haiku (storm drowns desert)
a storm in the desert125 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
storm drowns desert
while wise tortoise shelters in shell
nature's own safe house
My version would be :
Storm drowns desert
while wise tortoise flips over
Rides out storm
Or
sails unknown lands
Or
Rides the waves
Gets sea sea sick
And capitulates.
Hope you enjoy my folly mind.
Z.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
storm drowns desert
while wise tortoise shelters in shell
nature's own safe house
My version would be :
Storm drowns desert
while wise tortoise flips over
Rides out storm
Or
sails unknown lands
Or
Rides the waves
Gets sea sea sick
And capitulates.
Hope you enjoy my folly mind.
Z.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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Thanks for the five stars, standregs. Glad you enjoyed this little thing, and thanks for the humor.
Comment from trimple
Hey Nor
Finally I have some time to get my teeth into some of your excellent peals of writing wisdom.
What a superb entry for this competition.
Abiding by the prompts specification of course, you have mastered the haiku perfectly here.
A haiku for me is to capture in writing, a photograph.
You have done just that. the picture in my mind is that of a tortoise shielding itself from the desert heat and dusty storms.
Fabulous! A fine winning entry.
kindest regards
tracey
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
Hey Nor
Finally I have some time to get my teeth into some of your excellent peals of writing wisdom.
What a superb entry for this competition.
Abiding by the prompts specification of course, you have mastered the haiku perfectly here.
A haiku for me is to capture in writing, a photograph.
You have done just that. the picture in my mind is that of a tortoise shielding itself from the desert heat and dusty storms.
Fabulous! A fine winning entry.
kindest regards
tracey
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Know what? I'd never written one before.
Thanks for a very nice review, Trimple. I was surprised when this won the contest, especially since it had a five-vote lead.
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Well I remember you reviewing one of my lame attempts to write a haiku and remember you saying then that you were not absolutely sure, but you thought it was good. So I was surprised to see you write one and win! LOL
Well done you! :~)
Kind regards
tracey trimple:)
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Actually, I didn't get up that morning intending to write a haiku. I was just sitting here at the computer and the thing came to me. I had to hunt for a contest where it would fit, which I knew would be either reptiles or storms. It was revised a few times based on reviews, but people seemed to like it. Didn't expect it to win, though.
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LOL Your funny :)
I had to hunt for a contest where it would fit, which I knew would be either reptiles or storms.
Well you did win and well done you!
:)
Comment from bard owl
Ah. A turtle shell certainly is a safe house. Maybe that is why the turtles cousin, the tortoise lives to such a ripe old age. I see that you have won 1st place for your haiku. That is because it is so excellent. Congratulations, Linda
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
Ah. A turtle shell certainly is a safe house. Maybe that is why the turtles cousin, the tortoise lives to such a ripe old age. I see that you have won 1st place for your haiku. That is because it is so excellent. Congratulations, Linda
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
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Thank you, Linda. It's my first.
Comment from Martin Chan
The haiku 9storm drowns desert) is masterfully composed contest entry poem, no wonder it won the contest. I like the presentation and also the two interconnected lines followed by satori. A very nice poem.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
The haiku 9storm drowns desert) is masterfully composed contest entry poem, no wonder it won the contest. I like the presentation and also the two interconnected lines followed by satori. A very nice poem.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
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Thanks again!
Comment from tfawcus
Congratulations on your win! I like the way your haiku has an extended meaning from the tortoise battening down the hatches against the storm and the similar way in which we humans deal with the same situation.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
Congratulations on your win! I like the way your haiku has an extended meaning from the tortoise battening down the hatches against the storm and the similar way in which we humans deal with the same situation.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
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Thanks for the review and your comments. Came as a total surprise, since this is the first one I've ever written
Comment from sgalletti
Wow Norma! What a surprise to see you on the left side of the aisle. Your haiku is superb. Congratulations on the haiku win. Love the concrete action verbs in drowns and shelters, the image of the tortoise in the rainy desert and the fun "aha" line. Kudos. Sue
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
Wow Norma! What a surprise to see you on the left side of the aisle. Your haiku is superb. Congratulations on the haiku win. Love the concrete action verbs in drowns and shelters, the image of the tortoise in the rainy desert and the fun "aha" line. Kudos. Sue
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
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Coming from a pro, I really appreciate the congratulations. Surprised the heck out of me. Thought I might squeak by, or come in second. Maybe I shouldn't say, "I'm not a poet" anymore? Thanks so much for making my day.
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Absolutely! You can no longer make that claim to fame.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
A classic haiku, following traditional guideline. Alvin would be proud.
Though the alliteration is solid...sheltered/shells...I somehow found it awkward, but trust me, I am NO poet.
Best of luck.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
A classic haiku, following traditional guideline. Alvin would be proud.
Though the alliteration is solid...sheltered/shells...I somehow found it awkward, but trust me, I am NO poet.
Best of luck.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
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He-he, neither am I. Check who wrote this when the contest ends if you want to know. It's my first haiku.
Comment from Judy Couch
YOu did a good job of describing the situation. Your syllable count is accurate. Your satori drawa a good conclusion at the end.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
YOu did a good job of describing the situation. Your syllable count is accurate. Your satori drawa a good conclusion at the end.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Judy. I appreciate your review.
Comment from mermaids
Love the image of the tortoise huddled in his shell. You tell a story here in few words and create a clear scene of the storm and the tortoise.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
Love the image of the tortoise huddled in his shell. You tell a story here in few words and create a clear scene of the storm and the tortoise.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
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Thanks so much for your kind words and review. My first haiku.
Comment from TamzinWhite
Yep, you've got me wondering about bigger pictures, nature, birds, animals, survival, the world, universe, everything!
In 17 short syllables or less! Excellent.
I like tortoises too, they are self sufficient (home wise) ;)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
Yep, you've got me wondering about bigger pictures, nature, birds, animals, survival, the world, universe, everything!
In 17 short syllables or less! Excellent.
I like tortoises too, they are self sufficient (home wise) ;)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
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I'm so happy! It's my first haiku, ya know? thanks for reviewing and for your comments.