Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Born Enemies: The Battle Begins"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
16 total reviews
Comment from amanda98653
This is a well-written chapter, Mikey.
"I am but a slave that fights for freedom, father."-- Although Allutia knows that the meaning of being enslaved is a fate far worse than death, the word "freedom" here can also refer to the free will of choosing who to love.
Suggestions:
1. In moments, the word was passed and the Persian troops pressed forward(,) shouting their disdain and drowning out the sound of song that had been permeating the air.
2. The soldiers(,) including many armed woman,(with) Allutia among them, surged forward to join the battle already being waged.
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This is a well-written chapter, Mikey.
"I am but a slave that fights for freedom, father."-- Although Allutia knows that the meaning of being enslaved is a fate far worse than death, the word "freedom" here can also refer to the free will of choosing who to love.
Suggestions:
1. In moments, the word was passed and the Persian troops pressed forward(,) shouting their disdain and drowning out the sound of song that had been permeating the air.
2. The soldiers(,) including many armed woman,(with) Allutia among them, surged forward to join the battle already being waged.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2014
Comment from faragon
Yes, sometimes a storyline just grabs a hold of you and takes on a life of it's own. This segment is well written and I can picture the scene in my head. Good job.
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Yes, sometimes a storyline just grabs a hold of you and takes on a life of it's own. This segment is well written and I can picture the scene in my head. Good job.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
Comment from Michaelk
i think it was a brilliant idea to leave off the headings in this chapter. They would've just bogged things down. This is perfect just the way it is, and I can follow along easy enough. I found the ebbs and flow of battle quite interesting. Had the slaves not come, Tibertin might have easily won with his tactic. Had Waltrian not come, Tibertin might have easily been defeated by the slaves. Now it seems to be a level playing field. Very well done, but next is the moment we've been waiting for, Tibertin and Allutia meeting in the middle of the battle.
I would laugh my ass off if Tibertin asked Artabanus for Allutia's blessing in marriage. :)
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i think it was a brilliant idea to leave off the headings in this chapter. They would've just bogged things down. This is perfect just the way it is, and I can follow along easy enough. I found the ebbs and flow of battle quite interesting. Had the slaves not come, Tibertin might have easily won with his tactic. Had Waltrian not come, Tibertin might have easily been defeated by the slaves. Now it seems to be a level playing field. Very well done, but next is the moment we've been waiting for, Tibertin and Allutia meeting in the middle of the battle.
I would laugh my ass off if Tibertin asked Artabanus for Allutia's blessing in marriage. :)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Great job. Love the ending when she rode between her father and Tibertin, her wouldbe lover, but thankfully not. Looks the Persian slaves are in big trouble now.
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Great job. Love the ending when she rode between her father and Tibertin, her wouldbe lover, but thankfully not. Looks the Persian slaves are in big trouble now.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
Comment from CR Delport
Talk about surprises. Quite a few in this chapter. It seems everyone was surprised. First by the attack, and then by Allutia. Another well crafted chapter.
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Talk about surprises. Quite a few in this chapter. It seems everyone was surprised. First by the attack, and then by Allutia. Another well crafted chapter.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Michael: You have a great imagination and story line. I am so glad to see the Persian slaves on horses and the general's daughter stopping the fight. Who is playing music? Thank you for the details at the end. Keep writing and love to read your stories.
I can add photos to my word program but not the FS page. So some of my posts in future will not have the photos that I desire to add the Michael punch in them. Thanks for your help and great stories.
flylikeaneagle
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Michael: You have a great imagination and story line. I am so glad to see the Persian slaves on horses and the general's daughter stopping the fight. Who is playing music? Thank you for the details at the end. Keep writing and love to read your stories.
I can add photos to my word program but not the FS page. So some of my posts in future will not have the photos that I desire to add the Michael punch in them. Thanks for your help and great stories.
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
Comment from gypsycaravan
It will be interesting to see how Allutia calms things between her father and Tibertin. The battle is not as confusing as you might think. I've got it pictured in my mind and wishing Russell Crowe was Tibertin. Ha. Seriously, the story progresses well and I am engrossed and anxious to see what happens.
Typo:
became loader and louder --"loader" should be "louder"
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It will be interesting to see how Allutia calms things between her father and Tibertin. The battle is not as confusing as you might think. I've got it pictured in my mind and wishing Russell Crowe was Tibertin. Ha. Seriously, the story progresses well and I am engrossed and anxious to see what happens.
Typo:
became loader and louder --"loader" should be "louder"
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
Comment from seaglass
Ahhh... maybe she can save both men. A calmer mind always prevails when its available. That's why we need a woman president. lol
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Ahhh... maybe she can save both men. A calmer mind always prevails when its available. That's why we need a woman president. lol
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
Comment from Nosha17
The battle scene and the confrontation that followed are very well described and well narrated. It will certainly be interesting to see what happens. Must be hard to keep track of all the happenings with all the forces converging at once. Most enjoyable. Faye
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The battle scene and the confrontation that followed are very well described and well narrated. It will certainly be interesting to see what happens. Must be hard to keep track of all the happenings with all the forces converging at once. Most enjoyable. Faye
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Still you are doing a good job. I was able to imagine the battle in my mind and that is a big plus! No romance in this chapter but we have the father and daughter and the one she loves face to face on the battlefield. What will happen now! That is the question. Well done. Mikey. Nancy
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Still you are doing a good job. I was able to imagine the battle in my mind and that is a big plus! No romance in this chapter but we have the father and daughter and the one she loves face to face on the battlefield. What will happen now! That is the question. Well done. Mikey. Nancy
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
