Miracles Happen
Desperate times call for desperate measures.11 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Jo,
I love the title - I so believe it!
What a feel good story. Made me all warm inside!
Love,
Sonali xxx
paper mill. Smells bad don't it(?)"
"It will do(,) Marvin. It's only
these kids asking(,) '(A)re we there yet(?)'
Tommy(,) at sixteen(,) took charge ... how about ... sixteen-year-old Tommy took charge ... ?
van for much luggage(,) much less toys for the smaller kids
beautifully wrapped with their (name) on it
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Hi Jo,
I love the title - I so believe it!
What a feel good story. Made me all warm inside!
Love,
Sonali xxx
paper mill. Smells bad don't it(?)"
"It will do(,) Marvin. It's only
these kids asking(,) '(A)re we there yet(?)'
Tommy(,) at sixteen(,) took charge ... how about ... sixteen-year-old Tommy took charge ... ?
van for much luggage(,) much less toys for the smaller kids
beautifully wrapped with their (name) on it
Comment Written 16-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the kind review. I very much appreciate your input. Oh, my downfall...punctuation. :o) I have made corrections.
Comment from Gladness
This is a delightful story and well written. The dialog sounds real and the characters do too. You leave me wondering how they did it.
Here are a coupe little things to think about:
fyi, it works good to use italics for when the words of the character when its their thoughts.
asking 'are we there yet.' (not sure, but I would forget the ' marks and just put " at the end.)
Thanks again for an enjoyable read,
Anita
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014
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This is a delightful story and well written. The dialog sounds real and the characters do too. You leave me wondering how they did it.
Here are a coupe little things to think about:
fyi, it works good to use italics for when the words of the character when its their thoughts.
asking 'are we there yet.' (not sure, but I would forget the ' marks and just put " at the end.)
Thanks again for an enjoyable read,
Anita
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your kind review of my work.
Comment from Misrael
Yes we can make the best of a bad situation and this story shows that. I enjoyed the read and look forward to reading more. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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Yes we can make the best of a bad situation and this story shows that. I enjoyed the read and look forward to reading more. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your kind comments. I am glad you enjoyed the story.
Comment from GeraldS
Nice story. The narrative reads well. The ending could be fleshed out a bit more. But, all in all, a good entry.
Years ago my wife and I applied a different theme each year to decorating our Christmas tree. One year it was with all edible items. Another year the decorations were all made out of yarn and another year out of construction paper and photos. It was a neat family project, but after a while we tired of it and went back to more traditional decorations.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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Nice story. The narrative reads well. The ending could be fleshed out a bit more. But, all in all, a good entry.
Years ago my wife and I applied a different theme each year to decorating our Christmas tree. One year it was with all edible items. Another year the decorations were all made out of yarn and another year out of construction paper and photos. It was a neat family project, but after a while we tired of it and went back to more traditional decorations.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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Thanks for reviewing. You are right. I could/can flesh out the ending more. Thanks for the suggestion.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Very good, I enjoyed the read and how you depicted the struggling family. How they stuck together during hard times, even to the point of joining Dad on the job. I must admit however that the last line had me thinking, not of miracles but 'desperate times and desperate measures'. What desperate measures did they use to obtain the gifts? Just sayin', :-) Carolyn
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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Very good, I enjoyed the read and how you depicted the struggling family. How they stuck together during hard times, even to the point of joining Dad on the job. I must admit however that the last line had me thinking, not of miracles but 'desperate times and desperate measures'. What desperate measures did they use to obtain the gifts? Just sayin', :-) Carolyn
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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The hocked their camera and some of the dad's tools. Guess I should put that in their. I'll go back. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Now your talking... Great addition and it rounds out the wonderful story. :-) Carolyn
Comment from adewpearl
It was beautiful all right, but Aida
Christmas was coming, and - add comma
You set the stage effectively in your opening and introduce your main characters well
much for Christmas presents, but - add comma
I'm not sure what my brother is planning, but - add comma
If his wife and all those kids go with him, where will they stay? Wouldn't it be expensive to house and feed them all?
