Fall... Fall... Falling.
I'm..15 total reviews
Comment from Breakneck Beryl
EXCELLENT! A well deserved six stars from me if I could give one! Depressing subject depression! You have conveyed this brilliantly. Have you considered publishing a book?
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2014
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EXCELLENT! A well deserved six stars from me if I could give one! Depressing subject depression! You have conveyed this brilliantly. Have you considered publishing a book?
Comment Written 29-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2014
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Ahhhhh Breakneck Beryl thank you so much and I just might do that. Do you happen to know anyone who could help?? :) xxx
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as it happens we do! lol. :) xx
Comment from sutu
you know as I am here for you as always. Chillingly written Jaq and anyone who would critique this as anything other than touchingly put, would have little empathy. From a personal point of view, I would not change anything - from a poetic point of view, I would not change anything! love ya xxx
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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you know as I am here for you as always. Chillingly written Jaq and anyone who would critique this as anything other than touchingly put, would have little empathy. From a personal point of view, I would not change anything - from a poetic point of view, I would not change anything! love ya xxx
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Thanks sutu, you know that means a lot to me, from you. Love n hugs as always, Jaq xxxx
Comment from adewpearl
Very effective formatting with the falling and yawning and calling passages
good abcb rhyming in the quatrains
good rhyme in the falling/calling pairing with assonance in yawning
scared/stumbled/fell/echoed...strong high-impact verb choices add to the emotional intensity
good alliteration in phrases like know the nightmare
Powerful expression of raw emotion in good poetic form
Brooke
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014
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Very effective formatting with the falling and yawning and calling passages
good abcb rhyming in the quatrains
good rhyme in the falling/calling pairing with assonance in yawning
scared/stumbled/fell/echoed...strong high-impact verb choices add to the emotional intensity
good alliteration in phrases like know the nightmare
Powerful expression of raw emotion in good poetic form
Brooke
Comment Written 30-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014
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Many thanks Brooke, as always I value your opinion and in-depth review. Jaq :)xx
Comment from Linda England Bonam
You did a nice job of writing this about depression, and the in and out of it. You can't just look at someone and tell that they are depressed because they look normal! Good poem about it.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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You did a nice job of writing this about depression, and the in and out of it. You can't just look at someone and tell that they are depressed because they look normal! Good poem about it.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Many thanks for your fine review Linda. It is a hidden menace for some. :) Jaq xxx
Comment from mfowler
I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. Your ingenuity in penning this poem with rhyming and shape as its great technical attributes, gave me a real sense of the downward spiral and the utter helplessness that causes you to cry 'HELP ME!!' at the end. The single line 'fall, yawn,fall, call' listing added visual effect to the direction of pain, but also draw the reader in aurally as you navigate the meaning. A very emotive presentation.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. Your ingenuity in penning this poem with rhyming and shape as its great technical attributes, gave me a real sense of the downward spiral and the utter helplessness that causes you to cry 'HELP ME!!' at the end. The single line 'fall, yawn,fall, call' listing added visual effect to the direction of pain, but also draw the reader in aurally as you navigate the meaning. A very emotive presentation.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks mfowler, this one crept up on me but it's a battle to try and keep it at bay. Most times I can, thankfully. Many thanks for your kind review :) Jaq xx
Comment from Dom G Robles
This poem talks of depression but it not clear to me what caused it so. I figure that is about drugs because it is obvious from the tone of the poem. But the way it is written is expressive and impressive. Well written. The rhyme and the style is amazing if not captivating. My sincere congratulations.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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This poem talks of depression but it not clear to me what caused it so. I figure that is about drugs because it is obvious from the tone of the poem. But the way it is written is expressive and impressive. Well written. The rhyme and the style is amazing if not captivating. My sincere congratulations.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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No Dom, it's not drugs or alcohol abuse but it was abuse. Anyway it was more about the cycle of depression and having fallen into it many times and it's effect. Many thanks for your wonderful review my friend and I'm glad you enjoyed this. Take good care, Jaq xx
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Thank you Jaq Cee for letting me know. I appreciate as well your comments.
