kinds of bacteria and viruses floating around.

I wish you could pop by too. Always welcome, Bev. xxx

reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014

Thanks for the invite, Av. You never know!

XXOO Bev

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

I think someone is going to get fired. Well written and nice build up with her suspicions and her emotions about the silly thing. Her plans her ruined, because an employee made plans, and now she has to make plans to deal with it.

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014

Hi, lancellot. Yes, someone is in for a pile of doodoo! Thanks for reading and for the nice review. :) Bev

Comment from PatVallesMangan

Excellent

This story is well written. The author hooks us in with Deidre getting caught in a lie to avoid work. The plots has begun and we wonder where this is going. There are certainly many possible ways to go. This could turn into anything from a murder mystery to a romance novel. The author has got a good beginning and has left themselves open to going many ways. Looking forward to reading the rest.

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014

Hi, Pat. How nice to hear from you! I do have a twist or two in mind. Actually, a little bit of all the above.

Thanks for the grand review and encouragement.

Warm regards, Bev

Comment from maggieadams

Excellent

You are off to a roaring start. I love how you set the scene...I was walking down the street with you. You are introducing interesting characters and the conflict. Realistic jobs and characters make this a modern story. Can't wait for the next chapter. No errors....wish I had a six.

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014

Hi, Maggie. Gosh, I'm blushing with this wonderful review. Thank you so much for your support and generosity. I like your mentioning that it's a modern story. That, especially, tickles me. There's an interesting little twist coming up I hope the readers' enjoy.

Warmest regard, Bev

Comment from padumachitta

Excellent

Hi. This is a well written story. i want to read more.
I like the life details, like the Barista at the coffee shop, it adds a sort of real lfavour to it.
padumachitta

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014

Thanks for reading and reviewing so kindly, Pada. I really appreciate the encouragement and support. :) Bev