driving in a van with six kids, - add comma
Smells bad, don't it? - I added the comma and question mark
It will do, Marvin - add comma
The kids and I will make do, and - add comma
"I sure hope this dinosaur works." Tommy said - make that a comma
"Shut up your nagging." Sandra stated - make that a comma
You guys know mom and dad are doing - Mom and Dad
John, didn't you and James - add comma for direct address
Christmas, is not about - drop the comma
not just about presents." Tommy stated - make that a comma
Good dialogue that expresses emotion well
I like the family dynamic and the touching closing though I'd like a little more detail on how they managed to find cheap, creative gifts
Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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It was beautiful all right, but Aida
Christmas was coming, and - add comma
You set the stage effectively in your opening and introduce your main characters well
much for Christmas presents, but - add comma
I'm not sure what my brother is planning, but - add comma
If his wife and all those kids go with him, where will they stay? Wouldn't it be expensive to house and feed them all?
driving in a van with six kids, - add comma
Smells bad, don't it? - I added the comma and question mark
It will do, Marvin - add comma
The kids and I will make do, and - add comma
"I sure hope this dinosaur works." Tommy said - make that a comma
"Shut up your nagging." Sandra stated - make that a comma
You guys know mom and dad are doing - Mom and Dad
John, didn't you and James - add comma for direct address
Christmas, is not about - drop the comma
not just about presents." Tommy stated - make that a comma
Good dialogue that expresses emotion well
I like the family dynamic and the touching closing though I'd like a little more detail on how they managed to find cheap, creative gifts
Brooke
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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Oh gosh. Thanks for all the grammar help. I had a stroke a few years ago and it seems I have forgotten everything I ever knew about commas's etc. Used to be good at spelling, too...now it's gone. Thank you so much for your help. I'll go back.
Comment from Nosha17
What a pleasure to read a story which is uplifting and heart-warming, for a change! Strong story line, good characterisations, good descriptions and flowing dialogue. Tender message of parents who cared and struggled so their kids would not be disappointed. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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What a pleasure to read a story which is uplifting and heart-warming, for a change! Strong story line, good characterisations, good descriptions and flowing dialogue. Tender message of parents who cared and struggled so their kids would not be disappointed. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Thank you Faye for commenting on my short story. My own parents struggled every Christmas but always came through.
Comment from kiwisteveh
This is a nice story and a good entry for the Desperate contest. And Christmas always makes a good pivotal point for a tale with a happy ending.
Can you find some way to indicate a jum forward in tine e.g. a row of stars between para 3 and 4 One moment she's cooking breakfast and the next it's supper days/weeks later...
There may be one or two sections that don't tie in so well to the overall theme e.g. when she is grumpy about all the kids being around the house. It might be better to have her worrying about financial matters rather than how to entertain the children on a winter's day...
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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This is a nice story and a good entry for the Desperate contest. And Christmas always makes a good pivotal point for a tale with a happy ending.
Can you find some way to indicate a jum forward in tine e.g. a row of stars between para 3 and 4 One moment she's cooking breakfast and the next it's supper days/weeks later...
There may be one or two sections that don't tie in so well to the overall theme e.g. when she is grumpy about all the kids being around the house. It might be better to have her worrying about financial matters rather than how to entertain the children on a winter's day...
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Thanks Steve for your input on my story. I also felt the need for a transition sentence when I re-read the story. I will go back and edit. About the mom being grumpy...hmmm, have you ever been snow/ice bound with six kids? LOL It makes you grumpy especially if you have money problems. :o)
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I'm not objecting to you making her grumpy, I just don't see that you have connected this grumpiness to the main theme...
Comment from H.C. Caswell
Your story is heart warming and all too real for many. Sometimes desperate times lead us to full understanding. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Your story is heart warming and all too real for many. Sometimes desperate times lead us to full understanding. Nicely done.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Thank you H.C. for your kind comments on my short story. Yes, I have found when looking back that what felt like the most desperate times of my life are the ones that stand out the most.
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Thank you H.C. for your kind comments on my short story. Yes, I have found when looking back that what felt like the most desperate times of my life are the ones that stand out the most.
Comment from Charlene0513
To justjo66,
Christmas is truly a time for giving and seeing that your children are blessed as they share in the goods news of Christ's birth. But also knowing that God only gives to those that truly need a blessing and gives as Marvin and Aida gave with love.
Quite entertaining and therefore making for a fun write.
Charlene
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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To justjo66,
Christmas is truly a time for giving and seeing that your children are blessed as they share in the goods news of Christ's birth. But also knowing that God only gives to those that truly need a blessing and gives as Marvin and Aida gave with love.
Quite entertaining and therefore making for a fun write.
Charlene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Thank you for commenting on my story and your warm remarks. I am glad I entertained you.
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Thank you for commenting on my story and your warm remarks. I am glad I entertained you.