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You're welcome :)
Comment from Acquired Taste
I would venture to guess three out of four members of this site know exactly what you are going through. Personally, from manic highs on Monday to the pit of hell on Wednesday - always an adventure, not always good, but an adventure.
Always write, every day write - it does hold the demons in check - dicey some days - but it does. AT=/
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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I would venture to guess three out of four members of this site know exactly what you are going through. Personally, from manic highs on Monday to the pit of hell on Wednesday - always an adventure, not always good, but an adventure.
Always write, every day write - it does hold the demons in check - dicey some days - but it does. AT=/
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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AT you are so right, writing does hold them at bay, or at least seeing it on paper/screen makes it more manageable for me. Most times I am fine but this just took me a bit by surprise. Thanks so much for understanding this. :) Jaq xx
Comment from reconciled
jjJJJJAAAQQQQQQEEEeeee...! jjJJJAAQQQ ! where are ya baby!...I'm Here!...Ew! shit...Ouch!...hey!...turn the lights on...Jaq...whats a matter baby...? -smile- Hello you jasmine scented work of art...long time no see sweetheart...apparently a lil' too long...c'mere....c'mon gimmie a hug....that's right...that's a good girl....its gonna be fine you'll see....shhhhhh. Always love Michael
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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jjJJJJAAAQQQQQQEEEeeee...! jjJJJAAQQQ ! where are ya baby!...I'm Here!...Ew! shit...Ouch!...hey!...turn the lights on...Jaq...whats a matter baby...? -smile- Hello you jasmine scented work of art...long time no see sweetheart...apparently a lil' too long...c'mere....c'mon gimmie a hug....that's right...that's a good girl....its gonna be fine you'll see....shhhhhh. Always love Michael
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Awwww Michael, love you to bits. {{{hugs}}} Many thanks for your wonderful rating and for taking the time to read and review. Take care my friend, :) Jaq xxxx
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you too sweet Lady...love-
Comment from Jumbo J
Hey Jaq,
you took me down the dark 'Hole' straight away, I could feel you slipping... you captured the 'Black Dog' so well with your descriptive prowess and occasional rhyme... but there was a real melody that sang out in these words... a song I have sung many times.
I loved the echoed effect your refrain reinforced with the falling and calling.
You know I'm a catcher of souls, right? ... I would never let you hit the bottom... wake up now, it's only a dream... smile)))))))).
With our thoughts we create,
our reality,
James xx
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Hey Jaq,
you took me down the dark 'Hole' straight away, I could feel you slipping... you captured the 'Black Dog' so well with your descriptive prowess and occasional rhyme... but there was a real melody that sang out in these words... a song I have sung many times.
I loved the echoed effect your refrain reinforced with the falling and calling.
You know I'm a catcher of souls, right? ... I would never let you hit the bottom... wake up now, it's only a dream... smile)))))))).
With our thoughts we create,
our reality,
James xx
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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James, many thanks my dear, dear friend. It's been a trial this last few months but I will come out the other end. I'm glad you're there to catch me. Light and love to you and Jade, Jaq xxx
Comment from Eric1
Hi Jackie, this is a wonderful yet sad write on what is in fact a serious illness, it is beautifully presented and I think that you are one brave lady to write about it and put your thoughts into a poem, I sincerely hope you have a lovely week my friend, God bless.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Hi Jackie, this is a wonderful yet sad write on what is in fact a serious illness, it is beautifully presented and I think that you are one brave lady to write about it and put your thoughts into a poem, I sincerely hope you have a lovely week my friend, God bless.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Eric many thanks to you for a wonderful review and also for your good wishes. It really means a lot to me. Once again, thank you so much. :) Jaq xx
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You are very welcome jaq.
